Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
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Anonymous
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OP - a lot of the posts are giving you advice and opinions on whether or not you should do this.
From what I gather you are not looking for opinions or advice, but rather want to know about experiences and feelings of women that have lived he life you are contemplating. For that, I would suggest you go speak to a temple a find women that are doing what you are contemplating. |
Anonymous
Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means? Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children. Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means. B That is not an issue, I am not converting. I get that, but how can you agree to something this important for your future children if you don't understand what you are agreeing to? Apparently you get something from prayer in the Christian style.You are willing to say "ok, my kids won't do that, even though this is a thing that helps me cope, and brings me joy and peace. I won't share this with them."? It isn't just substituting Saturday for Sunday. Judaism is really different from Christianity. Shouldn't you learn a bit what you are offering your kids in its place? Maybe kids are still too hypothetical for you, but most of us want to give our children all the things that have brought meaning to our lives. I can't even fathom how I would teach my kid to be moral without aJudaism. I know people do because I have many nonJewish friends who are very moral. I just don't know how *I* could do it. |
Anonymous
Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means? Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children. Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means. That is not an issue, I am not converting. It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it. I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man. |
Anonymous
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Please think about being Jewish as more than a bar mitzvah. That's not the beginning or end of their Jewish life.
A lot of this depends on what "kind" of Jew the father is and how that changes after kids. Does he just do holiday? Which ones? Does he keep kosher or did he ever (even if he doesn't now, if he grew up with is, he may react when you offer the kid cheese on a burger). Did he grow up going to family events at shul? As I got older I grew away from that so dh didn't know my involvement, but not that we have kids we are at all kinds of night and weekend events. He didn't grow up with that (even though he is jewish) so it took him a while to enj oy it. Talk through a year of Judaism together. Will you bring the kids to Christmas and how will you explain it? Will you keep Kosher for passover, and what does that mean for dinner with your family if easter and passover coinside. Will the kids take off from school for rosh hashana? Will you? Talk through the whole lifetime...bris, Hebrew school, bat mitzvah, dating, youth groups, weddings... If you're not comfortable with these conversations or the outcomes, this marriage isn't for you. It's ok if you're not ok with it, but be very honest with yourself. MarrI age and kids and merging families is HARD. It's much easier when you're on the same page with basic core values and structures. Talk thr |
Anonymous
| We are all humans and all the same. Jewish people just contribute to the problem of segregation. |
Anonymous
That is not an issue, I am not converting. It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it. I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man. Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish? |
Anonymous
I am going to ignore this altogether. You do realize that Jewish people came before Christians. OP, I am the previous Episcopalian poster. You and your fiance should look at taking this class together: http://www.reformjudaism.org/learning/judaism-classes/intro-judaism. I am taking it right now, and there are three engaged couples in the class. Interestingly, all 3 males are Jewish and all three women are Christian. It is a worthwhile investment in understanding what you are agreeing to and learning more about both Judaism as a religion as well as a culture and its history. |
Anonymous
What is your point? Who gave themselves a label and distinction from others first? Humans are humans and any differences are man made labels. |
Anonymous
It is an issue whether or not you convert, because you will need to walk the walk for the rest of your life, and set the path for your children. You need to know what that involves before making the commitment to do it. I don't think you have a clear understanding of what you are considering doing in order to marry this man. Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish? The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel. |
Anonymous
Excuse my ignorance, but I always thought that the children weren't considered Jewish unless the mother was Jewish, either through conversion or birth. It doesn't matter if the father was Jewish. If she doesn't convert, how will the children be considered Jewish? The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel. |
Anonymous
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NP here - married age 38, children at age 39, 41 and 43. I'm 5th of 6th Catholic children, husband 3rd of 4 children raised in orthodox synagogue. I went to a Jesuit college and embraced the faith more closely then due to the open-mindedness of the Jesuit approach to Catholicism. I also have a sister who had married a Jewish man many years earlier. We agreed our children should have a single path to God, and agreed that path should be Judiaism. I did not convert; we found a conservative synagogue with an amazing rabbi prior to the birth of our first who guided us through the beth din process and then my DH taking the children into the Mikveh as infants. Our DS had a very traditional brit milah on his 8th day of life at our home. Our daughters had baby-naming ceremonies with the full synagogue.
The kids went to our synagogue's nursery school and then continued into the religious school, including a 2nd day a week beginning in grade 3. We often (but not always) observe Shabbat on Friday nights, and my DH and oldest attend Saturday services more often now that she is prepping for her bat mitzvah (plus lots of her RS school friends are the b'nai mitzvah). I have mastered - and then some- all of the traditional Jewish cooking (no family recipes to work from, just my own reading and experimenting). My sisters-in-law do not cook so I often host both nights of all the holidays (not Break-Fast; my SIL is able to handle the bagels for that one). A half-dozen years ago we started doing a little "Mommy Christmas" as I missed giving the kids a few presents and my siblings preferred to give them Christmas presents. My husband is the one that suggested adding the tree (to be honest, I find all the decorating to be a huge amount of work, but now it's more for the Jewish members of my family!!). My in-laws come to celebrate Christmas Eve with us at home. My own parents died long ago, and my siblings are not nearby, but we do see some for Christmas and Easter. As the kids get older they have more questions and understanding about my faith. I do go to Mass, but it's not a regular thing. I do follow discussions and thoughts about the faith and my local parish. The children have many milestone events as they go through RS, and the rhythm of the Jewish calendar brings a new holiday to observe practically every month. The OP asked about how mothers felt about their tweens prepping for their b'nai mitzvah - it is SO much work for my DD! I am immensely proud of how hard she is working to read this foreign text (Hebrew), learn these prayers, learn the trope, the though she has been putting into her speech. Plus she is organizing a charity project! When I was 12, there is NO WAY I could have stood in front of a microphone and given an insightful, personal speech, read from ancient scrolls and SING! She asked me what I did that was comparable, and the description of my Confirmation does not even come close. I am enormously proud of her - and I now I need to go review more party contracts, order invitations, pave the way for her getting the needed permission for the donation box sites. Can't wait to see what our next two do when their time comes. It is really impressive and I'm very proud. |
Anonymous
The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel. Please. It can well make a difference if when they grow up they want to join a Conservative or Orthodox community, or marry a Conservative or Orthodox Jew, when they will likely need to have a conversion ceremony. If they have always considered themselves Jewish, and the situation has not been fully explained to them growing up, they may find this traumatic and react negatively. |
Anonymous
The reform movement considers the children Jewish. And, apart from Jewish law (which many Jews don't follow religiously), if the Jewish father and non-Jewish mother raise their kids Jewish, with Jewish traditions, that makes them Jewish. It will be a rare instance when the "legality" of their being Jewish will arise, especially if the dad's family is not observant and you don't plan to move to Israel. The rules had to keep changing to keep up with all the Jewish men marrying shiksas. And yes I resent having been called a shiksa. |
Anonymous
Please. It can well make a difference if when they grow up they want to join a Conservative or Orthodox community, or marry a Conservative or Orthodox Jew, when they will likely need to have a conversion ceremony. If they have always considered themselves Jewish, and the situation has not been fully explained to them growing up, they may find this traumatic and react negatively. Ok but I don't think that is the question here. I don't think people should avoid intermarriage for those reasons. |
Anonymous
The rules had to keep changing to keep up with all the Jewish men marrying shiksas. And yes I resent having been called a shiksa. This is not true. Reform is generally more liberal in all areas with women rabbis and not separate seating. |