Daughter got in a fight at school - how to help her defend herself next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have "lots of extra money" since I'm just a public school teacher, but hey, it's your kid. I just don't ever want to tell my child that I could have tried something else to keep you safe, but I didn't want to lose any money.

Or, more accurately, "I could have tried something that probably wouldn't have worked, and would certainly have had a major effect on the whole family's financial security, but I decided instead to try something that had a greater chance of success."

Like I said, it's your kid. People are allowed to have different priorities.

How sweet of you to imply that, unless OP is willing to throw away large sums of money on something that won't (according to you) work anyway, OP's child is not OP's priority.

I'm actually not implying that all. I mean what I said about people having different priorities. Perhaps OP's priority for her DD is to be able to use the equity in the house to pay for college some day. Or maybe her priority for her DD is to grow up in a SFH with her own bedroom and a large yard. I don't know and it actually isn't a value judgement to say people are allowed to have different priorities. I'd prioritize my kid's mental health and physical safety over any financial benefit of staying in the house, but some people would argue that's hurting the child down the road if they had to take out college loans or live in an apartment. People do have different priorities when it comes to their kids. Breast vs bottle. Public vs private. We can express that we'd do things differently without it being a blanket statement about how the other person feels about their child.

[Anonymous]

I would ABSOLUTELY file charges. No question. I'd document to the school. AND would enroll her in a boxing/self-defense class.

Your DD has a right to feel safe at school and isn't getting that. Protect her. Screw the bully.

[Anonymous]

I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

NP. This reminds me. There was this boy who was once teasing my DD on the bus. Just kind of ragging on her and being mean. So I told my two older sons about it. I didn't give my express permission or anything but I knew what they would do. They went together to pay him a visit. I don't know what exactly they said to him but he never looked at her sideways again. Sometimes it pays to take care of business the old fashioned way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My daughter doesn't want to fight. She just wants to be left alone and we are trying to figure out why she is being targeted. FWIW, she isn't the only one who is being picked on. There are other kids who are being teased, shoved, etc. but so far, just my kid reached the fight stage. Neither of us thinks that fighting will ultimately solve the problem - the instigators come from rough environments and they will not handle being beaten by someone like my kid very well. It could get real ugly. I did contact the school today via email but have not heard back yet. And, my daughter laid low and managed to avoid any issues today.

I am actually feeling a little bit of hope with a close-by religious school. The cost is reasonable and they offer financial aid. I still think it is very unfair that it is us that have to leave and not the instigators so I will have to see what the principal says in terms of offering protection. Thanks everyone.

Oh I hope that new school works out for you!! That sounds ideal. Fighting back is a good lesson but a lot of kids just aren't inclined to fight back and even if they do, it's still an awful thing to deal every day. Fingers crossed for you guys!! If this religious school doesn't work, explore other schools/financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

NP. This reminds me. There was this boy who was once teasing my DD on the bus. Just kind of ragging on her and being mean. So I told my two older sons about it. I didn't give my express permission or anything but I knew what they would do. They went together to pay him a visit. I don't know what exactly they said to him but he never looked at her sideways again. Sometimes it pays to take care of business the old fashioned way.

Great. So you taught your daughter that she can't take care of yourself, and gave implicit permission to your sons to do something to a kid that did nothing. And you sound please with yourself.

You suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

yep

Or the next time, two kids jump you at the same time. Happened to my cousin. She has the scars 30 years later.

[Anonymous]

I'll tell you my dh's experience. He was going to a public school in Michigan, and he was bullied a lot. He was frequently beat up after school. Then his dad got a transfer at work to SF. He had a glorious year in SF and even got to drive dad's rental car (a porsche) to school pretty often. After the year, his dad got transferred back. On the first day at school, the bully from the past came up to taunt him. My dh got so mad that he kicked the guy's butt. Then he went home and told his mom he was dropping out of school. This was his junior year in HS.

Somehow, they worked it out that dh would go to a Catholic school instead of public school. My dh had a great experience at the Catholic school and continued to graduate high school on time. He never stepped another foot back into that public school. He said the Catholic school experience was better in so many ways - cleaner, nicer facilities, no bullies. He got bored in Church and religious class, but those were small prices to pay for all of the benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

NP. This reminds me. There was this boy who was once teasing my DD on the bus. Just kind of ragging on her and being mean. So I told my two older sons about it. I didn't give my express permission or anything but I knew what they would do. They went together to pay him a visit. I don't know what exactly they said to him but he never looked at her sideways again. Sometimes it pays to take care of business the old fashioned way.

Ah yes, the good old-fashioned way, where a girl's brothers are in charge of how boys/men talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

That was not my experience. After fighting one kid, I got jumped by two.

[Anonymous]

This thread is reminding me of W H Auden:

“I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told mine that they have my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who attacks first. You defend yourself properly once and you never have to do it again.

NP. This reminds me. There was this boy who was once teasing my DD on the bus. Just kind of ragging on her and being mean. So I told my two older sons about it. I didn't give my express permission or anything but I knew what they would do. They went together to pay him a visit. I don't know what exactly they said to him but he never looked at her sideways again. Sometimes it pays to take care of business the old fashioned way.

Ah yes, the good old-fashioned way, where a girl's brothers are in charge of how boys/men talk to her.

"'Twas ever so, 'twill ever be"

Not really but damned if I'm not going to use every quiver in my arsenal. A girl with two older brothers and one younger? Better watch your backs, punks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you trying to find her a new school? Why would you keep her at a school where she is being physically attacked?

+10000!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you trying to find her a new school? Why would you keep her at a school where she is being physically attacked?

+10000!!!!!

Sounds like the house is upside down.