My SIL makes family functions unbearable - I really need to vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not projecting because none of my inlaws or extended relatives even know about my infertility story. And I have never done any of the things you say your SIL has done.

I also didn't paint your SIL with rose colored glasses.

But your story is mixed up. First, she's mean because she's infertile and you've endured it out of compassion for her situation, but she's pushing the limits. Then she is mean but using "infertility" as an excuse to behave badly.

I'm not sure she's "bullying" elderly parents into given money. She can say what she wants, and they can say no. We're talking about adults. And that doesn't involve you; it's between her and the parents.

If you don't like her and think she is a "bully" and mean and behaves badly, then distance yourself from her. Your an adult. You qualify everything with "I've always been incredibly kind to her regarding infertility." I don't know what that means. Do you want a cookie?

If she doesn't something you're upset about, holding a grudge but not saying anything to her isn't "being kind." It's passive aggressive. If you are bothered by something she does and you aren't willing to let it go, then you should tell her and then if you reach a standstill, then distance yourself from her.

You need to separate the infertility issue with the relationship issue. That's my point. It sounds like you are just as guilty as she is of making all of these disagreements about her infertility, instead of about your relationship, disputes or wrongs that have gone unaddressed, et cetera.

Not the OP, and I think you need to step out and leave OP alone. You are way off and definitely projecting your own shit on this situation and, as OP mentioned, twisting things and making shit up. Please go. Talk to someone who cares about you and find another way to deal.

Okay, PP is struggles with fertility issues. Does it make her less human to you? She can't even voice her opinion on an internet board now? Wow. Some of you are just vile. I pity your families...

[Anonymous]

Okay, PP is struggles with fertility issues. Does it make her less human to you? She can't even voice her opinion on an internet board now? Wow. Some of you are just vile. I pity your families...

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

You have outed yourself as nothing but a troublemaker. You called OP vile and defend a person who hits and yells at her relatives. Your responses on the other threads are rude. Please get a new hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.

If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

You have outed yourself as nothing but a troublemaker. You called OP vile and defend a person who hits and yells at her relatives. Your responses on the other threads are rude. Please get a new hobby.

I didn't call OP vile. I called you vile. Own up and don't redirect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.

If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

LOL Who's here to make useful contributions? Fine, there are people who think they are useful, but no, they're not.

I don't think sides. I do think OP is a bit of a drama queen. No matter how unfortunate or crazy the relative, if you need to vent, you seriously need to reacess your priorities. Otherwise, enjoy the drama, what else is there to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

You have outed yourself as nothing but a troublemaker. You called OP vile and defend a person who hits and yells at her relatives. Your responses on the other threads are rude. Please get a new hobby.

I didn't call OP vile. I called you vile. Own up and don't redirect

Doesn't matter who you called vile. You're an ass. You've made it obvious you are just hear to antagonize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.
If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

LOL Who's here to make useful contributions? Fine, there are people who think they are useful, but no, they're not.

I don't think sides. I do think OP is a bit of a drama queen. No matter how unfortunate or crazy the relative, if you need to vent, you seriously need to reacess your priorities. Otherwise, enjoy the drama, what else is there to say?

So it's fine for you to insult people and call them vile.
But it's not fine for a long-suffering person to vent anonymously on the internet, without using any hurtful words, and ask for advice so that she can avoid blowing up at the person that is causing her suffering?
Have you never complained to anyone about anything before? Can you accept that other might need to do the same?
So you understand that you are holding up other people to a much higher standard than your own self?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.
If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

LOL Who's here to make useful contributions? Fine, there are people who think they are useful, but no, they're not.

I don't think sides. I do think OP is a bit of a drama queen. No matter how unfortunate or crazy the relative, if you need to vent, you seriously need to reacess your priorities. Otherwise, enjoy the drama, what else is there to say?

So it's fine for you to insult people and call them vile.
But it's not fine for a long-suffering person to vent anonymously on the internet, without using any hurtful words, and ask for advice so that she can avoid blowing up at the person that is causing her suffering?
Have you never complained to anyone about anything before? Can you accept that other might need to do the same?
So you understand that you are holding up other people to a much higher standard than your own self?

I'm the other PP who is telling this nasty PP to please go away. Maybe we should ignore her? Anyway, I hope you have a good day and enjoy this rare sunshine.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say it...based on what I've read here the SIL would likely be a terrible mother. Any woman who would express disappointment that a child in a car accident is OK should not be a mother. She's evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.
If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

LOL Who's here to make useful contributions? Fine, there are people who think they are useful, but no, they're not.

I don't think sides. I do think OP is a bit of a drama queen. No matter how unfortunate or crazy the relative, if you need to vent, you seriously need to reacess your priorities. Otherwise, enjoy the drama, what else is there to say?

So it's fine for you to insult people and call them vile.
But it's not fine for a long-suffering person to vent anonymously on the internet, without using any hurtful words, and ask for advice so that she can avoid blowing up at the person that is causing her suffering?
Have you never complained to anyone about anything before? Can you accept that other might need to do the same?
So you understand that you are holding up other people to a much higher standard than your own self?

Yes, it's okay for me to say the other poster is vile, because it is my opinion of her. Yes, it's okay for OP to vent, because she obviously can't go on without venting. Yes, I have complained about shit, and I fully accept someone else's need to do the same. Shockingly, it is still okay for me and everybody else to comment on an open forum.

I literally hold DCUM to no standard. I recommend the same to you. If you can't handle differing opinions, maybe you should stick to blogs. It's okay too. Just. Lighten. Up.

[Anonymous]

Someone needs to grow a pair and in the next instance this behavior happens again, it's time to tell her that you're not going to listen to it anymore. It's unacceptable.

It's time that she gets help to accept her situation and manage her depression.

It's not your responsibility or your inlaw's responsibility to pay for the medical treatments that may or may not help her get pregnant. LOADS of people want to pursue fertility treatments and cannot afford them. It sucks. It's life.

It's also not your job to save them from financial ruin - that's crazy to me.

The family needs to decide that you've all pitched in as much as you can, done what you can to help and it's done now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Looks like you responded to a bunch of threads in a few minutes, all responses inflammatory and rude. Go away.

I didn't realize I have to take long breaks between responding to a few threads on top of the list! Anyway, I often call out posters who are inflammatory, rude, and tell people to go away. Maybe you should heed your own advice.

Slowly does it, PP. If you can't take the time to read the whole thread or at least get a correct sense of what all the main protagonists did, your opinion will be based on an incorrect reading of facts, and will there for be null and void. Don't be trigger-happy, it will lead you to dump on a ton of threads without making useful contributions.
If you had actually taken the time to think, everybody except one loony individual and yourself (perhaps you are the same person!) is firmly on OP's side, since it's been more than a decade of one mentally ill family member being abusive to the others.

LOL Who's here to make useful contributions? Fine, there are people who think they are useful, but no, they're not.

I don't think sides. I do think OP is a bit of a drama queen. No matter how unfortunate or crazy the relative, if you need to vent, you seriously need to reacess your priorities. Otherwise, enjoy the drama, what else is there to say?

So it's fine for you to insult people and call them vile.
But it's not fine for a long-suffering person to vent anonymously on the internet, without using any hurtful words, and ask for advice so that she can avoid blowing up at the person that is causing her suffering?
Have you never complained to anyone about anything before? Can you accept that other might need to do the same?
So you understand that you are holding up other people to a much higher standard than your own self?

Yes, it's okay for me to say the other poster is vile, because it is my opinion of her. Yes, it's okay for OP to vent, because she obviously can't go on without venting. Yes, I have complained about shit, and I fully accept someone else's need to do the same. Shockingly, it is still okay for me and everybody else to comment on an open forum.

I literally hold DCUM to no standard. I recommend the same to you. If you can't handle differing opinions, maybe you should stick to blogs. It's okay too. Just. Lighten. Up.

you are very weird. Very.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're still even reading after all the nonsense posts from the person who just wants to blast you --

NP here. I do get why you're venting. Fifteen years of this behavior -- which is very much about SIL being sure she remains at the center of everyone's attention because (for right or wrong) she feels she belongs there due to her situation -- is way too long.

Here's what seems to have gotten lost amid all the back-and-forth posts above. Your SIL got physical with you. That alone is reason to limit or stop contact with her. You have kids and so does the other SIl. Both your family and other-SIL's need to protect your kids, not just because she might go off on them but also because you don't need your kids to grow up thinking that toxic family members who physically attack others must be tolerated just because they're family.

If she was contrite on some level, it's your choice whether you carry on, but I would truly be ready for the next time and if she hits anyone or verbally abuses anyone, the rest of you adults need to step in even if you're not the one being abused, and call SIL out and tell her to leave, or all of you leave her standing there alone. She of course will blame all of you and decide she's in the right, but your family as a whole needs to agree on how to react to her, as well as limiting what you see of her. She gets abusive and she is asked to leave and come back when she can be an adult.

The sad thing is, you mention at one point that other than the obsession (and it seems to have become just that) with her infertility, she's good to be around. I feel sorry for her husband. He must feel he's lost the person he married as she has descended into a tragically self-centered world. Yes, the infertity is a personal tragedy, but she has made it her definition of who she IS in every interaction.