Daughter got in a fight at school - how to help her defend herself next time?

[Anonymous]

You need to demand that the school come up with a plan to prevent bullying from happening.
Document, document, document!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No need for elaborate self-defense lessons in most cases. For bullies, a quick straight punch right on the nose will generally deter them from future aggression. The question is less one of technique than will.

Also, in this kind of situation, it matters less how well she fights, what is important is *that* she will *really* fight. You say she tried to, but my guess is she didn't really, and needs both permission and encouragement to fight back if attacked.

How do I get her to have the will? She doesn't want to hurt anyone and is very self conscious.

She gets the will from not wanting to be humiliated anymore. From having an it's them or it's me mentality. If your DH knows how I'm sure he could teach her how to fight. If she does it well enough one time it may be enough to abate the bullying as she will no longer be super easy prey.

[Anonymous]

Definitely keep researching a good self defense class. Maybe there's a 3-week quick and dirty course you can do in addition.

Also, tell your daughter to fight back. Grab the hair and bang the face on anything. Rip her earrings out. Punch the throat. Do whatever. If somebody is kicking her ass she can defend herself. Look, this happened to me in middle school and the girls were huge I was a pussy but, I whipped their asses.

Finally, you could file charges against the girl. Or EXPLORE that - maybe that would get the girl transferred to the Juvie school I am guessing they do that in moco isn't that what mark twain program is? If the girl continues bullying you could sue civil and then maybe that would cause the parents to tell her to back off. Just some thoughts.

[Anonymous]

What school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No need for elaborate self-defense lessons in most cases. For bullies, a quick straight punch right on the nose will generally deter them from future aggression. The question is less one of technique than will.

Also, in this kind of situation, it matters less how well she fights, what is important is *that* she will *really* fight. You say she tried to, but my guess is she didn't really, and needs both permission and encouragement to fight back if attacked.

How do I get her to have the will? She doesn't want to hurt anyone and is very self conscious.

Xanax. (can kids take it?)

Your kid has too much anxiety so no matter what you tell her or teach her, it won't matter in the moment because she is overwhelmed with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the teacher who recommended that you dog the school & insist that they protect your kid. We did this twice. In one case, the offending child was assigned a monitor and not allowed to go anywhere alone & not allowed to go near my child. In the second case, the offender was expelled.

At the same time, enroll your kid in a martial art. Any kind that does sparring. It just gets you used to hitting and being hit so that you are no longer afraid. Overcoming any fear is enormously empowering.

[Anonymous]

I I have no idea but I'm so sorry. I feel so bad for your daughter. I can't imagine what she is going through.

[Anonymous]

Yep, cosa-- change of school assignment. This is exactly the kind of situation when it is done. You lose your transportation though.

[Anonymous]

At the same time, enroll your kid in a martial art. Any kind that does sparring. It just gets you used to hitting and being hit so that you are no longer afraid. Overcoming any fear is enormously empowering.

This. This is going to sound shitty but your your DD needs to get used to being hit and hitting back. You need to be able to see the hit coming so you can reposition - take it where it will do minimal damage (a direct hit on the nose will stop most people) and then be able to quickly hit back. I speak from experience when I say that the shock of being hit usually isn't from the physical impact, it's the mental shock. The emotional pain is far greater and longer lasting than the physical pain. As the PP says, overcoming any fear is enormously empowering.

(and I'm very sorry your DD is going through this.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe Krav Maga? And please get a change of school assignment.

[Anonymous]

What is the great school's rating of the school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in middle school. She is a sensitive kid and not physical at all. I was worried when she started at this school since it is known for kids with bad behavior. I told her to ignore and stay away from the troublemakers. Well, they found the weak one and started picking on her. We notified the school right away when we realized that it was getting out of hand. Not soon after, the tormenting went from emotional to physical. A girl attacked her, my daughter fell to the ground and started crying and that was basically it. She wasn't really hurt except her ego is very bruised and she feels humiliated. She tried to fight back but she was overpowered.

We are dealing with the school on next steps but I am sure it will happen again. i want her to be ready. Is karate the answer? I took karate when I was young and it certainly didn't help me defend myself. Is there another type of self defense class that will help her build her confidence and allow her to protect herself?

She can't practice with sibling due to special needs and I personally am not a fan of violence - but she really needs to get tougher.

We are in montgomery county - any suggestions on classes would be appreciated.

Boxing, don't waste your time with tae kwon do. Boxing is faster and more effective. I've done both for years. Tell her that when she gets hit to scream loudly "don't touch me again!!!" so that everyone around them hears it. Because if she is defending herself it will be a lot better when she and her attacker face the principal. Next time she gets pushed tell the principal this is assault and that you will be filing charges. Your want to be able to show all the previous transgressions so you need to communicate everything (harassment also) to the school via written form. I'm sorry OP, this is horrible, my worst nightmare for my shy, quiet kids. You are their advocate. Make a big fuss about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

Yes, yes you can. Keep documenting the bullying, please. All in emails, so there is a record. After a certain numbers of incidents you should be able to request that the school is not protecting your child and you need to switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

Yes, yes you can. Keep documenting the bullying, please. All in emails, so there is a record. After a certain numbers of incidents you should be able to request that the school is not protecting your child and you need to switch.

Also after the second email, cc his boss and the school board member.

[Anonymous]

Let your lawyer do your fighting.