polyamory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

I think this is sort of how I feel. I love DH. I know I will always want to be with him, share my home with him, have a physical relationship with him, have him as my best and most trusted friend.

I just also have a hard time thinking about him being the only person I ever have a physical relationship with for the rest of my life. And, to me, the desire to be with someone else does not diminish my desire to be with DH.

Still, I am nervous about potentially screwing up a good thing.

So how much of this have you discussed with your DH and how does he feel about it? It sounds like you haven't actually acts on your feelings yet. How do you both plan to go forward?

We've discussed it generally. He knows I'm attracted to women and (in the abstract) would like to act on that. In theory, he is not necessarily opposed to the idea of exploring physical relationships with others, for me or for himself.

No specific plans to go forward. Frankly, with a small kid, the logistics seem daunting - there are only so many hours in the day. And I think even if we are both comfortable with it in theory, it's still a big leap of faith to make the theoretical real.

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.

[Anonymous]

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.



Oh don't listen to that judgmental crap, OP. Life is short. I would rather live and enjoy and experience my life than be 100% safe. If this is not the right thing for your marriage, then fine. But you are responding respectfully to someone who refers to your desire and natural curiosity as "animal instincts." Come on. That is total crap. The only two people who should really have a say in this are you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.



Oh don't listen to that judgmental crap, OP. Life is short. I would rather live and enjoy and experience my life than be 100% safe. If this is not the right thing for your marriage, then fine. But you are responding respectfully to someone who refers to your desire and natural curiosity as "animal instincts." Come on. That is total crap. The only two people who should really have a say in this are you and your husband.

I guess it's my fear showing through. Fear that I'll mess things up by exploring non-monogamy, and having internalized ideas like those expressed by the "animal instincts" PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.

Oh don't listen to that judgmental crap, OP. Life is short. I would rather live and enjoy and experience my life than be 100% safe. If this is not the right thing for your marriage, then fine. But you are responding respectfully to someone who refers to your desire and natural curiosity as "animal instincts." Come on. That is total crap. The only two people who should really have a say in this are you and your husband.

I guess it's my fear showing through. Fear that I'll mess things up by exploring non-monogamy, and having internalized ideas like those expressed by the "animal instincts" PP.

That is completely understandable but let's remove the judgment from the language and talk about what this really is. You have not had a chance to fully explore your sexuality and this is troubling you. Probably the best approach, if your husband is interested, is just to explore this intellectually for a while. Read books, talk, meet some people. You don't have to jump into anything unless you find that you are both committed. I believe that if your love is strong, and you test the waters and find that it is not going to work, then you can turn back. But I do caution you to resist making false promises to a third or fourth party. If you tell someone you are available for a relationship and your husband nixes it a few weeks into it, then you will hurt someone. Ethics and responsibility are very important in the world of non-monogamy. Any poly person who tells you this is all beautiful and perfect is lying to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

I think this is sort of how I feel. I love DH. I know I will always want to be with him, share my home with him, have a physical relationship with him, have him as my best and most trusted friend.

I just also have a hard time thinking about him being the only person I ever have a physical relationship with for the rest of my life. And, to me, the desire to be with someone else does not diminish my desire to be with DH.

Still, I am nervous about potentially screwing up a good thing.

So how much of this have you discussed with your DH and how does he feel about it? It sounds like you haven't actually acts on your feelings yet. How do you both plan to go forward?

We've discussed it generally. He knows I'm attracted to women and (in the abstract) would like to act on that. In theory, he is not necessarily opposed to the idea of exploring physical relationships with others, for me or for himself.

No specific plans to go forward. Frankly, with a small kid, the logistics seem daunting - there are only so many hours in the day. And I think even if we are both comfortable with it in theory, it's still a big leap of faith to make the theoretical real.

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.

That is exactly right, and that is your saner voice talking. You also have a child to think about. It's no longer just about you, your wants, your interests, your curiosities. Leave alone the fact that yes, this is an "animalistic" instinct that self-developed and self-aware humans overcome. You are no longer free to just go out and satisfy any random curiosity. This is no longer "YOUR one life to live." You have chosen to commit that life to another person and to create a child with him. With that choice comes obligations and responsibilities. Recognizing that is exactly the definition of being a grown-up, as you mentioned.

Your child needs you, OP. So does your DH. They need you to be fully there, present and committed to them, as a family unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

I think this is sort of how I feel. I love DH. I know I will always want to be with him, share my home with him, have a physical relationship with him, have him as my best and most trusted friend.

I just also have a hard time thinking about him being the only person I ever have a physical relationship with for the rest of my life. And, to me, the desire to be with someone else does not diminish my desire to be with DH.

Still, I am nervous about potentially screwing up a good thing.

So how much of this have you discussed with your DH and how does he feel about it? It sounds like you haven't actually acts on your feelings yet. How do you both plan to go forward?

We've discussed it generally. He knows I'm attracted to women and (in the abstract) would like to act on that. In theory, he is not necessarily opposed to the idea of exploring physical relationships with others, for me or for himself.

No specific plans to go forward. Frankly, with a small kid, the logistics seem daunting - there are only so many hours in the day. And I think even if we are both comfortable with it in theory, it's still a big leap of faith to make the theoretical real.

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.

That is exactly right, and that is your saner voice talking. You also have a child to think about. It's no longer just about you, your wants, your interests, your curiosities. Leave alone the fact that yes, this is an "animalistic" instinct that self-developed and self-aware humans overcome. You are no longer free to just go out and satisfy any random curiosity. This is no longer "YOUR one life to live." You have chosen to commit that life to another person and to create a child with him. With that choice comes obligations and responsibilities. Recognizing that is exactly the definition of being a grown-up, as you mentioned.

Your child needs you, OP. So does your DH. They need you to be fully there, present and committed to them, as a family unit.

Whatever we end up deciding, I will always be fully there for my child and husband. And I feel so lucky to have a partner in my life who is open to talking about non-monogamy with me without getting freaked out. I think it is a testament to the strength of our marriage. Whether we ever act on it or not, I am so grateful to have a marriage that is so completely rooted in honesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Please get yourself some help before you lose your child and family over this nonsense. It 's not all about fulfilling your animal instincts

This is one thought I have. That I'm a grown-up now and that if I wanted to explore polyamory and have relationships with both men and women, I should have done so back in college. Perhaps the ship has sailed, so to speak. Of course, in college, I was insecure and lacked the confidence necessary to embark on such a path.

And then I think, this is my one life to live, and perhaps I shouldn't limit myself.

For now, it's just a thought experiment anyway.

Oh don't listen to that judgmental crap, OP. Life is short. I would rather live and enjoy and experience my life than be 100% safe. If this is not the right thing for your marriage, then fine. But you are responding respectfully to someone who refers to your desire and natural curiosity as "animal instincts." Come on. That is total crap. The only two people who should really have a say in this are you and your husband.

I guess it's my fear showing through. Fear that I'll mess things up by exploring non-monogamy, and having internalized ideas like those expressed by the "animal instincts" PP.

That is completely understandable but let's remove the judgment from the language and talk about what this really is. You have not had a chance to fully explore your sexuality and this is troubling you. Probably the best approach, if your husband is interested, is just to explore this intellectually for a while. Read books, talk, meet some people. You don't have to jump into anything unless you find that you are both committed. I believe that if your love is strong, and you test the waters and find that it is not going to work, then you can turn back. But I do caution you to resist making false promises to a third or fourth party. If you tell someone you are available for a relationship and your husband nixes it a few weeks into it, then you will hurt someone. Ethics and responsibility are very important in the world of non-monogamy. Any poly person who tells you this is all beautiful and perfect is lying to you.

Thanks, PP. I have a lot of reading and thinking and talking with DH to do, for sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

did you two report your lifestyle on the SF86? sounds like a major opportunity for blackmail.

Beat me to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

did you two report your lifestyle on the SF86? sounds like a major opportunity for blackmail.

Beat me to it.