When a friend or family member is making a huge parenting mistake...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

calm down gotcha girl. I'm not your hated psychologist. I posted the link bc I was tired of reading smug PPs unable to google stuff. there's much larger and better studies since this.

So, out of curiosity, since "there's much larger and better studies since this" you posted this link instead of those bigger and better studies because....?

Np here. Didi you start your child in full time daycare after he/she was 18 months old and before he/she turned three-years-old? What was your personal outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

calm down gotcha girl. I'm not your hated psychologist. I posted the link bc I was tired of reading smug PPs unable to google stuff. there's much larger and better studies since this.

So, out of curiosity, since "there's much larger and better studies since this" you posted this link instead of those bigger and better studies because....?

Np here. Didi you start your child in full time daycare after he/she was 18 months old and before he/she turned three-years-old? What was your personal outcome?

NP PP, I think you meant to ask, "Did you start your child in full time daycare after he/she was 18 months old and before he/she turned three years old, and was it a huge parenting mistake?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

calm down gotcha girl. I'm not your hated psychologist. I posted the link bc I was tired of reading smug PPs unable to google stuff. there's much larger and better studies since this.

So, out of curiosity, since "there's much larger and better studies since this" you posted this link instead of those bigger and better studies because....?

Because it was the first hit on google and some pp claimed to not be able to find any studies on google.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

If it's a debatable issue, then let it go. I.E. Rear-facing vs. forward-facing.

I personally rear-face longer than most people I know, but I don't shove it in peoples' faces. They have the resources and abilities to figure out the right choices for their family (even if study after study says it's "safer").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/316214.page

Is this the same poster? If so, lots of people in the nanny forum have given her a lot of advice.

Very interesting! My guess is that so many kids go off to daycare around that age that this is simply not an unusual situation. I don't frequent the nanny boards but I bet there's more than one thread on this subject.

The nanny OP in that thread is just...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece is behind on several milestones - she is 23 months, just started walking last month, does not say any words at all. Brother and SIL live in another country, they don't believe in early intervention and think things will sort themselves out. They saw a pediatric neurologist a couple of times, but keep whatever info they got secret.

I think they are too carefree about something like this and they don't do enough for the child (seeing specialists, development activities). But I can't say anything because it will accomplish only 1 thing - alienate them and create bad feelings. I am expecting my 1st, so I don't exactly have a long partenting resume. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut until asked for advice.

They live in another country. You have no idea how they are working with their child day-to-day. They probably just don't want to discuss it with you, which is why they didn't share any information from the pediatric neurologist appointments. They're not keeping it secret - it's none of your damn business.

You need to chill the f*&k out. I clearly stated that I am not intervening in any way and keeping my mouth shut. You don't know how often I see them btw. In another country doesn't mean once in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

calm down gotcha girl. I'm not your hated psychologist. I posted the link bc I was tired of reading smug PPs unable to google stuff. there's much larger and better studies since this.

So, out of curiosity, since "there's much larger and better studies since this" you posted this link instead of those bigger and better studies because....?

Np here. Didi you start your child in full time daycare after he/she was 18 months old and before he/she turned three-years-old? What was your personal outcome?

NP PP, I think you meant to ask, "Did you start your child in full time daycare after he/she was 18 months old and before he/she turned three years old, and was it a huge parenting mistake?"

I think I'm gotcha girl. I did think you were the psychologist- I'm actually glad to hear you're not, because the study you posted doesn't remotely support the assertion that was being discussed- that kids who start day care between 18 and 30 months suffer, and risk life long psychological issues. I would have been a bit disturbed if a professional so badly misinterpreted that study.

I didn't post so much to catch you in something, but I think it's a little ridiculous when people post on here, day in and day out, citing ambiguous studies for issues when there is no clear consensus or answer. I'm sure there are some kids who have attachment issues, and for whom starting day care at that age is detrimental. On the other hand, I started one of my kids in day care at 18 months, and I haven't seen a hint of attachment or other issues (he's 5). And yes, that's obviously the reason I waded into this kerfuffle- because this is honestly the first time I have ever heard that 18 months was a bad age to start day care. I can assure you that no one at the top notch day care we toured mentioned it at the time.

I guess that's what this whole site is about, but I just don't understand why some people insist on citing studies in a quest to prove that there is one right way to raise every kid.

[Anonymous]

WOW!
I was thinking about situations where you might be tempted to say something
-- toddlers drown easily -- legitimate fear
-- children need some protein
-- don't hit, slap, or spank -- violence begets violence
-- getting very drunk or high around young kids is not a good idea
-- you are not doing your child a favor by spoiling them rotten (good luck getting anyone to listen to that one)

otherwise, MYOB

[Anonymous]

Ha!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/505186.page

[Anonymous]

One more --your nanny slaps your child. SAY SOMETHING

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/505186.page

well I guess my post thanking psychologist PP was right on in one way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

+1

Wow - I disagree 100%!!! If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later. I love my nephew and my sister!!! These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.


I would definitely bring it up again, PP.

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board. Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son. And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation. How thoughtful!

PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

So, you're going to tell them that mom should stay home and care for the child full time until he's a few years older.

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/505186.page

well I guess my post thanking psychologist PP was right on in one way.

I love Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/505186.page

Ha! indeed!

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/505186.page

OMG, this is hysterical. A nanny posing as a "school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools" I didn't believe she was a psychologist from the minute she posted, but now it has been proven.