Mothers, do you teach your daughters to marry providers?

[Anonymous]

NO!

But....one of life's most consequential decisions is who you end up marrying (and education, of course).

So I will teach them to pick carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why get married if you're not going to marry a man who is not good provider? I do not want me daughter marrying someout of work bum or someone who can't hold a job for more than 6 months.

+1

There is a huge difference between a 'provider' as far as a patriarchal breadwinner and homemaker and someone who can't hold a job. Would you be ok with your daughter marrying a teacher or newspaper journalist?

[Anonymous]

Do all of you provider moms also tell your daughters that they should divorce a husband who becomes disabled or is otherwise unable to provide as he once did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is young, but I will not. The whole term "provider" is anachronistic and I've never heard anyone in my social circles use it IRL.

One thing that I love about my husband is that he is a good provider. Our families needs and wants are met. I like that I do not have to work, although I do because I want to. I like that he will work three full time jobs, if be needed to, before he feels that I have to work. I do not have daughters, all boys, but we are teaching them to be providers for themselves and later on, their family. That means choosing a good career, and able to manage money.

Women are providers, too. We'd all be a little better off if more people realized and believed that.

I only have a son but would be sorely disappointed if he settled for a woman who didn't understand it. Fine if he makes all the money and they're happy with that arrangement, but providing for a household and making a home is not a one-person job if there are two adults in it.

If you can't tell, I greatly resent the idea of "he's the provider." For me, having a job is essential to my well-being but the whole WOHM/SAHM cultural divide makes me ill and that whole "provider" nonsense is at the core of it.

[Anonymous]

I want my girls to marry a provider. They are both college grads with good jobs. When they have children, I want them to be able to SAH at least until the kids are school age. That's what they want as well. The idea of my grand babies in a daycare center or with a nanny is just too awful to consider. My oldest son is married and is a wonderful provider. My DIL is at home with the baby.

[Anonymous]

No. I've taught my daughter to be self sufficient and an equal in any relationship. She went to a good college and graduate school. She has a good job.

I have been the primary breadwinner in our family for many years, although in recent years DH has caught up. He always had very good jobs but even at the top of the GS/SES scale earned much less than I did. While that's changed now that he's in the private sector, that was not why I married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you provider moms also tell your daughters that they should divorce a husband who becomes disabled or is otherwise unable to provide as he once did?

Do all the non-provider moms also tell their daughters they should divorce a husband who becomes disabled or is other unable to provide as he once did? or do you tell them to have skills and get a J-O-B.

My H is disabled... and I do expect him to work in some capacity. It may not be in the same capacity he did before but he is an adult and he need to work and contribute, and no laundry and cooking are not contributing enough.

Meanwhile I provide and soon he will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my girls to marry a provider. They are both college grads with good jobs. When they have children, I want them to be able to SAH at least until the kids are school age. That's what they want as well. The idea of my grand babies in a daycare center or with a nanny is just too awful to consider. My oldest son is married and is a wonderful provider. My DIL is at home with the baby.

Why can't your girls be the providers and marry men who want to stay at home? Is that also "too awful to consider"?

[Anonymous]

No, I tell my DD to equip herself to make her own money. That's what my mother told me, so I would always have F-U money and could be in charge of who I married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my girls to marry a provider. They are both college grads with good jobs. When they have children, I want them to be able to SAH at least until the kids are school age. That's what they want as well. The idea of my grand babies in a daycare center or with a nanny is just too awful to consider. My oldest son is married and is a wonderful provider. My DIL is at home with the baby.

Why can't your girls be the providers and marry men who want to stay at home? Is that also "too awful to consider"?

Very few men are interested in staying home with children.

[Anonymous]

I teach my daughter that woman have to have their own money, have control of their money and know how to grow that money. A woman has to be able to afford her retirement, her kids education, childcare and college & healthcare for her family. She can earn her money, win her money, inherit her money or get married to her money. It is immaterial how the money comes to her - she needs have full control of it and understand how to invest and grow it.

Should she marry a provider? Absolutely. Only if she wants to have kids. If not she does not want to have kids there is not need to be married to anyone.

[Anonymous]

You mean train her to be a gold digger ?

[Anonymous]

I teach my girls to expect to be self sufficient. A breadwinning partner is a plus. But work ethic and a strong sense of responsibility are more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my girls to marry a provider. They are both college grads with good jobs. When they have children, I want them to be able to SAH at least until the kids are school age. That's what they want as well. The idea of my grand babies in a daycare center or with a nanny is just too awful to consider. My oldest son is married and is a wonderful provider. My DIL is at home with the baby.

Why can't your girls be the providers and marry men who want to stay at home? Is that also "too awful to consider"?

As soon as men start giving birth and breastfeeding that will make more sense. Until then, it's a stupid argument. Women are created to be near their young children. For all the talk of "natural" and "organic" on dcum, you would think this would be easy to grasp.

[Anonymous]

I hope my daughter doesn't have to face the same choices. DH is an engineer but doesn't make enough to provide for a family. 100k doesn't go far in this area. So I work.