Mothers, do you teach your daughters to marry providers?

[Anonymous]

My DD is 5, but I will teach her to be industrious, to look for ways to contribute her skills and time to better the communities she interacts with and to be good with money, and to value those qualities in potential partners as well. That's the recipe for a good life.

[Anonymous]

A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

The way you think is gross. I married one of those men and I am an average looking preschool teacher.

[Anonymous]

Then your husband didn't make use of his opportunities

That doesn't make me wrong though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

The way you think is gross. I married one of those men and I am an average looking preschool teacher.

I think that the PP needs to tell himself this myth to feel better about why he's alone. I also married one of these men and this description does not match anyone in our social circle. (Also, for what it's worth, neither of us went to Ivy league schools)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

No anger here but this is pure fiction in my experience. Most the women that I know that have high earning husbands are not attractive at all. They are down to earth, loving, loyal and kind. They are the nucleus of their family and they work hard to build a community for their family.

Both working and SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I will tell my daughter to develop the best career she can, one that she loves and earns a solid income, and to focus on finding a partner who is also a best friend and believes in sharing life 50/50. Her dad is a perfect model of that.

[Anonymous]

My mom told me when I was a teenager that, "a man is not a financial plan." This proved to be prescient for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

Barf.

[Anonymous]

No. Old fashioned concept. I would tell my daughters to marry a true partner and one that picks up after himself and can take care of you when you need it. Pay checks don't do that, you can't outsource your life and even for certain aspects you do that for it will be far from ideal.

Both parents need to provide emotional support, time, attention, resources and hard work (at office and home).

I feel sorry for people who are one dimensional and only capable of office work and "providing" their paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've already started talking to my 11 and 7 yo kids about partnerships needing to be a well functioning team, especially if children are in the picture.

I've talked to the 11 yo about career choices and and positioning himself well (starting now) to do well in school so that he can have his choice of professions when the time comes. My younger one will hear the same messages as she grows up.

I will encourage both to choose carefully when it comes to both work AND partners. I don't want either to think in terms of providing for others or being provided for; I want them to think in terms of happy, healthy partnerships and the ability to be self sufficient.

Two self sufficient people working together to form a strong team is the goal, whether they are both working outside the home or not. There are no guarantees in life, and both partners need to be able to step up to the plate and provide if necessary. I'm not going to handicap my daughter by telling her to look for someone who will provide for her. I'm going to advise both kids only to have children with someone who will be a strong, compatible teammate.

Excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better question is "what are you teaching your daughters to attract and keep a husband who is a big earner and good provider?"

Men earning over $200K in the DC area are the "gold standard" in terms of husband-material. They represent the 98th percentile of the male population. If your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve in terms of looks, height, weight, etc, how on earth do you possibly think she's going to attract a suitor that is at the extreme far right end of their own repestive curve?

To attract and wed an above-average husband like that, a young woman MUST be above-average herself.

Simply being "attractive" isn't enough. Being in shape, isn't enough. Being educated, isn't enough. There are SCORES of attractive, thin, educated women in this area for every potential trophy husband.

If you want your daughter to marry a 98th percentile man, she needs to be equally impressive herself. That means stunning looks. Not just cute, not just beautiful, but stunning. Same for weight. "Average", just will not do. She needs to be model-thin, but at the same time, large breasted. Classic Barbie Doll type shape, and taller than average. Her level of fitness needs to be cross-fit instructor good, too. She should speak at least three languages ages, two fluently, and have an Ivy undergrad background. And she needs to be HIGHLY skilled sexually. She needs to be able to perform like a porn star. Nothing should be beyond her.

All these elements are what separate "average" young women from those who can land a 98th percentile husband.

Average women marry average men. Period. Above average men won't marry average women. They'll date them. They'll have sex with them. They'll amuse themselves with them. But they will NOT marry them.

If you want more for your daughter than an average husband, you need to shape her into something well above average herself.


This post will cause some anger, but there's nothing in it that isn't true.

Barf.

This is delusional. My husband earns well over $1m annually and he is married to average looking, highly intelligent, and successful business owner me (tho I do speak 3 languages). Not all - or even most- high earning men are looking for women like you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is young, but I will not. The whole term "provider" is anachronistic and I've never heard anyone in my social circles use it IRL.

One thing that I love about my husband is that he is a good provider. Our families needs and wants are met. I like that I do not have to work, although I do because I want to. I like that he will work three full time jobs, if be needed to, before he feels that I have to work. I do not have daughters, all boys, but we are teaching them to be providers for themselves and later on, their family. That means choosing a good career, and able to manage money.

I hope you are teaching them better grammar.

[Anonymous]

I tell my daughter that she needs to be self sufficient and explain that I was the primary bread winner when I married her father. My grandmother always told my female cousins and I that we should "never rely on a man, you don't want to ever be in a position that you can't take care of yourself and the man should know that". I'm trying to pass on the message.

[Anonymous]

Wealth achieves those things. If your parents are wealthy you have perfect teeth and get skin treatments to ensure acne doesn't ruin your complexion. You have access to healthy food that is well prepared. Good haircuts. The best education through middle and high school. You have seen and known over achievers your entire life. Your parents buy you nice clothing and cars and model how to dress well and present yourself.


You know other wealthy people and your dating circle is automatically elevated. You have access to college without debt.


You can keep telling yourself that it's a porn star in the bedroom that makes you "eligible" to date the 2% (although if wealth and privilege has elevated you to beautiful and desirable you probably have the confidence to be hot in the sack.