When a friend or family member is making a huge parenting mistake...
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Anonymous
No one is disagreeing with you - especially the PP in question since both of her kids are in daycare. She is saying that daycare for a shy sensitive little guy who has been home with a loving nanny for his entire 23 months on the planet should not be thrown into daycare now just to toughen him up!!! I am so surprised that any mother would debate that! |
Anonymous
Actually I disagree. If your sister can't tell you the truth (or even just her professional opinion) who can? Seriously, are we never going to take advice from anyone ever? Did giving birth make me suddenly infallible ? This "mine your own business" contingent has gone way too far. I would want to hear advice and opinion for other people. In the end it is my decision, of course, on how I raise my child but I am not afraid of differing opinions and generally learn something from them. Crazy PP admitted that she actually exploded on her family for their decision to choose daycare over nanny. This is what you want as well-meaning advice? And, as if that weren't enough, she wants to go back and harass them even further about it. This is precisely why we say mind your own business. There is 0 evidence that this child is going to have a problem with daycare yet this person cannot even contemplate not giving her opinion. And then giving it again. It's ridiculous! |
Anonymous
Babywearing past 6 months Allowing sugar for special occasions allowing exposure to mild allergen |
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Anonymous
We cam learn from opinion and advice. I would be more afraid to simply rule out any advice based on my instincts. Then again, I was raised to listen, then verify, then decide on any subject. Certainly raising my children is the most important thing I have to do and I want to learn all opinions and hear all advice - then I verify all I hear and then decide. So to PP - approach the subject of your nephew again calmly and gently with your brother and SIL. Then you have no choice but to let it go and support your nephew in any way possible. And NEVER take an "I told you so" attitude with your brother when it doesn't work out. |
Anonymous
Crazy PP admitted that she actually exploded on her family for their decision to choose daycare over nanny. This is what you want as well-meaning advice? And, as if that weren't enough, she wants to go back and harass them even further about it. This is precisely why we say mind your own business. There is 0 evidence that this child is going to have a problem with daycare yet this person cannot even contemplate not giving her opinion. And then giving it again. It's ridiculous! Come on - PP apologized for losing it! Sorry that everyone's reactions in the moment are not perfect!! She should definitely tell her brother her opinion on something this important! Look - we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I think doing anything to "toughen up" a toddler is a wrong choice. |
Anonymous
I would if I knew for sure that nothing was being done. But, I have experience homeschooling, so I do know that what may look like nothing to most people is actually a good introduction to school. |
Anonymous
| I would never listen to a supposed psychologist who couldn't keep her cool enough to calmly discuss an issue with me. Exploding over a choice to use daycare, really? You're lucky if they ever speak to you again. |
Anonymous
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It is clear why OP refused to say what the issue was. Look at what happened to this thread just by a PP opening this can of worms. We lose sight of the actual question posed. \
And to OP - yes, I always give my opinion/advice and hope my friends and family will do the same for me. It is the parents decision ultimately but no one is hurt by opposing views or advice. Information is power - always has been and always will be. |
Anonymous
Given your credentials, I would approach it calmly and ask if they are willing to talk to you or another professional about it. |
Anonymous
| OP, have you considered that your brother's family might not be in a position to pay for a nanny any longer? And that they may not necessarily be comfortable to share their financial concerns with you because you're a judgy busybody who butts with opinions when nobody asked you? |
Anonymous
Actually, switching a child from one-on-one nanny or other care to institutionalized daycare between 18 months and 36 months could hurt him, emotionally and mentally. PP knows why it's a concern, that's why she was so upset and why she wants to talk rationally with them. |
Anonymous
Come on - PP apologized for losing it! Sorry that everyone's reactions in the moment are not perfect!! She should definitely tell her brother her opinion on something this important! Look - we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I think doing anything to "toughen up" a toddler is a wrong choice. So you are saying that you would find it acceptable if someone exploded at you because you did not parent the way they approve? In this case, for some weird reason, you agree with PP. What about when you don't? |
Anonymous
everyone comes from their own place. I'm the PP who has a similar situation to PPs in my family, minus blowup. I think what a lot of respondents are totally missing is that PP has professional context for her "opinion." People don't go into fields like school psychology unless they really care about helping children and families. They then go to school for years and get thousands of hours of practice with actual people. It's one thing to MYOB when you are on the same footing as everyone else, as most PPs are--parent to parent, it's a wise parent who knows the limits of their knowledge and how to couch thing sin terms of their own experience or MYOB altogether. That is not PP's situation. When, because of your profession, you have actual evidence of something being done in a sub-optimal way, "MYOB" is not the same kind of decision. As I said, my parents are educators. I didn't say before, but I am a developmental neuroscientist (research, not patients) and my sister is a social worker in the foster care system. When you have clinical experience like PP and my family members, a bad idea like her SILs is not just an idea that sounds bad, as it is to us regular parents. It is a bad idea you have personally seen, and worked to counteract, the effects of--not just once, either, but dozens or hundreds of times. Your mind goes not to "what if it were my kid" as our normal-parent minds do, but to the faces of the many kids you've seen who were harmed by such approaches. PP is not objecting to daycare, as so many PPs think she is, but to the stated objective to "toughen up" a 2 year old boy who his parents think is too sensitive. I'm going to restate my advice because I hope psychologist PP sees it as coming from someone who's been in (ok, near) her shoes. You have decades ahead with these family members who think this way and as you well know your blowup has hurt your ability to speak up. Consider the question this way: is the best you can do for your nephew to get yourself "on the record" on this particular issue at the possible expense of some closeness with the family? Or are the long-term objectives better served by you continuing to be a close presence in his life? It is going to be hard to watch these relatives make decision after decision that you disagree with and watch your nephew suffer. So you have to think about what good is actually within your reach to do here. Changing their behavior is likely not within your reach. Giving your nephew a safe space with you, however, can be. Either way you have to apologize. I think you can humble yourself enough to someday be in a position where they will see you as a source for advice if they're having an issue. but that day may never come even if it needs to. |
Anonymous
Psychologist PP's brother: We're going to put Larlo in daycare. Psychologist PP: Would you be willing to talk to a professional about this? I don't think that would go over well. |
Anonymous
They live in another country. You have no idea how they are working with their child day-to-day. They probably just don't want to discuss it with you, which is why they didn't share any information from the pediatric neurologist appointments. They're not keeping it secret - it's none of your damn business. |