When a friend or family member is making a huge parenting mistake...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

"Hurt but not kill", and cause emotional pain? I'm guessing it's something along the lines of circumcision, CIO, etc? Mom going back to work and putting kid in daycare? Singapore math? Just say what it is, so we can properly answer your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

If the "huge parenting mistake" would set off a huge debate on DCUM, then it's not a "huge parenting mistake". It's a "something there are various opinions about".

(Non-vaccination against medical advice is not a parenting mistake; it's a medical mistake.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

If the "huge parenting mistake" would set off a huge debate on DCUM, then it's not a "huge parenting mistake". It's a "something there are various opinions about".

(Non-vaccination against medical advice is not a parenting mistake; it's a medical mistake.)

+1. If she was choosing not to put her toddler in a car seat, DCUM wouldn't debate that. A huge debate here means there's a significant difference of opinion in the parenting community about the issue, which means it's not such a clear-cut issue as you'd like us to believe. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Something tells me OP's issue is either forward facing car seats or vaccines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

"Hurt but not kill", and cause emotional pain? I'm guessing it's something along the lines of circumcision, CIO, etc? Mom going back to work and putting kid in daycare? Singapore math? Just say what it is, so we can properly answer your question.

Circumcision
Formula-feeding
Strollers
Sleep-training
Spanking
Time outs
Daycare
Solid food
Backpack leashes
Reading instruction
Walking to/from the school bus stop/park without parental supervision
....?

(But probably not Singapore Math. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.

Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

I don't know. Can you?

Also, why do you want to "get on the record"? If you don't think that your statement will have any effect on the parent/family member's behavior, why make it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

You can't approach the subject again, even calmly. You made your feelings well known, and raising it again will just be badgering them.

You don't get to control other people's parenting decisions. If it's really that egregious, call CPS. If it doesn't rise to that level, move on.

[Anonymous]

Fess up OP, what is this mistake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Email?

Apologize for how you reacted, say your horrible reaction got in the way of the main point, then send a link with a very reputable source like the American academy of pediatrics. If you can't get a source that good, just apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never mention a parenting mistake unless it was abusive or dangerous.

Define abusive. There are so many things that may be psychologically damaging to a child. Children will adapt but at what cost? Wouldn't you want to know if you were doing something that may not be in the best interest of your child?

For my sibling and toxic new partner:

drinking and driving with the kid in the car
verbally abusing the kid
locking them out of the house at a young age
cutting them off from the other parent

Dude, call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

Here is your answer. If this is a hugely debatable subject, then there are plenty of people who agree with what they are doing and your 'huge parenting mistake' that will cause emotional harm is something they've thought about it and decided to do. This is not like not using a car seat, or something that is not really debatable. Mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Just apologize for being a jerk. Maybe over time you will gain credibility again. Right now your parent/family member does not want to hear you tell them the facts calmly. Just apologize and leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never mention a parenting mistake unless it was abusive or dangerous.

Define abusive. There are so many things that may be psychologically damaging to a child. Children will adapt but at what cost? Wouldn't you want to know if you were doing something that may not be in the best interest of your child?

For my sibling and toxic new partner:

drinking and driving with the kid in the car
verbally abusing the kid
locking them out of the house at a young age
cutting them off from the other parent

Dude, call CPS.

+1

The first one isn't even debatable.