3rd grade DD circle of friends excluded playdates

[Anonymous]

I very much understand your dilemma. Sometimes moms can form cliques that can feel very much like high school. If you don’t belong, your child is an outsider. I think that you and your husband definitely need to make a concerted effort to reach out to the other parents. You might even consider hosting a get together with other parents who may be having the same dilemma that you expressed.
As the hostess, you will also have the opportunity to observe your child’s social behavior. If your child is a “tiring” as you mentioned, it probably would have surfaced at school as well. The teacher would have mentioned it I am sure.
You can also volunteer for an hour or so in the classroom. This will give you a chance to see how your child is interacting with friends and how those friends are interacting with her.
It is painful to see your child left out. It is very good that you are taking note of that and looking into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I very much understand your dilemma. Sometimes moms can form cliques that can feel very much like high school. If you don’t belong, your child is an outsider. I think that you and your husband definitely need to make a concerted effort to reach out to the other parents. You might even consider hosting a get together with other parents who may be having the same dilemma that you expressed.
As the hostess, you will also have the opportunity to observe your child’s social behavior. If your child is a “tiring” as you mentioned, it probably would have surfaced at school as well. The teacher would have mentioned it I am sure.
You can also volunteer for an hour or so in the classroom. This will give you a chance to see how your child is interacting with friends and how those friends are interacting with her.
It is painful to see your child left out. It is very good that you are taking note of that and looking into it.

She will be able to identify them by a scarlet letter or asking point blank "Are you shunned by other parents and your child is never invited? How about drinks at my place at 6 on Sunday?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No wonder OP and her DD don't get invited to parties and play dates. I wouldn't want them at my house either.

Can you elaborate? I have insulted no one, just asked questions and talked about how my goal is to raise a strong girl but am worried that may be a bad fit in how maybe little girls are expected to behave? I honestly don't mean to offend.

PP here. I have 2 boys. We host multiple play dates per week and packed social lives. I do a mix of kid only drop offs, mom plus kids and entire families. When kids are dropped off, kids go off and play together. If I like the mom, I hang out with the mom while kids play. If dads get along, the whole family hangs out. Repeat invitations go out to kids who play well with my children, are well behaved and create no drama. Parents invited back if they are fun to hang out with. From everything you write about your daughter, I would not want your daughter hanging around me and I would not want to hang out with you either. That is why I would not want you at my house.

Peace. I can tell you wouldn't want to hang out with us because we are often friends across gender (moms can hang out with dads and vice versa); we clearly wouldn't mesh with your social structure. Thanks for the clarifying.

OP, she sounds like a complete Type-A over-scheduling, over-parenting bitch. You and your daughter are better off.

Just because I would not want to hang out with OP and her daughter doesn't make me an overscheduling bitch. My kids have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends and I have a lot of friends. People like us. My kids' friends can't get enough of each other. We all live within a 2 mile radius and it isn't so hard to get together. Even with travel, sports and family obligations, we can find and hour or two that works for everyone.

It doesn't sound like anyone is begging to hang out with OP's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I very much understand your dilemma. Sometimes moms can form cliques that can feel very much like high school. If you don’t belong, your child is an outsider. I think that you and your husband definitely need to make a concerted effort to reach out to the other parents. You might even consider hosting a get together with other parents who may be having the same dilemma that you expressed.
As the hostess, you will also have the opportunity to observe your child’s social behavior. If your child is a “tiring” as you mentioned, it probably would have surfaced at school as well. The teacher would have mentioned it I am sure.
You can also volunteer for an hour or so in the classroom. This will give you a chance to see how your child is interacting with friends and how those friends are interacting with her.
It is painful to see your child left out. It is very good that you are taking note of that and looking into it.

I'm a mom whose kids have lots of play dates. My kids have play dates with plenty of kids whose parents I am not friends with.

I do see the parents at kid activities and we chit chat for a minute or two. Many play dates are drop off.

We do have family friends where the whole family are friends but those friendships were not formed from elementary school. I wouldn't say I am friends with one person from my children's elementary school.