Son won't talk to me after affair

[Anonymous]

^^^ such not duck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?

Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.

Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?

You can't just say sorry and wait, you have to make it up to him.

OP can't make it up to him. There's nothing OP can do that will make his son okay with the fact that OP had a prolonged affair. The only thing OP can do at this point is to try to prove his remorse through action. OP needs to throw himself wholeheartedly into fixing his marriage. Even if the marriage can't be saved, the gesture of good faith would probably go a long way toward repairing his relationship with his son.

Unfortunately for OP's son, though, OP has no intention of doing that. Based on OP's other thread, it's clear OP isn't doing any hard work to fix the marriage, he won't even get a new job to get away from his AP, he just wants everyone to forget it happened and move on without inconveniencing him. I suspect OP's son knows exactly what his father is all about, and that's why he's taking such a hard line on this.

I agree that if OP and his wife are arguing 1 year later and he is still working with the OW he is not doings east he needs to "fix the marriage".

He can... Get therapy... Individual... When I see a Chester is only in marriage counseling it is obvious he blames his wife and the marriage for his affair, which makes him an ass.

I disagree he can make it better (as applied to "just saying sorry"),,, he needs therapy, individual outings, treat the wife better, be generally a better person to be around, stop being selfish, etc.... When his son sees a transformation in his personality and a happy mom... He will make it up to him. Also the boy should go to family therapy. Also he should no have to keep a family secret, if there are other kids they need to be told, so the 16 yo has a support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?

By betraying your wife, you betrayed the family.

Having affairs is an immature "coping" mechanism. a total cop out

You should have been a man and done right by your family. Separate. Get a divorce.

I'd hate you, too.

[Anonymous]

Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your fault, so....

I feel horrible for your poor kids. Some people don't deserve the privilege of having a family.

Oh please, get over yourself. Not condoning, but everyone makes mistakes. A marriage, also takes two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your fault, so....

I feel horrible for your poor kids. Some people don't deserve the privilege of having a family.

Oh please, get over yourself. Not condoning, but everyone makes mistakes. A marriage, also takes two.

Bullshit.

OP You should seriously consider getting off DCUM where you seem to spend every waking hour discussing things which should be discussed with your family members, not a bunch of strangers, freaks and weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.

Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.

I disagree and think pp.here is probably the only healthy adult. Carrying grudges only hurts you. Period. I've lived it too. My parent is flawed, in some ways deeply, but also not a cartoon villain that is so easy to cut out of my life. I didn't need extensive counseling to get there either. I'd wager that those who are so vehement on this thread have other personal issues they bring to their effed up relationships beside having a cheating parent, but it's much easier to just blame that on the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your fault, so....

I feel horrible for your poor kids. Some people don't deserve the privilege of having a family.

Oh please, get over yourself. Not condoning, but everyone makes mistakes. A marriage, also takes two.

Yes, a marriage takes two. That would be two people who are committed to one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

OP had it deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

OP had it deleted.

If you want to read it, google "Wife wants to move for new job," make sure you expand the search to include all, and then you can view the cached versions of the pages.

[Anonymous]

My dad did that -- had an affair that tore apart my family

I was really really pissed at his selfishness (he did his thinking with his little head, and didn't use his big head to think about his children and you are supposed to put your kids first)

I still am, although I get why my parents aren't married.

You did something really awful and now you have to man up and act like a father. In other words, suck it up until he is ready and don't make his mom's life any harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread everyone is referring to? I've searched but can't find it.

I can't find it either. It went on for 30+ pages. Basically, in his first post, the OP said that his wife was offered a really amazing job with a mentor in California, but that he did not want to move because they lived in their "forever house" and his kids have activities that are important to them. His oldest child is 16 and on student government. What the OP failed to mention for several pages was that he had an affair with a coworker and that he still works with his AP and will not consider looking for a new job. He is in counseling but he doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously and seems to believe that apologizing and admitting that he was wrong should fix the situation. He also made some mean-spirited side remarks about his wife ("can't lose what you never had" in reference to her career) and suggested that she would be punishing him for the rest of his life for a one-time mistake. He also picks and chooses which questions to answer, giving very little detail and ignoring everything that doesn't confirm his worldview.

What questions do you have that I failed to answer because they were outside my "worldview"?

I don't that it was outside your "worldview," but you definitely were selective in answering questions. Off the top of my head, I remember you ignoring the repeated question of whether you'd discussed the job offer in your marriage counseling, and what your counselor had to say about it.

It was brought up during several counseling sessions and is an issue in which we still argue about. Our counselor wants me to explore the idea more instead of being completely closed to it but also recognizes that we shouldn't move our struggling family to a new place with no support system.