Teen puts down my profession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

I never ever told him the above things.
EVER

What is the benefit of being gifted if you don't accomplish things? He wonders why I am not satisfied with average marks he gets. He actually tells me I shouldn't raise my expectations of him because he is gifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is that you're overvaluing intelligence and not valuing hard work enough. The most successful people in life are those that work HARD. Doesn't matter what your IQ is.

OP here, wrong!!
I agree 100% with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

I never ever told him the above things.
EVER

What is the benefit of being gifted if you don't accomplish things? He wonders why I am not satisfied with average marks he gets. He actually tells me I shouldn't raise my expectations of him because he is gifted.

He's not gifted. High IQ really means very little in the real world.
Gifted is as gifted does. That's why FCPS has an advanced academic program. IQ score alone won't get you in, nor should it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

He absolutely does take things for granted. When I try to teach him about budgeting and not wasting money, he will say " we have lots of money".
Of course I teach family values. Maybe he needs to volunteer.

He also needs chores, back breaking, get dirty, ones, like gardening. I am the PP who stated you are enabling him, and this is why. You haven't taught him about budgeting until now? He thinks you have lots of money so he doesn't have to worry about anything. I tell my kids we have money, but that money is going for our early retirement so we don't have to depend on them when we are older, so they better get a good paying job and learn how to budget. We teach them that it is very expensive to live the way we do. They get a small allowance, and they have been taught to budget and save.

He does sound spoiled, and whose fault is that? As a pp stated, he didn't turn this way overnight. You need to be tougher.

[Anonymous]

Meh. The kid has ambition. This is good. Encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

I never ever told him the above things.
EVER

What is the benefit of being gifted if you don't accomplish things? He wonders why I am not satisfied with average marks he gets. He actually tells me I shouldn't raise my expectations of him because he is gifted.

You've probably done it without realizing. The fact that he's gifted And his IQ have nothing to do with what he said. Kids that aren't gifted act like that too. The fact that you had to bring up both facts makes me wonder how much you say to him without realizing it. But sure, go on thinking that you had no hand in why your kid is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf. Take away all privileges and stop doing things for him. If he's so smart, tell him to figure out a way to start making money now. Some very smart, enterprising 14 yr olds are able to do this.

If he is so smart, why does he get such mediocre grades? And why do you continue to pay for his private school? Don't pay for his college. Let him figure it out, if he's so smart.

I'm gonna be tough on you here -- you are a wimp, and enabling him.

And where is the father in all of this? He needs to set his son straight.

I appreciate your advice.
DH is setting him straight, that part is covered.
This is his first year of private school. I am reconsidering next year TBH. Debating pulling him out.
How am I enabling him?

By paying for his private school. Do you buy lots of things for him? Is he materially spoiled? Do you give him chores? Do you have other kids? Can you go work FT? Let him figure out life on his own. I know as a parent you don't want to wash your hands of him or let him make bad life choices, but sometimes, you just have to, and he is still young enough where he can come back from it.

No, I don't buy a lot of things for him, he doesn't ask for much either.
He has his own phone and computer but that's all.
I can go FT but due to picking him up from school, I work PT. I will be honest, I enjoy a flexible PT schedule.
I have another 16 year old.
Chores: dishes, laundry etc -- yes he does chores. Though he complains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

I never ever told him the above things.
EVER

What is the benefit of being gifted if you don't accomplish things? He wonders why I am not satisfied with average marks he gets. He actually tells me I shouldn't raise my expectations of him because he is gifted.

He's not gifted. High IQ really means very little in the real world.
Gifted is as gifted does. That's why FCPS has an advanced academic program. IQ score alone won't get you in, nor should it.

He is actually gifted according to the IQ testing.

[Anonymous]

Is there something wrong with screaming at him and grounding him for being disrespectful? I know now it's all about the child's feelings and self esteem or whatever, but that's how my old school parents handled this type of teen attitude.

Let it be known that he is only in private school bc of you and your lowly paycheck and you are going to reconsider it for next yr.

I wouldn't be surprised if the private school has something to do with this btw. Typically there is a lot of talk re what everyone's parents do, money, what professions do or don't make money etc. It's likely there are kids at school saying things about nursing being only for those who couldn't get into med school etc.

[Anonymous]

God OP, every time you post it becomes more and more obvious how you created this monster. My 5 year old has a concept of money even though we have plenty. I find it so sad when parents are so blind that they can't see the monsters they are creating until it's too late

[Anonymous]

Treating your parents like crap is an age old tradition. He probably tells your DH he's old and slow. He'll grow out if it - hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op how do you all talk about and teach family values? Have you talked about and incorporated gratitude? He just seems to take everything for granted, honestly.

He absolutely does take things for granted. When I try to teach him about budgeting and not wasting money, he will say " we have lots of money".
Of course I teach family values. Maybe he needs to volunteer.

He also needs chores, back breaking, get dirty, ones, like gardening. I am the PP who stated you are enabling him, and this is why. You haven't taught him about budgeting until now? He thinks you have lots of money so he doesn't have to worry about anything. I tell my kids we have money, but that money is going for our early retirement so we don't have to depend on them when we are older, so they better get a good paying job and learn how to budget. We teach them that it is very expensive to live the way we do. They get a small allowance, and they have been taught to budget and save.

He does sound spoiled, and whose fault is that? As a pp stated, he didn't turn this way overnight. You need to be tougher.

I have always taught budgeting, he says that when he wants things his way.
Yes, he is spoiled and that is obviously our fault. What can I do NOW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there something wrong with screaming at him and grounding him for being disrespectful? I know now it's all about the child's feelings and self esteem or whatever, but that's how my old school parents handled this type of teen attitude.

Let it be known that he is only in private school bc of you and your lowly paycheck and you are going to reconsider it for next yr.

I wouldn't be surprised if the private school has something to do with this btw. Typically there is a lot of talk re what everyone's parents do, money, what professions do or don't make money etc. It's likely there are kids at school saying things about nursing being only for those who couldn't get into med school etc.

I have done exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Too late now but I would have just laughed at him. Said something about how a high IQ apparently doesn't help him make the age-old teen mistake of thinking he knows it all. Silly little boy.

Then stop helping him with all but essentials. No extracurriculars, cash, whatever. Tell him you are spending your time now on yourself, to reach your "full potential." And just chuckle at him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As another poster said, you've likely had a hand in creating your brat. I'm guessing all his life he's been told how gifted he was, how special, etc. My mom did that to me and I was a complete bitch until my soph year in college when I matured. Congrats OP

I never ever told him the above things.
EVER

What is the benefit of being gifted if you don't accomplish things? He wonders why I am not satisfied with average marks he gets. He actually tells me I shouldn't raise my expectations of him because he is gifted.

He's not gifted. High IQ really means very little in the real world.
Gifted is as gifted does. That's why FCPS has an advanced academic program. IQ score alone won't get you in, nor should it.

He is actually gifted according to the IQ testing.

deemed "gifted" by whom? All I see here is a high IQ -- which isn't translating into academic performance