19 YO son came home with a tattoo!

[Anonymous]

lady, unless the tattoo is a swastika (or maybe a known gang symbol in a visible place), it will have roughly zero effect on his hireability. people with tattoos that I have interacted with in the last week include: prosecutors at DOJ, partner at a BigLaw firm, associates at a BigLaw firm, my kids' pediatrician, a couple of nurses, my landlord, my real estate agent, 3 different IT people, including the guy running the section, an old friend from college (who now runs a multimillion dollar business), a middle school teacher, my husband (a small business owner), a preschool teacher, and two friends from back home who are now a nurse and the other does something in publishing. And the only reason I noticed is because I'm paying attention to such things lately because I might get one myself (government lawyer).

now, I'm going to caveat that some of those are more unusual than others. I don't know many other BigLaw partners with a full sleeve, but this guy does. and that's probably the only preschool teacher I've run across with a tattoo. also, face and neck tattoos are more frowned upon generally. and tattoos with problematic content could be legit jobkillers if they are visible. So, no swastikas or naked boobs on his neck? he's fine.

[Anonymous]

Op you need to tell us what the tattoo is of and where it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my 19 YO DS has spent much of the summer in summer courses so he can graduate on time, but came home for two weeks on Sunday for the break between summer and fall classes.

He surprised us by telling us he got a tattoo a week ago. Which was completely unexpected - he never told us he was considering it or even really expressed interest in trying (outside a phase back when he was 16).

He knows me and DH don't like tattoos. They are the destruction of the human body that will, outside expensive laser removal, fixtures on the body. They also Mark a person, fairly or unfairly, as a part of the underclass, mostly associated with drugs, alcohol, and living a risky lifestyle I think most parents hope their kids never have to deal with.

I know that isn't my son - he is a smart, highly capable young man who has excelled in both school and work environments. But I just think he got wrapped up in the excitement (apparently him and several friends went and got tattoos together so I think it was just peer pressure).

At this point both me and DH are angry and hurt - DS knew our views on this well. Which is probably why he didn't tell us he was considering this action.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. My view is to stop supporting him (we pay for part of tuition + rent him an apartment off campus. I would offer to pay for room + board in official school housing, as I've always believed it was our duty as parents to provide food and housing for our kids if they can't do so themselves, but in my opinion if he sees himself as mature enough to desecrate his body, he is old enough to be responsible for his own education and spending money (which he already funds). If he can't afford school, or is unwilling to take out loans to cover his education, he knows there will always be a place at our table and a bed waiting for him at home. But I am not comfortable or in a position to pay for an apartment with "friends" who would suggest he get a tattoo.

DH thinks I'm being too harsh, but I just think DS knew what our response would be and should have considered that before getting the tattoo without even mentioning it to us.

Actually your atrocious grammar marks you as part of the underclass.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, my low class doctor, lawyer, and financier friends with tattoos don't give a rip what you think of our class.

You're clearly an insecure failure at life if this is what gets a bee in your bonnet.

Maybe your tattooed low class son will abandon his controlling and pompous mother and you can live out your golden years alone. It would serve you right.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the OP's ideas for punishing her son but some people need to give her a bit of a break.

Until very recently tattooes were associated with low class, white trash or urban gangs. The one exception were military men.

It's a mindset that's been around for generations and it's perfectly understandable why many people who don't interact with tattoos still have these lingering prejudices. Especially if they are a bit older. Tattoos are still rare and unusual among the 50+ age groups.

OP: you need to let this go. Son did something that is meaningless in the long run (assuming it wasn't a facial tattoo or a Nazi symbol). One day he, like millions, will wake up to discover his tattoo is no longer cool but a blurry wrinkled blotch but that is life. Of the mistakes to make, this is minor.

[Anonymous]

I hate tattoos but it beats so many other bad things kids can do especially drugs.

[Anonymous]

I have a tattoo that I got when I was old enough even though my parents don't like tattoos. Believe it or not I'm still a good person! I vote for - don't be too hard on him - it would be a shame to harm your relationship with your son over this. It's legal.

[Anonymous]

^^ ps and I'm now a big law lawyer. You can't see it.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are incorrect. A tattoo will not prohibit him from a good career. Take a step back and learn something new: people hire tattooed individuals every day, in good lucrative careers.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are totally overreacting to this. Tattoos have become very mainstream and unless it's on his face, neck or hands it will rarely be seen.

Is the the hill you are willing to die on to destroy your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, my low class doctor, lawyer, and financier friends with tattoos don't give a rip what you think of our class.

You're clearly an insecure failure at life if this is what gets a bee in your bonnet.

Maybe your tattooed low class son will abandon his controlling and pompous mother and you can live out your golden years alone. It would serve you right.

DH is a CIO and has 3 tattoos including a large shoulder piece.
I'm a C-level exec at one of the 10 largest health systems in the country. I have 2 tattoos and a Ph.D.
19yo DS just got a tattoo on his butt - the whole football team got the same tat in the same place.
We are hardly low class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to tell us what the tattoo is of and where it is.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a fan of tattoos myself, but I think you should really reconsider your position here. Do you really want to lose your relationship with him over a tattoo?

Np, if it was my kid I would be done. He would never be welcome in my home again.

Maybe your kid is better off without you. If it wasn't a tattoo than you would cut him off for something else! While I don't agree with tattoos and would not like it I wouldn't disown my kids. If you try to be super controlling than your kid may choose to keep away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you think tattoos are associated with drugs and alcohol. That's ridiculous. Tattoos are nothing but art. My DH has full arm sleeves and too many tattoos to count. He works for the President (not my fave president but still). Plenty of successful people have tattoos. You just don't know about it because they wear dress clothes to work!

Not something to admit in public! That is worse than a tattoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my 19 YO DS has spent much of the summer in summer courses so he can graduate on time, but came home for two weeks on Sunday for the break between summer and fall classes.

He surprised us by telling us he got a tattoo a week ago. Which was completely unexpected - he never told us he was considering it or even really expressed interest in trying (outside a phase back when he was 16).

He knows me and DH don't like tattoos. They are the destruction of the human body that will, outside expensive laser removal, fixtures on the body. They also Mark a person, fairly or unfairly, as a part of the underclass, mostly associated with drugs, alcohol, and living a risky lifestyle I think most parents hope their kids never have to deal with.

I know that isn't my son - he is a smart, highly capable young man who has excelled in both school and work environments. But I just think he got wrapped up in the excitement (apparently him and several friends went and got tattoos together so I think it was just peer pressure).

At this point both me and DH are angry and hurt - DS knew our views on this well. Which is probably why he didn't tell us he was considering this action.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. My view is to stop supporting him (we pay for part of tuition + rent him an apartment off campus. I would offer to pay for room + board in official school housing, as I've always believed it was our duty as parents to provide food and housing for our kids if they can't do so themselves, but in my opinion if he sees himself as mature enough to desecrate his body, he is old enough to be responsible for his own education and spending money (which he already funds). If he can't afford school, or is unwilling to take out loans to cover his education, he knows there will always be a place at our table and a bed waiting for him at home. But I am not comfortable or in a position to pay for an apartment with "friends" who would suggest he get a tattoo.

DH thinks I'm being too harsh, but I just think DS knew what our response would be and should have considered that before getting the tattoo without even mentioning it to us.

This has got to be a troll post. What king of freaking moron would actually react like this IRL?

But, on the off chance that someone like this has actually made it to adulthood without choking on their own tongue trying to drink a Slurpee, here's some advice for you: Unless your son got swastikas or an MS-13 on his forehead, your need to STFU and get a life. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Idiot.