polyamory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself polyamorous. What would you like to know?

To the pp with the 4 year relationship: I am so sorry. I know how hard break ups can be but that happens in all relationships.

It doesn't happen in ALL relationships. It didn't happen in my parents' 50 year marriage. Then again, that PP could have been married to the guy and then he decides four years is it. That would have been harder.

I don't know you but I'm still petty sure you're smart enough to understand that I didn't mean that ALL relationships end this way. I meant that break ups occur in all types of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself polyamorous. What would you like to know?

To the pp with the 4 year relationship: I am so sorry. I know how hard break ups can be but that happens in all relationships.

Are you in a long-term relationship? If so, were you both (or more, if it's a triad or more) polyamorous when you went into the relationship or were you at some point monogamous?

I guess I'm just uncertain how it works when you are interested in dipping your toes in polyamory after being monogamous for so long.

Yes, I have been married for over 20 years and, for many years, we were monogamous. It's not easy. It takes hard work and both of you must be completely committed to the concept. It is quite a challenge but overall, it has improved my marriage and my life.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband. He is the only person I've ever felt like I could be completely honest with. And I don't think that either of us having relationships (physical or otherwise - it's not like my platonic friendships aren't relationships in their own way) with other people would take away from that. But it's a scary thing to consider as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband. He is the only person I've ever felt like I could be completely honest with. And I don't think that either of us having relationships (physical or otherwise - it's not like my platonic friendships aren't relationships in their own way) with other people would take away from that. But it's a scary thing to consider as well.

That is my thinking on this as well but you will run into difficult, complicated emotions. No one is above jealousy and feeling territorial, feelings of abandonment. We are human and you marriage will be challenged. Nevertheless, for DH and for me, it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband. He is the only person I've ever felt like I could be completely honest with. And I don't think that either of us having relationships (physical or otherwise - it's not like my platonic friendships aren't relationships in their own way) with other people would take away from that. But it's a scary thing to consider as well.

That is my thinking on this as well but you will run into difficult, complicated emotions. No one is above jealousy and feeling territorial, feelings of abandonment. We are human and you marriage will be challenged. Nevertheless, for DH and for me, it is worth it.

I think this is my biggest fear. I would want to know that we would always be each otner's #1. But it also seems unfair to become involved with someone else and from the outset tell them that they were inferior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin and her husband are poly. They each have another partner and they all live together, kids included. Seems to work for them and shockingly they are pretty normal and relatable people. I think the key for them is that they don't have much of a physical connection anymore but they retain and immense emotional and parental one. They get physical and more emotional needs met from the additional respective partners.

I would really worry about these kids. What role model do they have for forming a stable, committed, forsaking-all-others relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband. He is the only person I've ever felt like I could be completely honest with. And I don't think that either of us having relationships (physical or otherwise - it's not like my platonic friendships aren't relationships in their own way) with other people would take away from that. But it's a scary thing to consider as well.

That is my thinking on this as well but you will run into difficult, complicated emotions. No one is above jealousy and feeling territorial, feelings of abandonment. We are human and you marriage will be challenged. Nevertheless, for DH and for me, it is worth it.

I think this is my biggest fear. I would want to know that we would always be each otner's #1. But it also seems unfair to become involved with someone else and from the outset tell them that they were inferior.

I don't consider my other relationships inferior. I also don't like to consider myself #1. I prefer to envision our other relationships as unique and special in their own way. DH and I have tons of history together. We share children, a house, pets, stability. In my other relationships, I have new relationship energy, a different type of passion, fun, excitement. Our time together is exciting. There is plenty of room for jealousy and envy on both sides. It takes a lot of effort to keep things balanced. The main thing is to make sure your spouse always feels treasured.

I am not trying to sell you on this. I do not think it is for everyone but I do think it can be a great thing for some.

[Anonymous]

The "Dear Sugar" podcast did a fascinating episode on polyamory recently. I highly recommend it. I used it as a springboard to start a discussion with my partner, and we had a very intense, productive discussion about it.

http://www.wbur.org/2015/04/04/dear-sugar-episode-eight

[Anonymous]

I think that this is a wonderful option for the emotionally handicapped.

[Anonymous]

BTDT.

In all honesty I've found that any woman willing to get involved with a married couple had major problems.

Good luck. I wish these kind of things work out, but they dont. The main thing it has taught us is that we both married well because people out there are nuts. Having a few poly relationships has really strengthend our marriage, so I can say that part has been great and of course some unbelievable sex.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there a show about this? Watch that.

[Anonymous]

I've been in an open marriage for over 20 years. I've had a number of partners and all of them not only understood the idea but supported my marriage. They understood that my relationship with them depended on my relationship with my wife. Many have helped me get through rough times and overall made my marriage stronger. My wife understood who I am when she married and she valued that. It worked
out well for us.
Most people I know in open or poly marriages that divorce do so for other reasons (money, honesty, kids etc). Open marriage seems to actually remove more points of contention than it solves.

[Anonymous]

I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

See above.

[Anonymous]

Not natural? Really. I seem to recall quite a few major biblical figures with wives and concubines - long term I believe although I am no expert.