Can any DILs/MILs/SILs cop to bad behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Wow, cancer is way more personal, difficult and stressful than dark humor and Facebook privacy settings, PP. Sounds like YOU need compassion and perspective. And by the way, be more upset with your brother than your SIL on the timing of that one.

I hope she's doing OK.

I really have no idea if she's doing okay, because, you see, the matter is private. So no compassion, sympathy, or perspective has ever been possible. But nice try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

[Anonymous]

I kicked my MIL out of the house when I was about 5 days post partum. She just refused to do anything I asked with the baby (eg back sleeping) without making a huge debate over it and was ordering me around. Finally I just lost it.

To her great credit she completely backed off and then started showing up again when we invited her like nothing ever happened.

Now she is still an extremely pushy advice giver but it never bothers me as much (except under moments of great stress) and she is completely dedicated to her grandkids.

All in all I actually feel it was a healthy episode in our relationship!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. My FIL was visiting after the birth of my first child. It was about 3 weeks postpartum and I'd had a C section and was really slow to recover -- climbing stairs was still a major event for me. FIL kept asking for water (on the third floor when I was on the first), complained about the dinner I specially cooked, and was generally totally useless -- not even clearing plates after any meal. DH was great and helping but I was exhausted from hosting. I went to my room, cried, and refused to come out until DH sent FIL packing on a six hour drive back home.

In retrospect, we ended up driving at 6 weeks postpartum to a wedding in his town for BIL so why he felt the need to come is beyond me. But I was probably a jerk. He still seems scared of me years later. He's not my favorite (for other reasons, not evil, just not my kind of guy) but I try to be kind.

Did you refuse to get water and explain why?

Why did you make dinner? That seems like your own fault.

Did you ask him to help clean the table?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

Read what you wrote. You called your SILs cancer a "shitload" and specifically complained about finding out on your wedding day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

Read what you wrote. You called your SILs cancer a "shitload" and specifically complained about finding out on your wedding day.

New poster. I think you've bullied this woman enough. There's a difference between wishing the news hadn't been handed to you on your wedding day (perhaps understandable) and claiming your wedding was ruined. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine anyone coming on this thread and copping to anything. The posters are so intensely hostel mean and bullying, who the hell would want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

You're right. It's all on me, the reason why I don't have any relationship with my SIL. Just all my fault. Because I thought cancer and chemo were not serious things, and didn't understand that they weren't about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. You've got my ticket. I can certainly see where I went wrong was my failure to appreciate the seriousness of cancer. It had absolutely nothing to do with the t brick wall that went up every time I reached out to her. But you know better, you obviously are a better person.

NP. Wow. It's actually quite obvious that you ARE the problem.

Yes, SILs cancer ruined her special special wedding day!

No, it didn't ruin my wedding day. That's ridiculous. This is so typically DCUM distort and twist time. Well, have fun girls! Go to it!

((hugs)) I'm sorry. Not everyone gets how hurtful it is to be shut out like that. Maybe your SIL was simply trying to spare you her sad news during your time of happiness. Maybe she wanted to keep the focus shining on you. Misplaced anger on her part is another possibility. Either way, I can see how it would have been awful to get news like that on your wedding day. Unless it was obvious that something was going on with her, your brother really should have kept that news to himself. I hope she is doing o.k. now. It is time to let this go...for your own sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Cancer us extremely private, and there's no right if wrong way for a patient to handle it, PP. You are comparing it to social media settings? Needing chemo is very serious. Losing your hair is demoralizing. It is not about you!

+1

[Anonymous]

I call my FIL out on his misogynistic behavior. It "stirs the pot" in a way I'm sure is not welcome, but I will be damned if I let him make my daughter feel she is "less than" in any way just because she doesn't have a penis. She is every bit as important as a person and as a member of her family as her brother, even though she may "not carry on the family name" or whatever. He always acts like my son should get all the "family heirlooms" (we're talking old furniture here, not the Crown Jewels) just because he's a boy.

[Anonymous]

I wrote about this on another thread. When we were dating (3.5 years) I slept on a twin bunk (more like a toddler sized bed though, DH didn't fit) in DH's childhood room and he slept on the floor in a different room. When we got married and came back for our first married holiday, I saw that same twin bed and I flipped my shit. Even more incredible, they had made DH a bed on the floor in the other room too! We only spent Christmas eve and then left. I made DH sleep on that twin with me that night too. They knew why we'd left so quickly without spending the weekend. Next time we visited, there was a new queen bed waiting for us!