Men: do you care if a woman has a career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think intelligence is tied to a career or education. I like an intelligent woman, but am a man and feel it is my job to provide the money.

My wife has a job because she likes it that way, but it is not a criteria for marriage. My main attraction is that she is funny, is physically fit and attractive, and that she is a kind person. She can work or SAH. Unfortunately her working makes our lives more complicated, but her "career" was never a focus for me.

Your job is to be there. Be here for your wife, your newborn, your kids, your house, your family admin, etc.

Be there, be present, don't just be a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

This is DC. Men want successful wives. That stuff may fly in Herndon or somewhere.

[Anonymous]

My husband has always dated women with a professional career trajectory (either in college, grad school, or in a career). When we were dating seriously, we had talks about our "fantasy futures," and his always clearly included having a family (a kid or two) and a professional, working wife. His mother was not a professional, and though she is exceptionally personable and wonderful, he observed she had a tough time when her marriage dissolved. Also, all the men he's friends with are married to professional women with very few exceptions, and his female friends--through work or otherwise--are also professionals.

It's what he knows.

If we were independently wealthy, we might find having jobs and careers "embarrassing." (Isn't that how Sunny von Bulow described her husband's pursuit of a career in law or finance (I can remember which)? )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think intelligence is tied to a career or education. I like an intelligent woman, but am a man and feel it is my job to provide the money.

My wife has a job because she likes it that way, but it is not a criteria for marriage. My main attraction is that she is funny, is physically fit and attractive, and that she is a kind person. She can work or SAH. Unfortunately her working makes our lives more complicated, but her "career" was never a focus for me.

Your job is to be there. Be here for your wife, your newborn, your kids, your house, your family admin, etc.

Be there, be present, don't just be a paycheck.

You might find that if you move to other places in the US (e.g., Pacific Northwest, where there are some very $$$ successful women) your family/life options expand a bit. It's exhilarating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that my wife is educated with a graduate degree, but I do not care if she has a career, unless she wants to. Fortunately for our family, she takes pride in being a SAHM. I could not be happier, or more proud of her.

Ditto. I often say, the secret to my success is my SAHM wife!

Says the SAHM wife....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general a teacher will be more attractive to a professional man able to be sole breadwinner of his family than a ball busting lawyer who thinks she is the bees knees.

This is another reason why I like being a lawyer: Weeds out insecure men like you. No man who uses the term "ball busting" seriously is worth the time it takes to dismiss him. I have two friends who are teachers and both of them have husbands who are really misogynistic tools. Both of my friends are smart (choice of husbands aside), but bullies who want to keep women small and controllable seem to be attracted to female teachers. My husband is sweet, smart and a good partner.

Good for you. I'd never hire a female lawyer.

Hiring a female lawyer is a smart move. You'll get more talent for the money, because of the pay disparities. Same for female wealth advisors and other male dominated fields. Pro tip.

[Anonymous]

Is it just me or do these conversations often involve reference to a vague, generic "career"?

I am generally attracted to women who commit their lives to social justice. That kind of "career" is a definite plus.

I do not find any "career" attractive. A lot of careers I find neutral, and some are a turn-off, investment banking being one, corporate law also iffy. This does depend on the circumstances. If she hates it but has huge student loans to pay and is going to quit and do something more noble when she can, that's different entirely.

I see a lot of blog posts and articles forwarded these days about the dating challenges of women "with careers", women complaining that men are intimidated by their "career", but for me, the question of what you specifically choose to do with your life is important.

Just my $0.02.

[Anonymous]

I'm semi-retired and my wife is much younger. She'll outlive me by several decades so I encourage her career as she'll want to support herself (though I've provided for her) and she enjoys her work. I don't expect her to sit around doing nothing for 30 years while I'm gone. Things are harmonious at home. We take care of each other's needs, so it's cool.

[Anonymous]

I'm a lawyer who became a teacher and I don't bust my husband's balls. I take very good care of them, in point of fact.

And I AM the bees knees, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

An older man once told me that the most attractive thing on a woman is a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late twenties now but I've worked retail and as an unpaid intern

Wow, that's quite the resume.

and none of my suitors cared if I was a doctor or lawyer.

Why would they?

They were all doctors lawyers or engineers.

Yeah, I bet.

My sister who is gorgeous is a waitress and is being pursued by a NASA scientist. She doesn't even have a college degree.

I highly doubt some NASA scientist is going to seriously date some broad who only graduated from HS because it was her social avenue. Sure if she's hot and she polishes trailer hitches, then I'm sure he'll go out with her. But seriously date her? No chance.

My honest opinion? Your story is complete BS.

Are you male or female? What a rude, condescending post. My honest opinion? You are a douche. Or an overweight unattractive female. ugly on the inside for sure. I'm guessing it doesn't get you many dates. And also guessing you will dispute this and insult me ...

[Anonymous]

My husband would be a million times more stressed out if he was the sole support for his family. In some ways I'm sure he'd like someone who stayed home and dealt with the drop-offs and the sick days and the grocery shopping, but I think overall he's happy with the quality of life we have with two earners. Also, he has realized that talking me up makes him more attractive to other women -- it takes a confident man to show pride in his wife's professional success, and other women pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think intelligence is tied to a career or education. I like an intelligent woman, but am a man and feel it is my job to provide the money.

My wife has a job because she likes it that way, but it is not a criteria for marriage. My main attraction is that she is funny, is physically fit and attractive, and that she is a kind person. She can work or SAH. Unfortunately her working makes our lives more complicated, but her "career" was never a focus for me.

Your job is to be there. Be here for your wife, your newborn, your kids, your house, your family admin, etc.

Be there, be present, don't just be a paycheck.

What does that have to do with it?

These things are not mutually exclusive. I take care of my family financially and that makes me happy and I feel that is my job as a man. Since my wife chooses to work, the hectic day to day domestic duties are equally split. Yes, I'd like her to quit. Yes, it would make our lives easier, but she chooses otherwise and that works too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think intelligence is tied to a career or education. I like an intelligent woman, but am a man and feel it is my job to provide the money.

My wife has a job because she likes it that way, but it is not a criteria for marriage. My main attraction is that she is funny, is physically fit and attractive, and that she is a kind person. She can work or SAH. Unfortunately her working makes our lives more complicated, but her "career" was never a focus for me.

Your job is to be there. Be here for your wife, your newborn, your kids, your house, your family admin, etc.

Be there, be present, don't just be a paycheck.

You might find that if you move to other places in the US (e.g., Pacific Northwest, where there are some very $$$ successful women) your family/life options expand a bit. It's exhilarating.

What are you even talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is DC. Men want successful wives. That stuff may fly in Herndon or somewhere.

yep.