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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?[/quote]

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public. [/quote]

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating. [/quote]

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think. [/quote]

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.[/quote]

NP DH here: What is inaccurate about your statement, from my perspective, is the claim that the man is not himself concerned with her weight, but is only concerned as the result of external pressure to impress others.  This isn't really so; it is an internal concern about wanting to be with someone who is sexually attractive to you long-term, which has a lot to do with looks and body shape for men.  Most women simply do not understand how significant a factor that is for most men.  It is overwhelmingly important, and while it readily can be compromised for many, many things if you are going from very attractive to reasonably attractive to plain-but-fit, there is a pretty hard floor somewhere between a few extra pounds, plump-but-cute, and obese, which of course varies to some extent among men.

Further, monogamy looms very large, and most men simply aren't willing to commit to spend a lifetime with someone who they do not find reasonably physically attractive. [b] Impressing others is well down the list of factors, and for many its not much of a consideration at all.  [/b]

For most men, this long-term concern has almost nothing at all to do with short-term companionship and sex.  You can call that using her for sex if you like, although I think that is a little unfair as most men would be perfectly content to be "used" in precisely the same way.  
[/quote]

Late 30s male here and agree with the bold part completely.  Maybe it mattered a bit to me when I was college aged, but it's been a long time since that has been a consideration.  By this point in my life, living in a new city, I don't even have friends I would feel the need to impress.  But I still only date women I find physically attractive.

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