Can any DILs/MILs/SILs cop to bad behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the thread asked for people to admit the behaving badly...so why is everyone so pissed when someone admits they did indeed behave badly?

The new bed at the inlaws poster doesn't think she behaved badly, me thinks. She's rather gloating about the new queen bed.

omg you guys! We were adults who had to sleep in separate rooms before marriage. I have every right to flip out and demand to sleep with my husband once we're married and legal. I flipped out more about how his bed was made in a different room.

They should have offered you a sleeping bag (or told you to bring one) so that you both could be in the same room. I don't think you're saying that you think that they owed you a queen bed. Right?

They should have informed you of the proposed sleeping arrangements ahead of time, or AT LEAST provided a decently-sized blow-up mattress or SOMETHING. In the same room, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Ok. To the woman who flipped out and demanded to sleep with your husband...you are not copping to bad behavior, rather, you seem to feel justified that you did the right thing. So I feel ok criticizing you. Did you honestly expect your inlaws to purchase a new bed once you got married? Teah, it's weird they had you in separate rooms, so you should have said something. But to expect them to make a major purchase/change just for you is self centered.

My DH and I sleep in 2 twins at my parents house. Not fun, but if it mattered that much, we'd bring our own queen sized air bed. Sometimes you make do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. To the woman who flipped out and demanded to sleep with your husband...you are not copping to bad behavior, rather, you seem to feel justified that you did the right thing. So I feel ok criticizing you. Did you honestly expect your inlaws to purchase a new bed once you got married? Teah, it's weird they had you in separate rooms, so you should have said something. But to expect them to make a major purchase/change just for you is self centered.

My DH and I sleep in 2 twins at my parents house. Not fun, but if it mattered that much, we'd bring our own queen sized air bed. Sometimes you make do.

Yes, but it's the fact that she "flipped out" and that she clearly finds was an appropriate response that I find to be bizarre. RELAX. Life is long. Have a normal, grown up conversation. It won't hurt. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. To the woman who flipped out and demanded to sleep with your husband...you are not copping to bad behavior, rather, you seem to feel justified that you did the right thing. So I feel ok criticizing you. Did you honestly expect your inlaws to purchase a new bed once you got married? Teah, it's weird they had you in separate rooms, so you should have said something. But to expect them to make a major purchase/change just for you is self centered.

My DH and I sleep in 2 twins at my parents house. Not fun, but if it mattered that much, we'd bring our own queen sized air bed. Sometimes you make do.

Yes, but it's the fact that she "flipped out" and that she clearly finds was an appropriate response that I find to be bizarre. RELAX. Life is long. Have a normal, grown up conversation. It won't hurt. I promise.

It's weird that she flipped out. But I've heard people flip out for a lot less than that on DCUM. I think for most people this would go down as slightly annoying. If the visit was only for overnight - you sleep apart for one night. Next time bring a sleeping bag or an inflatable mattress. If it's for a long visit - ask for a sleeping bag or go out and get one and sleep in the same room, no biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. To the woman who flipped out and demanded to sleep with your husband...you are not copping to bad behavior, rather, you seem to feel justified that you did the right thing. So I feel ok criticizing you. Did you honestly expect your inlaws to purchase a new bed once you got married? Teah, it's weird they had you in separate rooms, so you should have said something. But to expect them to make a major purchase/change just for you is self centered.

My DH and I sleep in 2 twins at my parents house. Not fun, but if it mattered that much, we'd bring our own queen sized air bed. Sometimes you make do.

Yes, but it's the fact that she "flipped out" and that she clearly finds was an appropriate response that I find to be bizarre. RELAX. Life is long. Have a normal, grown up conversation. It won't hurt. I promise.

It's weird that she flipped out. But I've heard people flip out for a lot less than that on DCUM. I think for most people this would go down as slightly annoying. If the visit was only for overnight - you sleep apart for one night. Next time bring a sleeping bag or an inflatable mattress. If it's for a long visit - ask for a sleeping bag or go out and get one and sleep in the same room, no biggie.

Or, and I said this before, DH says to his mom, "we'd prefer to sleep in the same room." Seriously, why does no one even consider this option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. To the woman who flipped out and demanded to sleep with your husband...you are not copping to bad behavior, rather, you seem to feel justified that you did the right thing. So I feel ok criticizing you. Did you honestly expect your inlaws to purchase a new bed once you got married? Teah, it's weird they had you in separate rooms, so you should have said something. But to expect them to make a major purchase/change just for you is self centered.

My DH and I sleep in 2 twins at my parents house. Not fun, but if it mattered that much, we'd bring our own queen sized air bed. Sometimes you make do.

Yes, but it's the fact that she "flipped out" and that she clearly finds was an appropriate response that I find to be bizarre. RELAX. Life is long. Have a normal, grown up conversation. It won't hurt. I promise.

It's weird that she flipped out. But I've heard people flip out for a lot less than that on DCUM. I think for most people this would go down as slightly annoying. If the visit was only for overnight - you sleep apart for one night. Next time bring a sleeping bag or an inflatable mattress. If it's for a long visit - ask for a sleeping bag or go out and get one and sleep in the same room, no biggie.

Or, and I said this before, DH says to his mom, "we'd prefer to sleep in the same room." Seriously, why does no one even consider this option?

Did she actually flip out to their faces or just to DH behind closed doors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wrote about this on another thread. When we were dating (3.5 years) I slept on a twin bunk (more like a toddler sized bed though, DH didn't fit) in DH's childhood room and he slept on the floor in a different room. When we got married and came back for our first married holiday, I saw that same twin bed and I flipped my shit. Even more incredible, they had made DH a bed on the floor in the other room too! We only spent Christmas eve and then left. I made DH sleep on that twin with me that night too. They knew why we'd left so quickly without spending the weekend. Next time we visited, there was a new queen bed waiting for us!

Okay, so what I really want to know is who was in the top bunk?

[Anonymous]

There was a weekend when I was depressed and MIL wanted to come to town and stay at our house. Really she wanted to visit with another family member who lives in our town, but she wanted to stay at our place. I told DH to tell her she couldn't. She was very upset. Her attitude was that she would never refuse HER home to us. I still don't know if I did the right thing. I just didn't feel like having anyone around. Now she is dead and I wish I had sucked it up and just let her come. I could have just stayed in my bedroom.

I wasn't always so nice to my SIL. She and my brother are now divorced. There was always a lot of drama between them and I resented that her presence made our previously quiet holiday visits with my parents so much more unpleasant. In retrospect, thinking about her really difficult upbringing, I understand why she was the way she was and I wish I had been more tolerant. She wasn't an evil person, she just had some issues. I absolutely hated the way she parented her children and it was really hard to watch; I am not sure I always maintained a poker face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote about this on another thread. When we were dating (3.5 years) I slept on a twin bunk (more like a toddler sized bed though, DH didn't fit) in DH's childhood room and he slept on the floor in a different room. When we got married and came back for our first married holiday, I saw that same twin bed and I flipped my shit. Even more incredible, they had made DH a bed on the floor in the other room too! We only spent Christmas eve and then left. I made DH sleep on that twin with me that night too. They knew why we'd left so quickly without spending the weekend. Next time we visited, there was a new queen bed waiting for us!

Okay, so what I really want to know is who was in the top bunk?

It was a bunk bed with a desk under it. Only one bed. So I was in the top bunk.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

Read what you wrote. You called your SILs cancer a "shitload" and specifically complained about finding out on your wedding day.

New poster. I think you've bullied this woman enough. There's a difference between wishing the news hadn't been handed to you on your wedding day (perhaps understandable) and claiming your wedding was ruined. Calm down.

I agree PP.