Teen puts down my profession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ I went back and read some of your answers OP. It sounds like you're judging him for failing to live up to your standards academically. Not that what he said to you is ok- it's not- but he could be rebelling against what he perceives is your judgment that he is not up to your standard. That would make sense, given what he is saying when he's lashing out at you. Children need limits. They also need to feel loved unconditionally, not because they get good grades. If I were in your position I'd do two things. I'd lay off the academic pressure, and I'd stress that it's more important to be kind and respectful than to get good grades. And when he's disrespectful, I'd take his favorite thing away.

+1 and I would add that you should talk to him about his goals and plans for the future, and not just tell him that he needs to go to a good college and get a good job because you said so. If he doesn't know what he wants to do, he may not see the point in working hard at school to get into a good college. I was a little bit like him at that age (though never quite so rude to my mom!) and something that helped me was when my dad told me "You don't close any doors by doing your best at whatever it is you're doing. You can close doors by not putting in the effort." I.e., you may not be sure you want to go to college, but you don't close any doors by working hard at school instead of slacking. And if you decide you do want to go to college, then you have the option to do so. If you just stop trying and get bad grades, then you are closing that door for yourself. Having a conversation like that might help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

He absolutely does take things for granted. When I try to teach him about budgeting and not wasting money, he will say " we have lots of money".
Of course I teach family values. Maybe he needs to volunteer.

He needs a job and chores. He also needs consequences for being lazy.

He needs to know that there are lots of gifted failures in the world. Giftedmatters a while lot less than hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

He absolutely does take things for granted. When I try to teach him about budgeting and not wasting money, he will say " we have lots of money".
Of course I teach family values. Maybe he needs to volunteer.

No. "We don't have lot's of money." His PARENTS have lots of money. He has NOTHING.

What about that Cosby episode where Theo has to buy back off the stuff in his room because it really isn't *his* since his parents paid for it. Love that episode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Not PP, but nursing school is hard to get into, hard to graduate, and a hard career. It is also one of the most respected professions. The little twerp is wrong and he is being a snot to his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Not PP, but nursing school is hard to get into, hard to graduate, and a hard career. It is also one of the most respected professions. The little twerp is wrong and he is being a snot to his mom.

Agree with above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

Oh, and it's your mom's fault you were a bitch? (not sure you've entirely outgrown it yet)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a Bachelors degree in nursing. I work PT as an RN.

My son is 14. He is gifted, IQ 135. He is also lazy and gets mediocre marks. When I have talks with him about getting into a good college and getting a good job, he says things like:
How much money do you make? I will make way more.
You are only rich because dad makes a lot of money.


When I talk about him reaching his potential, he says things like:
Why didn't YOU go to medical school?
Why didn't YOU reach your potential?
Oh, wow you're a nurse, big deal.
Then he will remark that I am not gifted and he is and he is smarter than me.

This is utterly disrespectful and I'm clearly just venting. Any advice?

I think some of the PPs have a good point. Are you putting too much pressure on him to get a "good job"? I have a highly gifted 6th grader, and up until this year his goal was to be a landscaper. I was good with that. I just remind him to do his best at whatever he does. At the moment that is school. (and he's pretty entrepreneurial with yard work.) I think a happy and mentally stable kid will do better in the long term than a stressed kid pressured into things that don't feel like a fit.

[Anonymous]

This world has plenty of smart people. What we need is more good people. If your son is this way with you, he's probably more obnoxious to his "lesser" schoolmates who are not "as gifted" as he. I'd watch for that. I'd stop telling him he's gifted. If he proves it, fine.

[Anonymous]

I have to say something here. My tween announced rudely at dinner the other day that I was lazy. Mind you I work FT and put a meal from scratch on the table each and every night. I shot him a look of such utter disgust and said one pharase calmly "What did you just say" that he cried right at the dinner table practically instantly. Even my DH who is a hot head was completely silent.

I shocked the shit out of myself that I was able to muster up such a glare. He knew instantly that he was up shits creek.

[Anonymous]

This world has plenty of smart people. What we need is more good people. If your son is this way with you, he's probably more obnoxious to his "lesser" schoolmates who are not "as gifted" as he. I'd watch for that. I'd stop telling him he's gifted. If he proves it, fine.

+1 If he's so smart, he should understand the importance of empathy. There are lots of Sheldons out there who never accomplish anything because they are full of themselves and can't get along with others.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, they don't tell you before you have a baby how often you will want to give them the finger. He's 14. You can totally give him the finger. I would!

[Anonymous]

Instead of cajoling him to get better grades - how about you say, "Larlo, you need to achieve a GPA of 3.5 (or whatever is attainable at this point) to remain at your school. If you do not, you will be going to the local public in the fall" Then leave it alone unless he asks you for help. Do not budge. Do not change your mind.

And when he baits you with his bullshit comments -- just ignore him and leave the room. There is no reason to give anything he says (in that vein) one iota of attention.

[Anonymous]

Um, I'm a rocket scientist and my teen thinks I'm dumb.
Teens are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of cajoling him to get better grades - how about you say, "Larlo, you need to achieve a GPA of 3.5 (or whatever is attainable at this point) to remain at your school. If you do not, you will be going to the local public in the fall" Then leave it alone unless he asks you for help. Do not budge. Do not change your mind.

And when he baits you with his bullshit comments -- just ignore him and leave the room. There is no reason to give anything he says (in that vein) one iota of attention.

Discussing grades or dictating a certain gpa is a sure way to make the kid fail out.
They're growing up - they have to have the idea that what they are achieving is because of their efforts, not mommy and daddy's.
Leave the kid be to figure it out.
Your job is to set limits with his behavior but not his grades and what he studies - stay out of that or you are going to cripple the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

Oh, and it's your mom's fault you were a bitch? (not sure you've entirely outgrown it yet)

+1000!!