Broke up with my boyfriend over road rage incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^In the city, at lower speeds, honking happens and you move on. And it happens non stop. I know. I lived with it in New York. But honking accomplishes nothing in those driving situations other than noise pollution and aggravation.

On highways, in suburbs, on busy roads not in the city (and yes even in the city, too), honking can startle drivers. Sorry, it just does. It may not startle you, but the fact that you are immune means nothing.

Other people are in fact startled by honking and it can create a dangerous distraction.

This is ridiculous. Sometimes you're about to be in a collision, and you need to honk. The other driver swerves or stops at that point.

Try driving around the Chevy Chase Circle on Connecticut at rush hour, when cars coming down Connecticut don't yield to cars inside the circle until they honk.

And yes, I've lived and driven in NY too. I don't believe in honking just to show someone they made a mistake, but I do honk when someone is cutting me off and about to kill me and my little kids. Everything in moderation.

ok. And how does the PP's post disagree with yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^In the city, at lower speeds, honking happens and you move on. And it happens non stop. I know. I lived with it in New York. But honking accomplishes nothing in those driving situations other than noise pollution and aggravation.

On highways, in suburbs, on busy roads not in the city (and yes even in the city, too), honking can startle drivers. Sorry, it just does. It may not startle you, but the fact that you are immune means nothing.

Other people are in fact startled by honking and it can create a dangerous distraction.

Yes PP.

It startles me and distracts me when someone honks several times. I start trying to figure out what exactly is going on, whether oil is leaking out of my car, whether I have a flat tire. etc.

What is going on is you should pull your head out of your ass and get out of everyone's way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^In the city, at lower speeds, honking happens and you move on. And it happens non stop. I know. I lived with it in New York. But honking accomplishes nothing in those driving situations other than noise pollution and aggravation.

On highways, in suburbs, on busy roads not in the city (and yes even in the city, too), honking can startle drivers. Sorry, it just does. It may not startle you, but the fact that you are immune means nothing.

Other people are in fact startled by honking and it can create a dangerous distraction.

This is ridiculous. Sometimes you're about to be in a collision, and you need to honk. The other driver swerves or stops at that point.

Try driving around the Chevy Chase Circle on Connecticut at rush hour, when cars coming down Connecticut don't yield to cars inside the circle until they honk.

And yes, I've lived and driven in NY too. I don't believe in honking just to show someone they made a mistake, [b]but I do honk when someone is cutting me off and about to kill me and my little kids. [\b]Everything in moderation.

this is good honking time.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time which eventually turned to threats of physical abuse. I finally left after the second threat of physical abuse.

In retrospect, road rage was one of the earliest red flags.

I wish I had gotten out at the first display of road rage. It would have saved me years of wasted time in a dysfunctional relationship and much damage to my psyche. Staying with this kind of dysfunction teaches you to walk on eggshells and constantly monitor your partner's emotions and adjust your own behavior to maximize chances to get your partner not to lose his cool. That is no way to live and permanently damages the way you interact with others, not just your partner.

Of course, everyone loses their cool once in awhile and honking is part of driving (but not excessively so).

I think if you came here to comment on this behavior, then you know also that it was out of line.

The choice is simple -- do you want to live with that kind of anger in your life? If not, it is time to end the relationship. If you are willing to live with such anger, you really should get into therapy to ask examine why you are willing to live like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again,

Didn't expect to get this type of response.
For the person who accused me of wanting applause, I just posted mostly to see if anyone could relate. I never thought of breaking up with someone for road rage.
Yes I do consider what he did road rage.
We were in a neighborhood street because he wanted to take a shortcut to the restaurant.

There's a main street with two way traffic, if you want to turn you have to stop if there's approaching traffic.

The other driver didn't stop short or suddenly.
They slowed down and signaled with plenty of time and warning and there were cars coming.

But my now ex was just in a hurry. Like I said he could have gone round.

We weren't even waiting that long not even 2 minutes.

He was slamming on the horn.

I think what bothered me most about it afterwards is that he didn't seem to care, wouldn't even consider another viewpoint and instead chose to call me names.

It's going to be difficult to explain why I broke up with Mr. Perfect thought.

WAYYYYY too long. i'm team ex-bf.

[Anonymous]

I think you made the right call OP. Part of being an adult is reflecting on our choices and being able to admit when we're wrong.

No one is perfect and maybe everyone has a bad day and honk at a car when they shouldn't--however after all is said and done being able to acknowledge that they were impatient and could have made a better choice in that moment is important. Deflecting his behavior by pointing out your flaws is another sign of immaturity.

Perhaps this person will mature, but who wants to hang around for if and when that happens.

[Anonymous]

BTW, OP, I dated someone who was great in many ways but had this same kind of problem. It's partly an anger issue and a control issue. If someone can't acknowledge there own issues--it's a non-starter and won't improve.

[Anonymous]

He has major anger issues especially if he has done all of this stuff before.

It is manifesting itself on the surface, but there is much more anger under what you can see.

Good call for letting him go.
I promise you that you will surely thank your lucky stars in the future!!

[Anonymous]

I want to applaud you for taking the safety of others so serious. Like you said there could of been a lot of reasons for why the driver was not able respond as fast as your boyfriend wanted. It sounds like he might have some anger issues going which is always a sign of something deeper.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely did the right thing. Move on.
Take it from someone who GREATLY REGRETS ignoring red flags like the example you gave.
It will get worse. It will leak into every area of life. It will affect your children.
Move on. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time which eventually turned to threats of physical abuse. I finally left after the second threat of physical abuse.

In retrospect, road rage was one of the earliest red flags.

I wish I had gotten out at the first display of road rage. It would have saved me years of wasted time in a dysfunctional relationship and much damage to my psyche. Staying with this kind of dysfunction teaches you to walk on eggshells and constantly monitor your partner's emotions and adjust your own behavior to maximize chances to get your partner not to lose his cool. That is no way to live and permanently damages the way you interact with others, not just your partner.

Of course, everyone loses their cool once in awhile and honking is part of driving (but not excessively so).

I think if you came here to comment on this behavior, then you know also that it was out of line.

The choice is simple -- do you want to live with that kind of anger in your life? If not, it is time to end the relationship. If you are willing to live with such anger, you really should get into therapy to ask examine why you are willing to live like this.

I agree completely. One of the first red flags with my ex was that he got mad at me for not telling him to exit (we were driving on an unfamiliar highway). He was so angry that he stopped our car in the fast lane of a busy highway to yell at me. I was terrified. Cars were swerving around us. It only got worse after that.