Mothers, do you teach your daughters to marry providers?

[Anonymous]

I plan to teach my daughter to marry someone she can trust, and to have many conversations about each person's role in the relationship going in. I plan to teach her that raising children and household chores have value, and that in a good partnership these things will be considered towards household contributions.

I'm a stay at home mom. This is the division of labor that works well for my husband and myself in the society and situation we currently live in. DH doesn't have to worry about cooking/cleaning/laundry/childcare/appointments and physically paying bills, I don't need to worry about household income. I don't assume this will be the arrangement my daughter wants, but I want to make sure she understands that there are many ways to contribute to the family and that she needs to find someone with similar family goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

False. I am all of these things and married a low earner.

The girls I know married to rich guys are simpletons. Blonde girl next door types without very much original thought.

Exceptionally intelligent women do NOT do well in the dating scene.

I'm PP. You don't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP how do you have such big boobs with a model thin physique?

Augmentation.


Duh.....

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he felt his own flaws were insurmountable?

Possibly not well-endowed, either. That is a VERY popular reason otherwise trophy men tend to be willing to settle for merely average women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP how do you have such big boobs with a model thin physique?

It's rare but they are out there. Just naturally blessed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

NP here. I'm not going to argue whether or not this is true. I don't know.

But if it is true, it seems like it would be easier just to get a good job. I'd rather put all of that energy into being able to support myself than putting it all into attracting a guy who very well may ditch me when I'm old.

Life is too short to play that game. It doesn't sound like a happy life to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP how do you have such big boobs with a model thin physique?

Augmentation.


Duh.....

Oh don't get me wrong- I've had an augmentation. I don't know many "exceptionally intelligent" women who get augmentations in their 20's. post kids thanks to your own wealth or your husbands wealth is much more common. I'm curious about how the tri lingual Ivy League educated high earner had time for that before marriage, or else wasn't smart enough to realize how it could interfere with her ability to breastfeed her kids.

[Anonymous]

Lots of "feminist" replies, but there is good research on this topic via PEW. "Good provider" is still, by far, the first qualification women look for in a mate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach my daughter that a woman has to make her own money. Providers can die, run off, become addicts, determine they are gay, etc. Then what?

Life insurance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of "feminist" replies, but there is good research on this topic via PEW. "Good provider" is still, by far, the first qualification women look for in a mate.

the funny thing is, the desire for a provider increases inversely to their beauty.

[Anonymous]

I teach my daughters that you should date guys that are funny, guys that are rich, guys that are smart, guys that are hot---But . . .

You should marry the guy that is a good overall partner.

I also teach them that you should make sure that you are educated and have the ability to support yourself in the lifestyle you wish to live so that you will never be dependent on a man to provide that lifestyle for you.

Economic independence is important.

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile we indirectly tell our boys to marry someone nice and kind who will take care of them and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is young, but I will not. The whole term "provider" is anachronistic and I've never heard anyone in my social circles use it IRL.

One thing that I love about my husband is that he is a good provider. Our families needs and wants are met. I like that I do not have to work, although I do because I want to. I like that he will work three full time jobs, if be needed to, before he feels that I have to work. I do not have daughters, all boys, but we are teaching them to be providers for themselves and later on, their family. That means choosing a good career, and able to manage money.

God,can I have your husband? My husband feels I can do everything - cook clean and provide for myself. So I stopped the cooking and cleaning - but we still split everything 50/50 and if I ask him to do it but me anything he asks why can't I do it myself. I pay for everything for me down to the nickel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

NP here. I'm not going to argue whether or not this is true. I don't know.

But if it is true, it seems like it would be easier just to get a good job. I'd rather put all of that energy into being able to support myself than putting it all into attracting a guy who very well may ditch me when I'm old.

Life is too short to play that game. It doesn't sound like a happy life to me.

Sorry but do you honestly think men earning above $200k are the 98th percentile in DC? Most men earn that. I think a man earning closer to $1 million is the 98th percentile. $200k is good I'm not knocking it but it's nothing special in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

NP here. I'm not going to argue whether or not this is true. I don't know.

But if it is true, it seems like it would be easier just to get a good job. I'd rather put all of that energy into being able to support myself than putting it all into attracting a guy who very well may ditch me when I'm old.

Life is too short to play that game. It doesn't sound like a happy life to me.

Sorry but do you honestly think men earning above $200k are the 98th percentile in DC? Most men earn that. I think a man earning closer to $1 million is the 98th percentile. $200k is good I'm not knocking it but it's nothing special in this area.

you are crazy. i know this place is a bubble but lady you are the original girl in the bubble.