Son won't talk to me after affair

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine cutting off a parent for an affair. That said, I am adult and understand that parents are people and not a 16 yo.

OP seems to be the kind of person (I read the other thread too) who fucks up and kinda just wants to say sorry and move on and when the aggrieved party doesn't accept that or aren't ready to move on, HE feels aggrieved. I mean, he said he was sorry, right?

Anyway, adult actions have adult consequences and these are the consequences of your actions. You can continue playing the put upon victim with your wife and son -- I SAID I WAS SORRY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!! -- or you can humble yourself and get to work repairing the damage you have done to your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

Your words are meaningless. You need to communicate your love through your actions and treatment of her and your other family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine cutting off a parent for an affair. That said, I am adult and understand that parents are people and not a 16 yo.

OP seems to be the kind of person (I read the other thread too) who fucks up and kinda just wants to say sorry and move on and when the aggrieved party doesn't accept that or aren't ready to move on, HE feels aggrieved. I mean, he said he was sorry, right?

Anyway, adult actions have adult consequences and these are the consequences of your actions. You can continue playing the put upon victim with your wife and son -- I SAID I WAS SORRY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!! -- or you can humble yourself and get to work repairing the damage you have done to your family.

I can understand it. An affair is something you inflict on your whole family, which includes the powerless kids. Once a kid leaves home, the affair isn't about them. I fully understand that "parents are people" but we have obligations to our children to maintain a healthy environment for them. Kids flip out because the affair ruins their home life and a) they are powerless and b) the "wandering parent" often doesn't get that it is about the explosion at home that they caused, but think it is just about "adult stuff." They don't flip out because of the immmorality of infidelity. Lived through it.

My dad had a thousand ways to get out of his marriage without making our home a battle ground and ruining every family event for the next bunch of years.

If you want out of a marriage, get out, but in the meanwhile, keep your willy in your pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

yet you think it is on your kid to be the man about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

Spending more quality time at home, counseling, home for family dinner every night, given up working late hours, being present more. That's what she wants and what I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

Spending more quality time at home, counseling, home for family dinner every night, given up working late hours, being present more. That's what she wants and what I'm doing.

But you refuse to change jobs.

You aren't making real sacrifices. Just doing the things that you are willing to do, and think are appropriate.

Selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

Spending more quality time at home, counseling, home for family dinner every night, given up working late hours, being present more. That's what she wants and what I'm doing.

But you won't change jobs so that you're not in close proximity to your AP every day. You're only making the changes that are easy and comfortable for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

Spending more quality time at home, counseling, home for family dinner every night, given up working late hours, being present more. That's what she wants and what I'm doing.

That is for your family, what have you done for your relationship with your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

I'm sure she wants to be able to forgive you and restore your marriage and her feelings for you. But it's not that easy.

[Anonymous]

I see you're ignoring the uncomfortable questions again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

Because I love my wife.

What are you willing to do to earn her love?

I've done several things in attempt to earn back her love and restore our marriage. I just think at some point some forgiveness should be issued. Sleeping in separate bedrooms and driving in different cars for a year is not helping our situation.

Like what?

Spending more quality time at home, counseling, home for family dinner every night, given up working late hours, being present more. That's what she wants and what I'm doing.

That is for your family, what have you done for your relationship with your wife?

You need to say and do things that show your wife that you love her. Do more than what she's asking for.
It could also help you relationship with your son if you find ways to show your kids that you love your wife.