Can any DILs/MILs/SILs cop to bad behavior?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wrote about this on another thread. When we were dating (3.5 years) I slept on a twin bunk (more like a toddler sized bed though, DH didn't fit) in DH's childhood room and he slept on the floor in a different room. When we got married and came back for our first married holiday, I saw that same twin bed and I flipped my shit. Even more incredible, they had made DH a bed on the floor in the other room too! We only spent Christmas eve and then left. I made DH sleep on that twin with me that night too. They knew why we'd left so quickly without spending the weekend. Next time we visited, there was a new queen bed waiting for us!

Aww, this just sounds like they didn't have room. You guys should have just gotten a hotel instead of having them buy a new bed for what I presume to be infrequent visits.

We are there monthly. It's very frequently.

So? You suck it up for the weekend and afterwards, have DH tell his parents you'd (together) prefer to stay at a hotel for visits from now on, since they can't accommodate you. You don't throw a tantrum like a spoiled princess.

NP. She probably would have rolled with it better if they hadn't put DH *in another room.* How very insulting to separate a married couple!

Jesus, people just look for something to get insulted about. Maybe the other room is bigger, maybe it's carpeted and therefore more comfortable, maybe it's quieter and the ILs thought he'd be more comfortable there. Maybe after this woman has been in their lives for 4 years, they just forgot that how they view her needs to be updated after the wedding. People make mistakes.

They "forgot" that their own son and DIL got married? Ha. No they did not. They didn't need to get a new bed, that would have been over the top. But probably better to offer - "We've got the twin bed for one of you, let us know if you would like a sleeping bag in that room or if one of you would prefer to sleep on the couch. Then let the newlyweds decide.

[Anonymous]

After years and years of hearing my MIL and SIL tell me "that's just not how it's done in this family" and "WE don't do things this way" and "WE do things THIS way," I finally said, "You got a mouse in your pocket? Who is 'we'? This is how I'm going to do this."

It was one time, and my SIL actually laughed about it and lightened up after that. She now loves that phrase, which my dad used to always say.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, people just look for something to get insulted about. Maybe the other room is bigger, maybe it's carpeted and therefore more comfortable, maybe it's quieter and the ILs thought he'd be more comfortable there. Maybe after this woman has been in their lives for 4 years, they just forgot that how they view her needs to be updated after the wedding. People make mistakes.

They "forgot" that their own son and DIL got married? Ha. No they did not. They didn't need to get a new bed, that would have been over the top. But probably better to offer - "We've got the twin bed for one of you, let us know if you would like a sleeping bag in that room or if one of you would prefer to sleep on the couch. Then let the newlyweds decide.

[Anonymous]

It was that whole wedding thing that should have tipped them off. Sorry, I am going to be a MIL some day and no way would I "forget" that I had just gained a DIL.

Doesn't mean I'd buy them a danged brand new bed. Let's not be crazy. But how hard is it to offer them a choice of sleeping arrangements - sleeping bag on the floor of the bedroom or couch in another room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote about this on another thread. When we were dating (3.5 years) I slept on a twin bunk (more like a toddler sized bed though, DH didn't fit) in DH's childhood room and he slept on the floor in a different room. When we got married and came back for our first married holiday, I saw that same twin bed and I flipped my shit. Even more incredible, they had made DH a bed on the floor in the other room too! We only spent Christmas eve and then left. I made DH sleep on that twin with me that night too. They knew why we'd left so quickly without spending the weekend. Next time we visited, there was a new queen bed waiting for us!

Aww, this just sounds like they didn't have room. You guys should have just gotten a hotel instead of having them buy a new bed for what I presume to be infrequent visits.

We are there monthly. It's very frequently.

So? You suck it up for the weekend and afterwards, have DH tell his parents you'd (together) prefer to stay at a hotel for visits from now on, since they can't accommodate you. You don't throw a tantrum like a spoiled princess.

NP. She probably would have rolled with it better if they hadn't put DH *in another room.* How very insulting to separate a married couple!

Jesus, people just look for something to get insulted about. Maybe the other room is bigger, maybe it's carpeted and therefore more comfortable, maybe it's quieter and the ILs thought he'd be more comfortable there. Maybe after this woman has been in their lives for 4 years, they just forgot that how they view her needs to be updated after the wedding. People make mistakes.

They "forgot" that their own son and DIL got married? Ha. No they did not. They didn't need to get a new bed, that would have been over the top. But probably better to offer - "We've got the twin bed for one of you, let us know if you would like a sleeping bag in that room or if one of you would prefer to sleep on the couch. Then let the newlyweds decide.

I didn't say they forgot their son got married. I said maybe they forgot they needed to update how they relate to her. When you know someone for x number of years, sometimes it takes a hot minute to realize that the way you used to interact with that person should be different after a major life change like marriage. People do stupid things without thinking sometimes. It doesn't necessarily translate to evil intent that necessitates throwing a hissy and passive aggressively leaving a visit early. I'm not saying you just keep quiet and sleep in separate beds forever. How about instead, your husband (you know, their SON) takes a look at the sleeping arrangements and says, "wait, mom, why do you have us in separate rooms? we'd like to sleep together." Oh right, I forgot on this board, people would rather manufacture insult and storm off instead of talking to each other like f*&$#@ grownups.

[Anonymous]

^ I agree that I would never have wrecked a visit over something like that. That hissy fit was over the top. And even if I didn't appreciate the dismissive nature of their oversight at least I would have loved my husband (and his family) enough to not make a huge big thing about it during a Christmas visit.

[Anonymous]

Well the thread asked for people to admit the behaving badly...so why is everyone so pissed when someone admits they did indeed behave badly?

[Anonymous]

I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

Love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

Awesome.

Well, well played.

Your MIL thoroughly deserved that one. Damn.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

Read what you wrote. You called your SILs cancer a "shitload" and specifically complained about finding out on your wedding day.

New poster. I think you've bullied this woman enough. There's a difference between wishing the news hadn't been handed to you on your wedding day (perhaps understandable) and claiming your wedding was ruined. Calm down.

Perhaps you should take your own advice. No one was "bullying" that poster. Do you need a "safe space" now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

Drop the mic.

Thread over. Best story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

Drop the mic.

Thread over. Best story.

LOVE IT!

[Anonymous]

I don't know if what I did was bad, per se, but...I banned my MIL's boyfriend from our house for awhile because he was a racist alcoholic. I could only take so many racist comments (I'm a racial minority myself). He has since sobered up, gotten a liver transplant, and (for the most part), keeps his racist comments to himself, though I know he still has them.

I exclusively pumped for one of my kids and would pump extra long and more frequently when they were in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barfed on my MIL's holiday table when she didn't take my shellfish allergy seriously. Of course I would never knowingly eat something that made me sick. But when I felt it coming on and realized what she had done, I decided to just let it fly. For some reason, we haven't had any allergy problems since.

Yes you win for sure. Nothing like rinsing barf off the special Christmas china to really drive that one home!

(Please submit this to Carolyn Hax's holiday chat which is tomorrow, but you can submit today)