Broke up with my boyfriend over road rage incident

[Anonymous]

If this was a one-time thing, forget it and move on (unless you're totally perfect yourself). If he has a habit of losing his temper, that's something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, serious question.... Would you have divorced him for road rage if he was your husband and not boy friend?

I am the app who agrees with the OP and pointed out kids may be in danger if he pisses off the wrong driver. My DH displays the same type of anger when driving. I have considered divorce because he has done it while driving the kids. Now when he has to drive the kids into DC I have to remind him to remember that he has kids in the car. This is a point of contention with us. He gets angry driving and seems to feel that he is the only good driver on the road. It brings out the worst in him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would not break up with someone over this. We also don't know the whole story. Maybe the car in front could have went but got scared and waited. Maybe the other car could have moved over into another lane but blocked the lane

So you honk at them? And while turning????

+1. I have never honked at anyone in anger.

I use my honk to warn drivers when there is trouble, e.g. our cars are too close to each other, they are backing up into my car.

If your car is not completely in the turning lane and therefor, your cars ass is blocking my lane, yes, you will get honked at. That is dangerous and I am "warning" you to move over more

Nothing wrong with that. If your honk can get a driver to move over, yeah. But honking to show your disapproval of the driver's conduct and nothing else, is disruptive.

Agreed. We all occasionally end up in some driving situations that were stupid. Stuck in a lane, whatever. Just be patient. You'll eventually get where you need to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not break up with someone over this. We also don't know the whole story. Maybe the car in front could have went but got scared and waited. Maybe the other car could have moved over into another lane but blocked the lane

So you honk at them? And while turning????

+1. I have never honked at anyone in anger.

I use my honk to warn drivers when there is trouble, e.g. our cars are too close to each other, they are backing up into my car.

If your car is not completely in the turning lane and therefor, your cars ass is blocking my lane, yes, you will get honked at. That is dangerous and I am "warning" you to move over more

The fact that you feel entitled to "recourse" is one of the foundations of road rage. It's that entitlement, that vindictivity, that need to express that someone did something that you don't approve of and to make sure that they know it... It's that mentality that leads to road rage.

Nothing wrong with that. If your honk can get a driver to move over, yeah. But honking to show your disapproval of the driver's conduct and nothing else, is disruptive.

But if a driver is blocking a lane of traffic because of their misconduct, what recourse do drivers have? How do we ensure folk follow the rules?

They are breaking the law and holding up traffic for dozens of cars because they couldn't be bothered to wait in the queue like everyone else? If we had recourse their behavior, they would be less likely to enrage someone who take more drastic action than honking.

[Anonymous]

OP, I applaud you for breaking up with someone who is displaying behavior you find troubling. It doesn't matter if all of us agree with your perception about that behavior, the fact is the way he was acting (more than once it sounds like) makes you uncomfortable and concerned.

If more people would break up when they see things they don't like during dating, instead of letting things go or trying to change the person, we'd have way less marital issues. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit I have what I call mild to moderate road rage... No one's perfect!

Figure your issues out. You are a danger to others on the road

+1 Think of good behavior and self-control in the car as an extension of the rules of the road. Rules make a complicated moving system work and by extension, keep more people moving faster and more safely. "Honking at people doing dumb things" is distracting to everyone around you (the driver you're honking at, the other drivers, and to you too). It's the community-level version of yelling at someone. It disrupts the system. That's why it's so selfish.

Yes, it was actually the very first class in driver's ed back when I was in school. Driving angry is driving impaired.

I remember that, too! And I totally agree. Honking to express anger or to chastise another driver is on the continuum of road rage. I only honk to let someone know that I am there, if necessary, or to alert someone that the light has turned green if it appears they aren't paying attention. Plus, honking is basically noise pollution. It's illegal in NYC to honk the horn unnecessarily. In a residential neighborhood, it's extra obnoxious. I always think that the horn should sound as loud (or louder) *in* the car as it does outside the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was a one-time thing, forget it and move on (unless you're totally perfect yourself). If he has a habit of losing his temper, that's something else.

Agree with this very wise, nondramatic PP.

[Anonymous]

If you are turning onto a side street and there's some sort of traffic activity which means you can't proceed, then yes you have to stop and the traffic behind you has to wait. Am I missing something here? What else could this driver have done?

[Anonymous]

Good job OP. It's nice to see a woman on here who made a wise choice instead of getting saddled with the loser for life which is sadly too often the case. Cheers to not tolerating angry douchebags

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are turning onto a side street and there's some sort of traffic activity which means you can't proceed, then yes you have to stop and the traffic behind you has to wait. Am I missing something here? What else could this driver have done?

You're supposed to magically get out of their way!!

But really, I had someone flip out and honk at me in anger recently. I was on a single lane road and wanted to turn left. There was a line of on coming cars and so I had to wait. There wasn't a turn lane and no, I couldn't have gunned the engine and made the turn. The car behind me that had to wait for me slammed on their horn and yelled and was furious at the very short delay. That's not okay. It sounds like the same zoo as OP's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit I have what I call mild to moderate road rage... No one's perfect!

Figure your issues out. You are a danger to others on the road

+1 Think of good behavior and self-control in the car as an extension of the rules of the road. Rules make a complicated moving system work and by extension, keep more people moving faster and more safely. "Honking at people doing dumb things" is distracting to everyone around you (the driver you're honking at, the other drivers, and to you too). It's the community-level version of yelling at someone. It disrupts the system. That's why it's so selfish.

NP here.

The above is 100% incorrect. Failing to honk at people who violate the rules is being complicit in their rudeness and anti-social behavior. How will we ever discourage rude/dangerous driving if we don't express our disapproval to the perpetrators?

Failing to honk (when another party is engaging in misconduct) is the moral equivalent of staying silent when you hear someone tell an inappropriate joke. You're complicit.

I won't be part of that. Drive like an a** in my vicinity and I'll let you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit I have what I call mild to moderate road rage... No one's perfect!

Figure your issues out. You are a danger to others on the road

+1 Think of good behavior and self-control in the car as an extension of the rules of the road. Rules make a complicated moving system work and by extension, keep more people moving faster and more safely. "Honking at people doing dumb things" is distracting to everyone around you (the driver you're honking at, the other drivers, and to you too). It's the community-level version of yelling at someone. It disrupts the system. That's why it's so selfish.

NP here.

The above is 100% incorrect. Failing to honk at people who violate the rules is being complicit in their rudeness and anti-social behavior. How will we ever discourage rude/dangerous driving if we don't express our disapproval to the perpetrators?

Failing to honk (when another party is engaging in misconduct) is the moral equivalent of staying silent when you hear someone tell an inappropriate joke. You're complicit.

I won't be part of that. Drive like an a** in my vicinity and I'll let you know.

I'm the original 'mild road rage' poster and this is somewhat my position.

That said, if the person in front of me is a nervous nellie (and that is usually obvious) I will usually not honk. Not because I feel any sympathy for them, personally IMO if you can't merge in a timely manner you shouldn't be driving, but because honking usually just makes them SLOWER and MORE NERVOUS which makes me more angry. So I will just fume silently in my car.

My road rage generally doesn't manifest in that much honking. I'm just super pissed off in my car. I'm more likely to honk at a fellow aggressive driver that did something dangerous or particularly douchey than I am to honk at a crappy driver driving 10 below the limit in the left lane. That slow guy is either going to just go more slow cause they're nervous or they're going to be one of the secretly ragey slow drivers who will go out of their way to flash their brights at me or actively try to not let me pass or slow way down to hurt everyone on the road. Aggressive drivers are at least predictable.

[Anonymous]

^ but everyone has to learn to drive, too, and they're always told, don't turn of you're not comfortable turning. Which is good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit I have what I call mild to moderate road rage... No one's perfect!

Figure your issues out. You are a danger to others on the road

+1 Think of good behavior and self-control in the car as an extension of the rules of the road. Rules make a complicated moving system work and by extension, keep more people moving faster and more safely. "Honking at people doing dumb things" is distracting to everyone around you (the driver you're honking at, the other drivers, and to you too). It's the community-level version of yelling at someone. It disrupts the system. That's why it's so selfish.

NP here.

The above is 100% incorrect. Failing to honk at people who violate the rules is being complicit in their rudeness and anti-social behavior. How will we ever discourage rude/dangerous driving if we don't express our disapproval to the perpetrators?

Failing to honk (when another party is engaging in misconduct) is the moral equivalent of staying silent when you hear someone tell an inappropriate joke. You're complicit.

I won't be part of that. Drive like an a** in my vicinity and I'll let you know.

Wow... I am sure you are fun at parties. Check yourself into an anger management program. I bet you go around displacing vigilante justice all over the city. Do you wear a cape and a mask???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit I have what I call mild to moderate road rage... No one's perfect!

Figure your issues out. You are a danger to others on the road

+1 Think of good behavior and self-control in the car as an extension of the rules of the road. Rules make a complicated moving system work and by extension, keep more people moving faster and more safely. "Honking at people doing dumb things" is distracting to everyone around you (the driver you're honking at, the other drivers, and to you too). It's the community-level version of yelling at someone. It disrupts the system. That's why it's so selfish.

NP here.

The above is 100% incorrect. Failing to honk at people who violate the rules is being complicit in their rudeness and anti-social behavior. How will we ever discourage rude/dangerous driving if we don't express our disapproval to the perpetrators?

Failing to honk (when another party is engaging in misconduct) is the moral equivalent of staying silent when you hear someone tell an inappropriate joke. You're complicit.

I won't be part of that. Drive like an a** in my vicinity and I'll let you know.

Wow... I am sure you are fun at parties. Check yourself into an anger management program. I bet you go around displacing vigilante justice all over the city. Do you wear a cape and a mask???

I look good in a mask and cape. The tights? Not so much.

Bottom line: if I see someone behaving rudely or dangerously in public, I speak up. Not because I'm angry (though I sometimes am), but because I care about my community.

Whether be someone swearing at a waiter, telling a racist joke, or swerving across three lanes of traffic to make a turn (instead of going around the block), I believe that we all have a responsibility to do what we can to prevent/discourage rude and dangerous behavior.

I hardly think that makes me a "vigilante". You want to stand by and let people be abusive in public? Your prerogative, I suppose. But in my view it makes the world a worse place.