Son won't talk to me after affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.

what if your kids cheat on their spouse, are you cutting them out of your life? I can't imagine being so cold for so long. Everything about a person is summed up in this one act? I'm not a cheater, btw and if it turns out my husband is (I don't think so but you never truly know) I would want him to have a relationship with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?

Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.

Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?

You can't just say sorry and wait, you have to make it up to him.

He can't make it up to him. That's what OP and those who have behaved liked he has need to understand.

In all likelihood OP's son will come around and they will have a relationship even a good one, but this will never be undone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.

what if your kids cheat on their spouse, are you cutting them out of your life? I can't imagine being so cold for so long. Everything about a person is summed up in this one act? I'm not a cheater, btw and if it turns out my husband is (I don't think so but you never truly know) I would want him to have a relationship with the kids.

Not PP, but I have a pretty hard line against cheaters or those participating in affairs as non married APs for similar reasons as PP, I'm not at the point of cutting people off but I can understand why someone might. Unless you've been there you really can't understand.

[Anonymous]

I'd hate you pretty much forever, OP, if I were your kid, fair or not. You sound like a baby, whining that your kid isn't over it already. It's 100% your fault. I'm not sure how you would expect your son to react...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe his wife has a limit to the amount of shit she's willing to swallow in the name of fixing his mistake for him. And using your kid as a tool to try to save your marriage? Gross.

Yeah! Don't bother fixing your marriage for the kids! I mean do you owe them anything more than food and shelter?

[Anonymous]

This is the same poster from the other thread. He picks and chooses the questions he wants to answer and then he is very vague. In the last thread about his wife wanting to move he didn't even say up front that he had an affair or that he still works with the other women. Op maybe if your son saw that you actually still cared about his mother he would act a little better. This is going to follow you for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.

what if your kids cheat on their spouse, are you cutting them out of your life? I can't imagine being so cold for so long. Everything about a person is summed up in this one act? I'm not a cheater, btw and if it turns out my husband is (I don't think so but you never truly know) I would want him to have a relationship with the kids.

Not PP, but I have a pretty hard line against cheaters or those participating in affairs as non married APs for similar reasons as PP, I'm not at the point of cutting people off but I can understand why someone might. Unless you've been there you really can't understand.

It is very possible to go through this and not be so consumed with anger and bitterness decades later.

[Anonymous]

When a parent cheats it rocks the child to his core. His other parent has been hurt deeply, and what kid wants that? It also shatters the child's idea of family. Perhaps irreversibly.

I think the only shot you have is living the most morally upright life you can. Show integrity. And I wonder if that's happening if you are still arguing with your wife.

[Anonymous]

Karma is a bitch. I can't say too many people bad for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's time for you to reflect and practice empathy and humility. Your ego is keeping you from really understanding the havoc your choices have wreaked on your whole family. Take responsibility and humble yourself. Realize what a flawed and disappointing person you are. Then perhaps you can improve and redeem yourself in the eyes of your family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe his wife has a limit to the amount of shit she's willing to swallow in the name of fixing his mistake for him. And using your kid as a tool to try to save your marriage? Gross.

Yeah! Don't bother fixing your marriage for the kids! I mean do you owe them anything more than food and shelter?

Cute how you cut out what I was responding to when you posted. The post I responded to didn't say that the wife should work in the marriage for the sake of he kids, it said that OP's wife should talk to the son on OP's behalf and try to fix things to show OP that she was committed to fixing the marriage. That is so upside down and backwards I don't understand how anyone thinks that's the appropriate response to the situation. Makes me wonder if OP is sockpuppeting a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?

Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.

Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?

You can't just say sorry and wait, you have to make it up to him.

OP can't make it up to him. There's nothing OP can do that will make his son okay with the fact that OP had a prolonged affair. The only thing OP can do at this point is to try to prove his remorse through action. OP needs to throw himself wholeheartedly into fixing his marriage. Even if the marriage can't be saved, the gesture of good faith would probably go a long way toward repairing his relationship with his son.

Unfortunately for OP's son, though, OP has no intention of doing that. Based on OP's other thread, it's clear OP isn't doing any hard work to fix the marriage, he won't even get a new job to get away from his AP, he just wants everyone to forget it happened and move on without inconveniencing him. I suspect OP's son knows exactly what his father is all about, and that's why he's taking such a hard line on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe his wife has a limit to the amount of shit she's willing to swallow in the name of fixing his mistake for him. And using your kid as a tool to try to save your marriage? Gross.

Yeah! Don't bother fixing your marriage for the kids! I mean do you owe them anything more than food and shelter?

Cute how you cut out what I was responding to when you posted. The post I responded to didn't say that the wife should work in the marriage for the sake of he kids, it said that OP's wife should talk to the son on OP's behalf and try to fix things to show OP that she was committed to fixing the marriage. That is so upside down and backwards I don't understand how anyone thinks that's the appropriate response to the situation. Makes me wonder if OP is sockpuppeting a bit.

The OP asked how he could fix it. That was a suggestion. Clearly the wife is trying to salvage something since she found out a year ago and is still there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe his wife has a limit to the amount of shit she's willing to swallow in the name of fixing his mistake for him. And using your kid as a tool to try to save your marriage? Gross.

Yeah! Don't bother fixing your marriage for the kids! I mean do you owe them anything more than food and shelter?

Cute how you cut out what I was responding to when you posted. The post I responded to didn't say that the wife should work in the marriage for the sake of he kids, it said that OP's wife should talk to the son on OP's behalf and try to fix things to show OP that she was committed to fixing the marriage. That is so upside down and backwards I don't understand how anyone thinks that's the appropriate response to the situation. Makes me wonder if OP is sockpuppeting a bit.

The OP asked how he could fix it. That was a suggestion. Clearly the wife is trying to salvage something since she found out a year ago and is still there.

Given that just last month OP made his wife choose between their marriage and a terrific job opportunity because he didn't feel he should have to make any sacrifices for her or their marriage, I suspect she's not really too thrilled with him right now. Wouldn't surprise me if that was the source of the fight that OP's son heard.

And really, asking the wronged spouse to make everything smooth and easy for the cheater because the consequences of his affair just aren't fun? That's just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.

what if your kids cheat on their spouse, are you cutting them out of your life? I can't imagine being so cold for so long. Everything about a person is summed up in this one act? I'm not a cheater, btw and if it turns out my husband is (I don't think so but you never truly know) I would want him to have a relationship with the kids.

It's not 1 act, it's many small acts adding up. Cheaters don't just cheat send come home like dad of the year.

They take time, money and energy from the family. They compare their fake "affair" life to their life at home. They become short tempered, irrational and mean. A lot of emotional damage is done to the family.

When it is finally revealed a light bulb goes off in the chested on (son's) head... Oh that why you are duck a dick.