Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.

Your response is a word salad so I'm not sure I'm understanding you, but re: the bolded - these are questions to address *before* you say yes to raising them as Jewish. It is not a simple endeavor for a Christian mother to raise Jewish children. You need to know exactly what the expectations are *before* you make that commitment.

RE your position, I am Christian and my DH is Jewish. I could not have agreed to raise my children as Jewish. YMMV

I think you gave me great things to discuss after if deciding that I am okay with being the mother of Jewish children. But first, I need to decide if that is okay.

[Anonymous]

You are not a mom yet and everything changes when you are a mom. You need to be open to that.

If religion is a deal breaker for you getting married, then you need to ask if a change in your heart after your children are born would be a deal breaker in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a mom yet and everything changes when you are a mom. You need to be open to that.

If religion is a deal breaker for you getting married, then you need to ask if a change in your heart after your children are born would be a deal breaker in your marriage.

It's hard to predict how you will feel before you have kids although it's good to think about it. Before Bar / bat mitzvah how would you feel about not baptizing your baby or whatever welcome baby you have in your religion?

[Anonymous]

^^ and are you ok with the idea of a bris for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you practicing Christian OP?

Is your boyfriend willling to share your cultural, non religious holidays with your kids (Santa, Christmas tree, Rudolph, etc)?

1. Yes, I am practicing.
2. Yes, I am not being asked to convert or give up my religion. We will still observe Christian holidays with my family, but the children will be jewish and will have bat mizvahs.

I think that I can say yes to this now, but I was wondering what it like from women that have done this.

I couldn't do this. While you are not being asked to convert you are being asked to consider giving up a core part of who you are. This goes beyond bar/bat mitzvah. The baby will be welcomed into the Jewish community through a bris or a baby naming. Your child will attend religious school and learn about beliefs that you may not agree with or do not understand. The ideas that you were raised with and believe in will not be taught to your children.

Kvelling at your child mitzvah will happen because they are your child and you will learn how much time, effort, and learning go into this. You will be proud because that's your kid. I won't worry about how you feel on that day. I would worry about you're going to feel at home, on the hokidays, when they want to go to camp, or when their upset because their community is being targeted by bomb threats.

I applaud you for giving this careful consideration. What you're being asked to consider doing is huge. Your partner doesn't really understand what he asking if you. It seems so simple right now. If you are a practicing Christian, this will be very hard for you to do. I would urge you and your partner to talk jointly to your respective clergy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The work in cultural Judaism usually falls to the mother. She is the one typically responsible for making holiday dinners, shabbat, cleaning the house for pesach, shopping for hanukkah.

The religious teachings tend to fall to the synagogue.

The dads that I know that are involved in the religious upbringing of their jewish children are well versed in torah, religious teachings, and the underlying meanings. They are heavily involved in the jewish community--they are the type of men that would not marry a non-jewish woman.

Much of raising a jewish child is about continuing on the traditions. It's hard to teach a child traditions that you did not grow up with. Yes, you can follow the rules but honestly, they often don't make any sense (and I'm jewish). There are just things that we do. I'm sure that I could go to the rabbi and learn the reasons behind our traditions but the specifics just aren't important to me and I follow the traditions "because it's what we do".

I have a few non jewish friends that are raising their kids jewish. The common denominator I've seen is that when their husbands met them they were already on the path to conversion---they weren't converting for their husband, it was something that they felt that they had to do for themselves. Once they were married, their MILs helped them to learn the traditions that their husbands had grown up with.

This is an interesting analysis and I never really thought of it that way. In our house, I (the non-Jewish mom) do the "work" of Jewish upbringing because it feels like it's the one thing accessible to me: research recipes, cook the meal, make sure we have all the supplies, coordinate with grandma and guests, etc. My MIL does help. I wouldn't say I was on the road to Judaism before I met my DH, but I was definitely open to it and had lost all connection to my native Catholicism. I still don't consider myself Jewish in any way, except for as the mother of a Jew! My DH (the Jewish one) doesn't really do much except show up but I feel he does the ONE most important thing: leads the prayers in Hebrew and lights the candles. He also reads the bible to our son, although he seems to split it pretty evenly between old and new testament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Yes, and does it mean that you can't teach any of your own traditions, like Christmas? I am secular but I would not have been ok with never having Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you practicing Christian OP?

Is your boyfriend willling to share your cultural, non religious holidays with your kids (Santa, Christmas tree, Rudolph, etc)?

1. Yes, I am practicing.
2. Yes, I am not being asked to convert or give up my religion. We will still observe Christian holidays with my family, but the children will be jewish and will have bat mizvahs.

I think that I can say yes to this now, but I was wondering what it like from women that have done this.

I couldn't do this. While you are not being asked to convert you are being asked to consider giving up a core part of who you are. This goes beyond bar/bat mitzvah. The baby will be welcomed into the Jewish community through a bris or a baby naming. Your child will attend religious school and learn about beliefs that you may not agree with or do not understand. The ideas that you were raised with and believe in will not be taught to your children.

Kvelling at your child mitzvah will happen because they are your child and you will learn how much time, effort, and learning go into this. You will be proud because that's your kid. I won't worry about how you feel on that day. I would worry about you're going to feel at home, on the hokidays, when they want to go to camp, or when their upset because their community is being targeted by bomb threats.

I applaud you for giving this careful consideration. What you're being asked to consider doing is huge. Your partner doesn't really understand what he asking if you. It seems so simple right now. If you are a practicing Christian, this will be very hard for you to do. I would urge you and your partner to talk jointly to your respective clergy.

I completely agree.

~Another practicing Christian who couldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The work in cultural Judaism usually falls to the mother. She is the one typically responsible for making holiday dinners, shabbat, cleaning the house for pesach, shopping for hanukkah.

The religious teachings tend to fall to the synagogue.

The dads that I know that are involved in the religious upbringing of their jewish children are well versed in torah, religious teachings, and the underlying meanings. They are heavily involved in the jewish community--they are the type of men that would not marry a non-jewish woman.

Much of raising a jewish child is about continuing on the traditions. It's hard to teach a child traditions that you did not grow up with. Yes, you can follow the rules but honestly, they often don't make any sense (and I'm jewish). There are just things that we do. I'm sure that I could go to the rabbi and learn the reasons behind our traditions but the specifics just aren't important to me and I follow the traditions "because it's what we do".

I have a few non jewish friends that are raising their kids jewish. The common denominator I've seen is that when their husbands met them they were already on the path to conversion---they weren't converting for their husband, it was something that they felt that they had to do for themselves. Once they were married, their MILs helped them to learn the traditions that their husbands had grown up with.

This is an interesting analysis and I never really thought of it that way. In our house, I (the non-Jewish mom) do the "work" of Jewish upbringing because it feels like it's the one thing accessible to me: research recipes, cook the meal, make sure we have all the supplies, coordinate with grandma and guests, etc. My MIL does help. I wouldn't say I was on the road to Judaism before I met my DH, but I was definitely open to it and had lost all connection to my native Catholicism. I still don't consider myself Jewish in any way, except for as the mother of a Jew! My DH (the Jewish one) doesn't really do much except show up but I feel he does the ONE most important thing: leads the prayers in Hebrew and lights the candles. He also reads the bible to our son, although he seems to split it pretty evenly between old and new testament.

Well, Judaism doesn't think that is the ONE most important thing. The most important things are the day-to-day practices taking place in the home.

Why on earth is your Jewish DH reading the New Testament to his Jewish son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not a mom yet and everything changes when you are a mom. You need to be open to that.

If religion is a deal breaker for you getting married, then you need to ask if a change in your heart after your children are born would be a deal breaker in your marriage.

It's hard to predict how you will feel before you have kids although it's good to think about it. Before Bar / bat mitzvah how would you feel about not baptizing your baby or whatever welcome baby you have in your religion?

+1

Many people, including me, though that religion wasn't a big deal, but the day my first was born, suddenly it was. Suddenly I needed to feel connected to my larger ancestral heritage, including religion, and pass that along to my children.

It would be very painful to me not to be able to do that. I would feel denied as a person and as their mother.

[Anonymous]

My best friend did this and I think she her husband are one of the best married couples I know. She grew up going to Catholic school and her family was pretty devout. They make it work because they both totally respect each other and their faiths. All three kids had bar mitzvah's and her family could not have been more supportive. They absolutely loved the celebration. His family has been to their house for Christmas and enjoy the non religious nature of the holiday. Her husband loves to dress up as Santa and pass out gifts. Both sets of in laws respect the other faith and I think that probably has a lot to do with the success. She continues to go to church by herself each week. One of their kids even went to a Catholic college because it offered a specialty in the field she was interested in studying.

On the other hand, another friend married a Jewish man and she wasn't allowed to put anything in their home to decorate for the holidays. Her mom sent a wreath to their house one year and he made her throw it away. Both kids had a bar mitzvah. They were divorced last year. She posted a picture on Facebook this year of her kids infant of a Christmas tree wearing Santa hats.

Just food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.

Your response is a word salad so I'm not sure I'm understanding you, but re: the bolded - these are questions to address *before* you say yes to raising them as Jewish. It is not a simple endeavor for a Christian mother to raise Jewish children. You need to know exactly what the expectations are *before* you make that commitment.

RE your position, I am Christian and my DH is Jewish. I could not have agreed to raise my children as Jewish. YMMV

I think you gave me great things to discuss after if deciding that I am okay with being the mother of Jewish children. But first, I need to decide if that is okay.

Depending on the answers, you may or may not be ok. Being a "mother of Jewish children" looks different from one family to the next. You need to know what it would look like in yours before agreeing to take on that role.

You are putting the cart before the horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?

Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.

If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.

I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.

Would you be willing to convert?

No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.

I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?

Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?

What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?

Super-important questions.

Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.

Your response is a word salad so I'm not sure I'm understanding you, but re: the bolded - these are questions to address *before* you say yes to raising them as Jewish. It is not a simple endeavor for a Christian mother to raise Jewish children. You need to know exactly what the expectations are *before* you make that commitment.

RE your position, I am Christian and my DH is Jewish. I could not have agreed to raise my children as Jewish. YMMV

I think you gave me great things to discuss after if deciding that I am okay with being the mother of Jewish children. But first, I need to decide if that is okay.

Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means?

Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children.

Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means.

[Anonymous]

How religious is the boufriend?

Who is "more" practicing?

If you are practicing Christian (like you stated earlier), and he is a non practicing, cultural Jew (ypu did not specify) then it does not make sense for you to raise the kids Jewish. You should raise them in your faith tradition if you are the practicing person.

[Anonymous]

Your approach is not very Jewish. When people convert to Judaism, we make them walk the walk for a while and only do the conversion once they understand if our shoe fits. How on earth are you going to decide if it is ok until you understand what it means?

Ask your boyfriend to take you to shul. Not once, not twice, but as long as it takes to decide if this is something you can accept for your children.

Judaism isn't about a leap of faith. It is about walking the walk. You really ought to do some learning about this thing you might promise. So ask your boyfriend to help you see what being Jewish means.

That is not an issue, I am not converting.