Teen puts down my profession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wtf. Take away all privileges and stop doing things for him. If he's so smart, tell him to figure out a way to start making money now. Some very smart, enterprising 14 yr olds are able to do this.

If he is so smart, why does he get such mediocre grades? And why do you continue to pay for his private school? Don't pay for his college. Let him figure it out, if he's so smart.

I'm gonna be tough on you here -- you are a wimp, and enabling him.

And where is the father in all of this? He needs to set his son straight.

I appreciate your advice.
DH is setting him straight, that part is covered.
This is his first year of private school. I am reconsidering next year TBH. Debating pulling him out.
How am I enabling him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a Bachelors degree in nursing. I work PT as an RN.

My son is 14. He is gifted, IQ 135. He is also lazy and gets mediocre marks. When I have talks with him about getting into a good college and getting a good job, he says things like:
How much money do you make? I will make way more.
You are only rich because dad makes a lot of money.


When I talk about him reaching his potential, he says things like:
Why didn't YOU go to medical school?
Why didn't YOU reach your potential?
Oh, wow you're a nurse, big deal.
Then he will remark that I am not gifted and he is and he is smarter than me.

This is utterly disrespectful and I'm clearly just venting. Any advice?

My advice is you give him the back of your hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Bachelors degree in nursing. I work PT as an RN.

My son is 14. He is gifted, IQ 135. He is also lazy and gets mediocre marks. When I have talks with him about getting into a good college and getting a good job, he says things like:
How much money do you make? I will make way more.
You are only rich because dad makes a lot of money.


When I talk about him reaching his potential, he says things like:
Why didn't YOU go to medical school?
Why didn't YOU reach your potential?
Oh, wow you're a nurse, big deal.
Then he will remark that I am not gifted and he is and he is smarter than me.

This is utterly disrespectful and I'm clearly just venting. Any advice?

I'm a mom of four grown kids. One high schooler. Two of mine are "highly gifted", whatever that means.

My thoughts - You created this. Your son didn't turn into a little ass overnight. You had better get him under control now or you are going to be in for a miserable four + years.

If one of my kids talked to me like that, his entire would come crashing down on him like a brick house. He would have a matress and basic clothing in his room and that's it. No phone, no computer, nothing but the absolute minimum. You need to ask yourself why you would tolerate disrespect from anyone, especially a child that you provide for. Also, if one of my boys had talked to me like that. My husband would have jumped to my defense.

You raised a disrespectful brat with an over-inflated sense of self-worth. It may honestly be too late to turn this around without a lot of help.

My DH wasn't there when this happened. He did jump to my defence when I told him.

So, I should take away everything?

[Anonymous]

OP - he is not question your profession. He is testing your place in your household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Bachelors degree in nursing. I work PT as an RN.

My son is 14. He is gifted, IQ 135. He is also lazy and gets mediocre marks. When I have talks with him about getting into a good college and getting a good job, he says things like:
How much money do you make? I will make way more.
You are only rich because dad makes a lot of money.


When I talk about him reaching his potential, he says things like:
Why didn't YOU go to medical school?
Why didn't YOU reach your potential?
Oh, wow you're a nurse, big deal.
Then he will remark that I am not gifted and he is and he is smarter than me.

This is utterly disrespectful and I'm clearly just venting. Any advice?

My advice is you give him the back of your hand.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - he is not question your profession. He is testing your place in your household.

How

[Anonymous]

Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

[Anonymous]

I can only imagine my reaction if my child spoke to me so rudely. My shock, anger, and my verbal reaction would shame my child into NEVER saying such a demeaning thing to their own mom, and any other human, again.

I think you have let this go on too long.
I think you better have his dad set him straight and you need to make your expectations for how your sons speaks to you crystal clear.

[Anonymous]

As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Bachelors degree in nursing. I work PT as an RN.

My son is 14. He is gifted, IQ 135. He is also lazy and gets mediocre marks. When I have talks with him about getting into a good college and getting a good job, he says things like:
How much money do you make? I will make way more.
You are only rich because dad makes a lot of money.


When I talk about him reaching his potential, he says things like:
Why didn't YOU go to medical school?
Why didn't YOU reach your potential?
Oh, wow you're a nurse, big deal.
Then he will remark that I am not gifted and he is and he is smarter than me.

This is utterly disrespectful and I'm clearly just venting. Any advice?

I'm a mom of four grown kids. One high schooler. Two of mine are "highly gifted", whatever that means.

My thoughts - You created this. Your son didn't turn into a little ass overnight. You had better get him under control now or you are going to be in for a miserable four + years.

If one of my kids talked to me like that, his entire would come crashing down on him like a brick house. He would have a matress and basic clothing in his room and that's it. No phone, no computer, nothing but the absolute minimum. You need to ask yourself why you would tolerate disrespect from anyone, especially a child that you provide for. Also, if one of my boys had talked to me like that. My husband would have jumped to my defense.

You raised a disrespectful brat with an over-inflated sense of self-worth. It may honestly be too late to turn this around without a lot of help.

I almost never side with the people who recommend hard line discipline approaches to teen misbehavior, but I must say I found myself nodding at some of this. I honestly shudder to think what my husband would say if he overheard our 14 year old talk to me like that. And some electronic-free time in a spartan room could be a useful way for the kid to contemplate the many ways in which his mom's efforts benefit his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

He absolutely does take things for granted. When I try to teach him about budgeting and not wasting money, he will say " we have lots of money".
Of course I teach family values. Maybe he needs to volunteer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf. Take away all privileges and stop doing things for him. If he's so smart, tell him to figure out a way to start making money now. Some very smart, enterprising 14 yr olds are able to do this.

If he is so smart, why does he get such mediocre grades? And why do you continue to pay for his private school? Don't pay for his college. Let him figure it out, if he's so smart.

I'm gonna be tough on you here -- you are a wimp, and enabling him.

And where is the father in all of this? He needs to set his son straight.

I appreciate your advice.
DH is setting him straight, that part is covered.
This is his first year of private school. I am reconsidering next year TBH. Debating pulling him out.
How am I enabling him?

Not PP but my sister and BIL struggled with somewhat similar behavior from my nephew when he was in an expensive private school when they lived overseas. He got into a very Keeping up with the Joneses mindset and everything was about money and prestige because he was around kids with tons of money and prestige. Obviously not every private school is like that and not every kid will react like that but it can be difficult for some kids to navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine my reaction if my child spoke to me so rudely. My shock, anger, and my verbal reaction would shame my child into NEVER saying such a demeaning thing to their own mom, and any other human, again.

I think you have let this go on too long.
I think you better have his dad set him straight and you need to make your expectations for how your sons speaks to you crystal clear.

Believe me there was a major anger and verbal reaction that occurred. I'm not proud of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf. Take away all privileges and stop doing things for him. If he's so smart, tell him to figure out a way to start making money now. Some very smart, enterprising 14 yr olds are able to do this.

If he is so smart, why does he get such mediocre grades? And why do you continue to pay for his private school? Don't pay for his college. Let him figure it out, if he's so smart.

I'm gonna be tough on you here -- you are a wimp, and enabling him.

And where is the father in all of this? He needs to set his son straight.

I appreciate your advice.
DH is setting him straight, that part is covered.
This is his first year of private school. I am reconsidering next year TBH. Debating pulling him out.
How am I enabling him?

By paying for his private school. Do you buy lots of things for him? Is he materially spoiled? Do you give him chores? Do you have other kids? Can you go work FT? Let him figure out life on his own. I know as a parent you don't want to wash your hands of him or let him make bad life choices, but sometimes, you just have to, and he is still young enough where he can come back from it.

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is that you're overvaluing intelligence and not valuing hard work enough. The most successful people in life are those that work HARD. Doesn't matter what your IQ is.