Son won't talk to me after affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your fault, so....

I feel horrible for your poor kids. Some people don't deserve the privilege of having a family.

Oh please, get over yourself. Not condoning, but everyone makes mistakes. A marriage, also takes two.

Yes, a marriage takes two. That would be two people who are committed to one another.

which doesn't preclude divorce. but the committment is to work at it and behave decently to the end. An affair breaks that rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What did you and your wife finally decide? I presume she's had to give a decision by now. If you didn't move, how does she feel about that? Is that what you were fighting about when your son overheard you?

Why did you have the other thread deleted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What does your counselor think about the fact that you won't change job to get away from your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

Well, you claimed your main concern about the move was your 16yo. Now that your 16yo has more context, what does he think about the move?

[Anonymous]

He's angry (and he has every right to be). You need to give him some time, and maybe some family therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

Why do you want to stay married?

[Anonymous]

The best way to improve the situation with your son is to improve the situation with your wife.
As long as your son feels the tension in the house and understands that your wife is upset, it will be hard for him to get over what you did.
You need to give your wife any help she needs to recover from your affair. The longer you delay, the worse the entire situation gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What does your counselor think about the fact that you won't change job to get away from your AP?

Well, obviously it's viewed as a problem but what people fail to understand is that I don't work with this woman directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What does your counselor think about the fact that you won't change job to get away from your AP?

Well, obviously it's viewed as a problem but what people fail to understand is that I don't work with this woman directly.

It's not about whether you work with her directly. It's that you're still working in the place where the affair happened, where you have ready access to her if you had yet another moment of weakness, where you could run into her on any given day. After all, you didn't have to work with her directly for the affair to happen in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

You have not right to say this. Any of it. It has nothing to do with growing up. Trust has been broken. The man lied to his family. Put his entire family in jeopardy. I think it's a cut off offense, absolutely. You may feel different but you have no right to dictate how someone else responds to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What does your counselor think about the fact that you won't change job to get away from your AP?

Well, obviously it's viewed as a problem but what people fail to understand is that I don't work with this woman directly.

It's not about whether you work with her directly. It's that you're still working in the place where the affair happened, where you have ready access to her if you had yet another moment of weakness, where you could run into her on any given day. After all, you didn't have to work with her directly for the affair to happen in the first place.

I was working with her directly on a case when the affair began.

[Anonymous]

My late mother told us that my father had cheated on her. Obviously it is not necessarily someting to share with the kids, particularly of you stayed married which they did. We never told him we knew. But I never put my father on a pedastal.

I do think people who said thry cut their parent off completely for cheating are a bit harsh though. Although I would not tolerate that kind of bulls hit my mom's experience is also what motivated me to be financially independent. I was determined to be able to raise a family on my income.

I didn't read the other thread but based on the synopsis someone provided. It sounds like op is a bit of a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My late mother told us that my father had cheated on her. Obviously it is not necessarily someting to share with the kids, particularly of you stayed married which they did. We never told him we knew. But I never put my father on a pedastal.

I do think people who said thry cut their parent off completely for cheating are a bit harsh though. Although I would not tolerate that kind of bulls hit my mom's experience is also what motivated me to be financially independent. I was determined to be able to raise a family on my income.

I didn't read the other thread but based on the synopsis someone provided. It sounds like op is a bit of a dick.

Please forgive the typos
Typing this on my phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.

What does your counselor think about the fact that you won't change job to get away from your AP?

Well, obviously it's viewed as a problem but what people fail to understand is that I don't work with this woman directly.

It's not about whether you work with her directly. It's that you're still working in the place where the affair happened, where you have ready access to her if you had yet another moment of weakness, where you could run into her on any given day. After all, you didn't have to work with her directly for the affair to happen in the first place.

I was working with her directly on a case when the affair began.

Doesn't really matter. I hope you're not this obtuse in your legal work.

[Anonymous]

OP - Did you discuss this with your wife? She probably knows your son best. Does she have any suggestions?