Daughter got in a fight at school - how to help her defend herself next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

I teach for MCPS. Here is the bullying form http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/forms/pdf/230-35.pdf. I'm at a W-feeder midle school and we fill them out all the time. Like weekly. Mostly for girls and cyber-bullying. In your case, submit for every incident your DD can recall, not just the fight. Send a google calendar item to the principal's mcpsmd.net address to follow up in 48 hours to discuss a COSA.

Good luck.

This is the advice to follow. Submit the form for every incident, then follow up, follow up, follow up, follow up.

[Anonymous]

Find out how she can move the another public school or find her a private school, and do it now. She isn't going to suddenly know how to defend herself from taking a class, that's crazy, this isn't the Karate Kid.

If she was physically hurt then I'm sure she's being verbally abused all the time at school. Just change schools!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find out how she can move the another public school or find her a private school, and do it now. She isn't going to suddenly know how to defend herself from taking a class, that's crazy, this isn't the Karate Kid.

If she was physically hurt then I'm sure she's being verbally abused all the time at school. Just change schools!

Agree 100%. This is NOT common (if she isn't an instigator) and it isn't normal. She shouldn't need self defense courses to take care of herself for next time this happens (?!) She should be moved to a better school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find out how she can move the another public school or find her a private school, and do it now. She isn't going to suddenly know how to defend herself from taking a class, that's crazy, this isn't the Karate Kid.

If she was physically hurt then I'm sure she's being verbally abused all the time at school. Just change schools!

I'm pretty sure that there is also bullying at any other school she would go to.

[Anonymous]

Keep reporting the problem at current school and see if she could be moved to another school - maybe even financial aid at a private. Why should she have to become a fighter when she's a nice kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find out how she can move the another public school or find her a private school, and do it now. She isn't going to suddenly know how to defend herself from taking a class, that's crazy, this isn't the Karate Kid.

If she was physically hurt then I'm sure she's being verbally abused all the time at school. Just change schools!

Agree 100%. This is NOT common (if she isn't an instigator) and it isn't normal. She shouldn't need self defense courses to take care of herself for next time this happens (?!) She should be moved to a better school.

+1. CHANGE SCHOOLS. Stop thinking it's impossible and start searching for ways it is possible. I have a sensitive kid. No way would she just pop someone out of anger! that is so unrealistic. I feel so bad for your girl (and you, I know it's a hard thing for a mom to deal with)

[Anonymous]

There are women's self defense courses in Montgomery County. Here's one, although the date was last summer. It may be worth a call to the organization to see if there are new ones, or any recommendations for other places/courses.

http://www.bartmanmma.com/womens-self-defense-workshop

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the advice. I honestly didn't think moving her to a new school was even an option. She currently goes to Briggs Chaney middle school and there are a lot of kids from a low income housing development that are bussed there. Some of these kids (not all) have behavioral issues and I have to say, a lot of the teachers don't know how to handle them. It is sad that my daughter has to change schools and if it pans out then I would be responsible for transporting her to and from the school despite working full time with an hour commute each way. I wish there was a school where these kids can go to get the attention and help they need!

I have documented the instances of abuse and will get the ball rolling. Definitely can't afford private and for the poster that told me to get my lawyer involved...trust me, I don't have a lawyer on stand-by

a lot of what everyone said is right - she is not used to fighting and hitting - I don't allow it at home and i think a lot of her fear is just not knowing what to do. I desperately want her to boost her confidence especially since bullying can happen anywhere. A couple of links provided catered to adults so I need to find a place for kids, but I don't want a place that "goes thru the motions" and collects a payment. I need a place that teaches real self defense. Thanks again for your help/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the advice. I honestly didn't think moving her to a new school was even an option. She currently goes to Briggs Chaney middle school and there are a lot of kids from a low income housing development that are bussed there. Some of these kids (not all) have behavioral issues and I have to say, a lot of the teachers don't know how to handle them. It is sad that my daughter has to change schools and if it pans out then I would be responsible for transporting her to and from the school despite working full time with an hour commute each way. I wish there was a school where these kids can go to get the attention and help they need!

Are the kids who are bullying your daughter actually from this "low income housing development"? How do you know? (Also, does your daughter take the bus to school?)

At Briggs Chaney MS, there were 4 reported bullying incidents in 2014-2015 (875 students enrolled).

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/regulatoryaccountability/SafetyGlance/currentyear/schools/03335.pdf

At Rosa Parks MS, there were 9 reported bullying incidents in 2014-2015 (879 students enrolled).

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/regulatoryaccountability/SafetyGlance/currentyear/schools/03155.pdf

So it doesn't seem likely to me that switching schools will solve the problem. She needs to learn how to defend herself against bullying (and I don't mean with aikido, either).

[Anonymous]

+1. CHANGE SCHOOLS. Stop thinking it's impossible and start searching for ways it is possible. I have a sensitive kid. No way would she just pop someone out of anger! that is so unrealistic. I feel so bad for your girl (and you, I know it's a hard thing for a mom to deal with)

You stupid twit. No one is talking about having an emotional reaction (anger) and response (hitting). The reason you take classes/courses and practice is so that you do NOT have an emotional reaction. You have a considered and practiced response.

[Anonymous]

The problem with all of the suggestions here is that when a fight happens, the school doesn't try to determine who started it. They just punish both parties equally. At least that is my understanding.

OP, your daughter shouldn't have to worry about being physically attacked at school. No adult is expected to worry about a coworker physically assaulting them during work hours. Why should a child have that worry?

This is what I would do:

1) Go to the school myself and report the physical assault. and I would use those words -- "My daughter is being physically assaulted while she is in your care."

2) Give your daughter a phone, and tell her the next time anyone physically attacks her, call 911 and tell the police she is being physically attacked. If she can't get to a phone right away, take her to the station and fill out a police report.

Don't let the bullies drag your daughter down with them by potentially letting them get her suspended from school and marks on her record. Physically assaulting another person is a crime. Your daughter is a victim of a crime. I'm tired of people using the term "bullying" to minimize the crime.

In fact, I'd go to the police and make a report about the first incident that happened.

[Anonymous]

I would see if I could get the police involved too!

[Anonymous]

To OP, I'm surprised no one has mentioned this earlier, but you do know that if your daughter defends herself, unfortunately, SHE could end up tangled in accusations that she's a bully as well, or that she assaulted someone. Should that happen? No, of course not. Could it happen? Yes. My friend's son was badly bullied physically over a long time, and wouldn't fight back; he eventually did fight back and ended up getting the same discipline for fighting as the boys who started it. I know the kids involved and know what happened, and the school's reaction was basically, "Everyone threw punches, everyone's at equal fault." That's how schools will handle this stuff.

It also sends your daughter a sad signal that she has to have self-defense classes just to exercise her basic right to attend school. If you really can picture your daughter embracing the idea of boxing lessons, go for it, but from what you describe here, it sounds as if she might balk at the idea. Does she want to learn defense techniques or does the idea scare her even more or make her feel she'll become more of a target? Where is she, on this idea of martial arts or boxing lessons?

I'd take the energy and time you would spend on finding her lessons and spend it instead on hounding the school like hell, keeping documentation and being That Parent who is in their faces about dealing with this. I would absolutely tell the school that you are going to involve the police and charges, if another finger gets laid on her (and then have the guts to DO it if that happens). Take the money you'd spend on martial arts classes and put it aside in case you do get a lawyer. And at the same time, start looking at how to change schools if it comes to that -- you got solid advice on that, in posts above.

[Anonymous]

A good swift key to the inside of the knee will fell an opponent and very likely result in a torn ACL. Teach her how to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to demand that the school come up with a plan to prevent bullying from happening.
Document, document, document!

This rarely gets results. Maiming your attacker is more effective.