Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means?

Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children.

Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means.

That is not an issue, I am not converting.

It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it.

I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man.

Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish?

The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel.

The rules had to keep changing to keep up with all the Jewish men marrying shiksas. And yes I resent having been called a shiksa.

This is not true. Reform is generally more liberal in all areas with women rabbis and not separate seating.

Conservative Judaism has had women rabbis for almost 30 years now (granted that was some years after Reform) and has had mixed seating at least since the 1940s. Though generally you are correct

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means?

Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children.

Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means.

That is not an issue, I am not converting.

It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it.

I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man.

Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish?

The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel.

Please. It can well make a difference if when they grow up they want to join a Conservative or Orthodox community, or marry a Conservative or Orthodox Jew, when they will likely need to have a conversion ceremony. If they have always considered themselves Jewish, and the situation has not been fully explained to them growing up, they may find this traumatic and react negatively.



Ok but I don't think that is the question here. I don't think people should avoid intermarriage for those reasons.

I am not addressing whether or why people should avoid intermarriage (as an in-married Jew by birth I doubt my views are desired by OP) I merely wanted to point out that the practical issues for "patrilineal Jewish" children are not limited to ones involving Israel. I am guessing some people here either are assuming children remain children (they do not, they grown up and their own marriages become issues for them) or are assuming their children will not end up more religious than their parents (again, quite a few Jewish young people end up quite a bit more "religious" than their parents)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means?

Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children.

Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means.

That is not an issue, I am not converting.

It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it.

I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man.

Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish?

The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel.

Please. It can well make a difference if when they grow up they want to join a Conservative or Orthodox community, or marry a Conservative or Orthodox Jew, when they will likely need to have a conversion ceremony. If they have always considered themselves Jewish, and the situation has not been fully explained to them growing up, they may find this traumatic and react negatively.

Ok but I don't think that is the question here. I don't think people should avoid intermarriage for those reasons.

I am not addressing whether or why people should avoid intermarriage (as an in-married Jew by birth I doubt my views are desired by OP) I merely wanted to point out that the practical issues for "patrilineal Jewish" children are not limited to ones involving Israel. I am guessing some people here either are assuming children remain children (they do not, they grown up and their own marriages become issues for them) or are assuming their children will not end up more religious than their parents (again, quite a few Jewish young people end up quite a bit more "religious" than their parents)


I am the PP who, FWIW, is someone who converted to Judaism with a Reform rabbi and I am well aware that my Jewish status would not be recongized in the conservative/orthodox movement and in Israel. We belong to a reform synagogue and I and my kids are fully accepted as Jews. My husband's family is more observant (grandfather is orthodox) and they don't give a hoot that I converted with a Reform vs. Orthodox rabbi. I agree with you that there may be circumstances in which this will arise (if they do become more religious or want to move to Israel) but the odds are greater that for the 18 years they are living at home, whether their mother is technically Jewish by outdated norms of Jewish law or not does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.

No here.I said yes and regretted it later on. When the bar mitzbah time came I began having many second thoughts and doubts - because it is a huge commitment for someone who is not Jewish. A lot of resentment toward my husband who left all of the "raising" to me. I wish I would have asked these questions in the first place. As other pp's have said, the religious training is often left to the mother. I do not think it is reasonable for a non-Jewish mother to be responsible for all of this. The father needs to be more involved or married to a Jewish woman.
Op unless you want to be Jewish (that is, convert and immerse yourself in Jewish culture) I don't think you should agree to raise your children Jewish. At least not without getting more information about exactly what that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.

No here.I said yes and regretted it later on. When the bar mitzbah time came I began having many second thoughts and doubts - because it is a huge commitment for someone who is not Jewish. A lot of resentment toward my husband who left all of the "raising" to me. I wish I would have asked these questions in the first place. As other pp's have said, the religious training is often left to the mother. I do not think it is reasonable for a non-Jewish mother to be responsible for all of this. The father needs to be more involved or married to a Jewish woman.
Op unless you want to be Jewish (that is, convert and immerse yourself in Jewish culture) I don't think you should agree to raise your children Jewish. At least not without getting more information about exactly what that means.

I agree. Both my parents are Jewish but my mother never had a religious education growing up and it wasn't important to her. And she made that pretty plain to us kids. It was important to my dad so it caused a lot of conflict until he finally realized that if he wanted us to have any religious knowledge, it was on him to provide it. Mom would take us to and from Hebrew school and that was it. It was Dad who took us to synagogue, explained the holidays, planned the holidays, did Shabbat, etc. Mom cooked but only because he wanted her to. She hasn't set foot in a synagogue in years except for weddings and bnai mitzvot and she's happy that way. And if that's how it was for our family in which both parents were born and raised Jewish (at least culturally in my mom's case), I can only imagine how much harder it is when one spouse comes from a different religious tradition -- especially a tradition in which the spouse is active.

OP, I think another poster gave sound advice to attend some services and see what the community is like, maybe talk to some people who have converted if a rabbi can put you in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im not trying to discourage you in any way, but in my experience I feel an interfaith marriage is easiest if one (or both) spouse doesn't "care" much about religion. I'm the one who doesn't "care" much and despite that, missing even just the secular celebration of Christmas is hard for me every year. And this is all with my entire family being totally cool with interfaith marriage, by the way. I also don't know what you are envisioning in terms of Bar / bat mitzvah prep but most kids do Hebrew school once a week starting in K and switch to twice a week around 3rd grade through Bar / bat mitzvah (7th gr).

NP here. I was raised Christian, dh raised Jewish. Neither of us are very into the trappings of organized religion, so it was easy to choose to raise our kids Jewish. I wouldn't be going to church otherwise...so it's not like I'm missing out on my own religious celebrations at all.

That said, we do a Chrismukkah tree every year. We tell our kids that Christmas is when we get together with family and Santa brings presents. Nothing about Jesus, because that's not what it's about for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

There is also the cultural part that you cannot give your child being a different religion. Its not just the religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

There is also the cultural part that you cannot give your child being a different religion. Its not just the religion.

And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not. They will not tolerate your Christmas tree. They feel they are the "chosen" ones. They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew. If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

There is also the cultural part that you cannot give your child being a different religion. Its not just the religion.

And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not. They will not tolerate your Christmas tree. They feel they are the "chosen" ones. They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew. If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.

You do not understand because you're not a minority religion in a Christian society.

[Anonymous]

"And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not. They will not tolerate your Christmas tree. They feel they are the "chosen" ones. They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew. If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic."

We Jews contain lovely people and racist people among our numbers, as with all groups. I don't do the things you list and don't give a flying f@#$ about your tree.

Your generalizing is really over the top. I'm calling you out on being racist. I suspect you have nothing in particular against Jews, but could have written your post with minor changes about at least a few other groups not your own. So yeah, I am calling you a bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

There is also the cultural part that you cannot give your child being a different religion. Its not just the religion.

And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not. They will not tolerate your Christmas tree. They feel they are the "chosen" ones. They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew. If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.

You do not understand because you're not a minority religion in a Christian society.

Jews are not monolithic (see the threads around xmas time). I am one of the PPs who converted to Judaism- I grew up largely secular but did celebrate Christmas at home. It was easy for me to give up. As we have a Jewish home, we do not do Christmas at all in our house- no tree, wreath, santa, whatever. Honestly, I do think that's part of the minority experience-- every December, my kids understand what it is like to be in the minority and to have all this celebration all around them that does not really include our holiday. What it's like to go to the store and the Hannukah section has one shelf and the rest of the store is Christmas. Why is the menorah on display half the size of the Christmas tree. I am also a racial minority, so it is easy for me to accept this (this is my lived experience) but I can see how it would be difficult for the average white Christian woman to accept. Although we are Reform, we do many of the Jewish holidays at home (not just Hannukah), including Sukkot, Purim, Passover, high holidays; we do shabbat every Friday night. Kids go to Sunday School. So for my kids, being Jewish doesn't mean "not celebrating Christmas." We have our own traditions and holidays.

However, it's not like all interfaith and/or cross-cultural relationships are the same. I know families where the mom converted, considers their home to be a Jewish home, and still have a tree because that's how she grew up. I agree that before you get married you should discuss and "negotiate" holidays and religious upbringing. If husband wants kids to be Jewish and you are not going to convert, he has to be the laboring oar- figure out joining a synagouge, sign up for religious school, do the holidays, etc. If you also want to have a Christmas tree to honor your family's traditions, I would discuss that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting Jewish traditions and RAISING YOUR CHILDREN JEWISH. This might mean that you will not be allowed to share your non-Jewish customs with your children - such as Christmas. Even Jews who are not particularly religious can be quite rigid about what it means to be Jewish. Just read this this forum around Christmas time!
Children are born to two parents of two different backgrounds. Why should one parent's heritage have to be cast out of the house? Not reasonable in my opinion. For those people who feel religion is very important they should marry someone who shares their beliefs and background. Even in this case there will have to be compromises - I am sure that same-faith couples don't agree on every aspect of their religion.
More questions for the OP: are you planning to go to church alone? What does Christianity mean to you?? Can you really be a Christian in a Jewish household - your own Jewish household??!

There is also the cultural part that you cannot give your child being a different religion. Its not just the religion.

And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not. They will not tolerate your Christmas tree. They feel they are the "chosen" ones. They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew. If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.

This is not true at all. We are a mixed family. I am Jewish, my husband is Christian. My child is Jewish, without question. I am uncomfortable with a tree but put one up for one night for my husband. If he wants it longer he can deal with it (has yet to in the many years of marriage). We are not religious nor do we practice much. You sound anti-semetic.

[Anonymous]

You need to be aware that many Jewish people are not comfortable with having non-Jewish symbols -such as as Christmas trees- in the house. You as a non-Jew, might be open to adopting And Jewish people are not open and accepting of others in that way. Two people with different backgrounds could get married and share their "culture" but Jewish people can not.

Some do. I (an in married Jew) do not necessarily think its a great idea, but clearly some people do it.

They feel they are the "chosen" ones.


It says so in the bible. Christianity decided at some point that "chosen Israel" meant the Church, not the Jewish people, but you can hardly fault Jews for not adopting that POV. Note of course what we are chosen for is merely to follow the laws of the Torah, nothing else. Note also that some Reform Jews, and Reconstructionists in general do not believe in the doctrine of chosenness.

They will always help out a Jewish person before a non Jew.

Right now I think its important that we help out muslims, and hispanic immigrants. Not all Jews share my view on that, but quite a bunch do.

If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.

[Anonymous]

If you question this they will call you anti-Semetic.


Er, antisemitic. One "e".

And yeah, you sure do sound like one. But since this is DCUM, you could just be an all around crank.