Men: do you care if a woman has a career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's best friend was adamant that he wanted to find a woman who wanted to be a stay at home mom with no career goals. He scoffed that my husband married me - a successful, busy lawyer. He found her - living off and on at her parents', part time waitressing, etc. She kept working for a year, and then quit her part-time job when she was 5 months pregnant. He even threw her a "retirement party". Fast forward 8 years and it turns she's a totally crappy mom. Sleeps in, has a 15 hour a week nanny plus kids in childcare plus parents on the same street who watch the kids several times a week. Forgets to buy school supplies or send the kids to school with cupcakes for the bakesale. Terrible cook. It turns out that, in 2015 that women who have never aspired to a career or education aren't exactly top of the head on the mom material either. His career has taken some shitty turns during the recession and he's trying to figure out how to divorce her without losing all his money and the kids in the process (since the family court system will actually favor her with custody since she's been "primary caregiver" all along). Recently, he told me how wrong he was about wanting that kind of wife and how awesome my husband and my situation is. Who would have guessed that a woman who isn't motivated to go to college also isn't motivated to do laundry?

I dont think she did anything wrong. She was honest about herself. Sounds like your DH's bff just wants some kind of a 1950s stepford wife. I find it hilarious that he didnt get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

how appropriate...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

I feel like way too many SAHMs have convinced their husbands that their jobs are crazy hard and exhausting and the "most important job in the world". My husband makes $450k for a 9-5 job with frequent travel. Because of the travel, i went part time 9-3 and still make $250k. I pick up the kids from school, we have a housecleaner once a week, and an amazon prime account. There is nothing to do from 4pm on every day except the occasional load of laundry and dinner (which my husband and i both love cooking, so we alternate). If you think dual-working households are slaving away at 10pm every night, your wife has pulled the wool over your eyes.

And my husband freaking loves that i work and make that much cash. It is awesome for both of us to know that every day we go into the office is by choice and we could both quit like that. We both do a much better job at work because of that freedom.

WOW!! Congrats to you! You figured it all out! All my SAHM wife has to do is find a part time job that pays a quarter million a year! Why didn't she think of that. Perhaps she could check monster.com.

I work in BigLaw, and make what your husband makes. Yet, I have the humility not to tell the average person on DCUM who complains about financial hardship that the secret is to just find a job that pays triple.

And FWIW, my SAHM wife will be the first to tell you - now that the kids are in school, she has some free time on her hands. Sure, she is busy with domestic stuff for some of it, but she also has time to meet friends for coffee and go to the gym, etc. I love her, I am glad to see she is happy and has the chance to enjoy free time.

Right!?!? That may be the most clueless post ever on DCUM, and that's saying something.

Everyone just go get a part time job that pays 250k! Duh!

[Anonymous]

I don't mind if my wife has a career or not as long as we love each other and support each other.

I do however mind if she is in a career that is parasitic towards society. So I would value the SAHW or the teacher over the lawyer...who unsurprisingly is #2 on the list of careers with most psychopaths, number one being the CEO.

[Anonymous]

I care that my wife is highly educated but don't care if she has a 'career' and definitely not interested in one that has a career known for assholes (lawyer, trader, ibanker, management consultant, etc).

I.E. if she was a art history phd from yale that works as a curator or academic - that's great.

If she's just another biglaw harpy - no thanks.

[Anonymous]

I doubt the two PPs with the hate-ons for lawyers could score an intelligent woman if he were the last man alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

I feel like way too many SAHMs have convinced their husbands that their jobs are crazy hard and exhausting and the "most important job in the world". My husband makes $450k for a 9-5 job with frequent travel. Because of the travel, i went part time 9-3 and still make $250k. I pick up the kids from school, we have a housecleaner once a week, and an amazon prime account. There is nothing to do from 4pm on every day except the occasional load of laundry and dinner (which my husband and i both love cooking, so we alternate). If you think dual-working households are slaving away at 10pm every night, your wife has pulled the wool over your eyes.

And my husband freaking loves that i work and make that much cash. It is awesome for both of us to know that every day we go into the office is by choice and we could both quit like that. We both do a much better job at work because of that freedom.

WOW!! Congrats to you! You figured it all out! All my SAHM wife has to do is find a part time job that pays a quarter million a year! Why didn't she think of that. Perhaps she could check monster.com.

I work in BigLaw, and make what your husband makes. Yet, I have the humility not to tell the average person on DCUM who complains about financial hardship that the secret is to just find a job that pays triple.

And FWIW, my SAHM wife will be the first to tell you - now that the kids are in school, she has some free time on her hands. Sure, she is busy with domestic stuff for some of it, but she also has time to meet friends for coffee and go to the gym, etc. I love her, I am glad to see she is happy and has the chance to enjoy free time.

Right!?!? That may be the most clueless post ever on DCUM, and that's saying something.

Everyone just go get a part time job that pays 250k! Duh!

So the solution to domestic bliss is pulling in $700K a year. No I know!