How much does weight matter?

[Anonymous]

I want healthy children someday, so a woman has to be fit and healthy. I also have an active lifestyle. I would want someone to be able to hike up Matterhorn or the Dolomites and enjoy the climb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not spend some time and effort to eat better and work out more? These are things she can change.

+1 Why do women dig their heels in on this issue?

I have a friend a lot like yours, OP. And she almost defiantly eats her face off because she thinks she deserves to be loved for who she is inside. I admit I don't have the guts to tell her point blank she is flushing her own romantic future down the toilet because toxic pride.

+2. It's only for a season. Once she gets the guy she can put the weight back on.

Why is the assumption here that they stuff their face or eat unhealthy? I'm overweight. NOT one person who's lived with me or been my friend understands why. I eat a 90% vegetarian diet. I don't carbs for most of my meals. I have a couple of health issues that make it impossible to maintain weight unless I exercise at least an hour a day of cardio and 20 minutes of weights AND maintain my eating and DON'T drink. Well, I can maintain my eating, but I like drinking with friends and i don't always want to go to the gym. But I'm not sitting on my overweight ass eating burgers and fries, most of my lunches are salads without weird dressings and fat rich toppings. This is my body, and I'm done hating it and battling it. If you don't like me, fine, plenty of men and women do. But this assumption is so bullshit.

Are snickers considered vegetarian?

Sorry for the sarcasm but I heard this from a woman I work with daily as she complains about eating her salad for lunch. On a daily basis, she hits every admin asst desk with a candy jar, often more than once. I'm not even sure she's aware at this point. Regardless, the entire office snickers (pun intended) behind her back at her complaints of eating healthy, eating like a bird and not being able to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not spend some time and effort to eat better and work out more? These are things she can change.

+1 Why do women dig their heels in on this issue?

I have a friend a lot like yours, OP. And she almost defiantly eats her face off because she thinks she deserves to be loved for who she is inside. I admit I don't have the guts to tell her point blank she is flushing her own romantic future down the toilet because toxic pride.

+2. It's only for a season. Once she gets the guy she can put the weight back on.

Why is the assumption here that they stuff their face or eat unhealthy? I'm overweight. NOT one person who's lived with me or been my friend understands why. I eat a 90% vegetarian diet. I don't carbs for most of my meals. I have a couple of health issues that make it impossible to maintain weight unless I exercise at least an hour a day of cardio and 20 minutes of weights AND maintain my eating and DON'T drink. Well, I can maintain my eating, but I like drinking with friends and i don't always want to go to the gym. But I'm not sitting on my overweight ass eating burgers and fries, most of my lunches are salads without weird dressings and fat rich toppings. This is my body, and I'm done hating it and battling it. If you don't like me, fine, plenty of men and women do. But this assumption is so bullshit.

I know so many overweight vegetarians...not sure what to make of that.

I'm vegan and know many overweight vegans. Sometimes it's because they just eat junk (oreos are vegan, and there's now a ton of junk food alternatives on the market), sometimes it's because they are eating real food but still have a nutritional deficiency or don't eat enough calories. The latter happened to me- I ate zero junk but couldn't lose weight because I was very deficient in calories and nutrients. Like, I would sometimes just eat heads of lettuce for meals.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter much, although I don't know what you consider "fat." I'm 5'4" and a size 8-10. Definitely not fitting back into my old cheerleading uniform, but also not a whale. I'm divorced and almost 40, and I haven't had any issue finding dates with nice, attractive, normal guys.

[Anonymous]

I would never have dated a fat man. There is just no way I could be even remotely attracted to him. My husband is the same way - he would never have dated a fat woman. I think your friend will have much better luck in the dating market if she loses some weight. There are so many pretty, fit women in this area that she just has too much competition.

I think the other issue educated women have in this area is that they treat dates like job interviews (or at least that is what I heard my dates say). It was a huge turnoff for them. I kept my degrees and salary to myself and just had fun on dates I had no problem getting dates online. I also didn't exclude men for not being as educated as I am. I make more money than most men ever will and so I didn't care about their salary as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how every overweight female has "health issues." No you don't. A very small percentage of overweight people do. A very large percentage just underestimate what they eat.

and overestimate how much they exercise/workout/move. Walking a mile seems a lot of exercise if you are completely out of shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ runner, not dinner. Thanks, autocorrect. Right thread for this.

What bothers me about these comments is the immature assumption that 1. overweight people cannot be attractive, 2. the dismissal of POC who do find such people attractive (which is also inherently racist, btw), 3. the assumption that overweight people are these lost slobs who don't give men erections.

These comments also make it sound like the men making these assumptions are these great catches, who are good in bed, kind, gorgeous, and so worthy of a woman that matches them. Here's the thing. A man who is comfortable in his own manhood and who is good in bed, can be attracted to and can please any woman he finds attractive and we don't just find one size attractive.

If you're with a woman who's gained weight and it's not medical, look at her, are you depressing the shit out of her? Are you a 3 minute sex guy? Are you withholding of affection and a judgmental d!ck? Guess what, you can go cheat like one of the pps threatened, but I guarantee you, these patterns repeat and you'll make any woman miserable. The fault lies within you. Does this absolve people who don't put an effort to into their appearance from it? NO, BUT, if someone is healthy (or unhealthy) and their comfortable body state is a size 14, that's their right. Just like if someone prefers being a size 00, that's their right. Many thin women I know are gym rats, which is not healthy, or on stimulants, also not healthy. Going out for a night of binge drinking, no food, and adderal in the morning doesn't make you in charge of your life. Yet so many people seem to ignore that for the possibility of screwing someone, and use that argument to say they won't be with someone overweight because they are not in charge of their life and they are unhealthy. Um, please.

I'm so tired of these posts, most likely written by men who are not fit and not competent and mostly not good in bed. I'm sorry. But no successful hot dude is on DCUM on a weight thread. He's out banging these hot women he judges so, or running, or reading or something. I personally am on DCUM as an escape mechanism. So take all these responses with a grain of salt. They're probably all written by one angry bitter poster who rather look outside of themselves than inside and realize the problem lies within.

BUT, yes, many people are superficial, first attraction is physical. BUT, it's not just about weight. It's about looks, air, etc.

No one is quibbling with their right or wants it taken away. But it seems to me you are saying with a sense of entitlement to prize spots in the dating market, and it just doesn't work that way. Of course everyone has a right to be whatever size they wish. It's also true that people bigger than a certain size will have a harder time dating and mating than someone of a smaller size.

It's one thing if your wife, mother of your children and partner for life, has gained weight. She is someone you love and care about, and you have a history together. She is not a random heavy woman.

But for a single guy, who meets different women and starts from the place of perfect indifference to them, since they are all strangers, a slimmer woman will win over a heavier one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think weight matters to most men. But the women in DC tend to be less attractive than they are in other parts of the country. If she is pretty, intelligent, and has a good personality, she should do great.

I'm a woman, and I totally disagree. I'm older and a new mom, so I'm not counting myself among "the attractive women of DC." But I walk down 14th Street near U/Logan multiple times per week, and I see jaw-droppingly gorgeous twentysomethings in droves, all the time. I think women in DC are ESPECIALLY attractive. I've lived other places. I'm not invested in this discussion as a married woman, but it's interesting how our perspectives can be so different.

[Anonymous]

Let's say that some guy posted here that he was a 40 year old truck driver, no degree, making $40K per year, but he he has a six-pack (the abdominal kind), so he couldn't understand why he can't find an attractive woman to marry him in DC. This is basically what OP's friend looks like from a male perspective. You would almost certainly advice him to either go back to school and get a degree, or to lower his standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say that some guy posted here that he was a 40 year old truck driver, no degree, making $40K per year, but he he has a six-pack (the abdominal kind), so he couldn't understand why he can't find an attractive woman to marry him in DC. This is basically what OP's friend looks like from a male perspective. You would almost certainly advice him to either go back to school and get a degree, or to lower his standards.

The difference here is that the friend in this scenario does not demand a fit or non-overweight partner. She's not asking for a man to bring to the table anything she herself cannot achieve or provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think weight matters to most men. But the women in DC tend to be less attractive than they are in other parts of the country. If she is pretty, intelligent, and has a good personality, she should do great.

I'm a woman, and I totally disagree. I'm older and a new mom, so I'm not counting myself among "the attractive women of DC." But I walk down 14th Street near U/Logan multiple times per week, and I see jaw-droppingly gorgeous twentysomethings in droves, all the time. I think women in DC are ESPECIALLY attractive. I've lived other places. I'm not invested in this discussion as a married woman, but it's interesting how our perspectives can be so different.

Older guy here. You are correct about the young women walking around downtown on a workday. Gorgeous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.

[Anonymous]

The debate about fat is silly. The proof is in the pudding - your friend is not getting dates and she is otherwise an appealing person. So if she wants to get dates, she has to lose weight.

If other people are fat and manage to get dates, and go onto satisfying marriages, maybe they have some extra special sex appeal, or maybe they have lower standards than your friend. Who knows? But it is irrelevant.