polyamory

[Anonymous]

We are not "out." My kids were older when we began this and everything I have read indicates that younger kids can adjust but older kids will struggle a great deal with it and we have not wanted to put them through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you marrieds "out" as poly? Do your kids know? Or do people think your BF/GF is just a friend?

We are out-ish. We are completely out in our circle of friends, and to 2 sets of parents (Husband's and Boyfriend's). Telling my parents will likely mean the end of our relationship, and I haven't been able to pull the trigger just yet. Our one child is still a baby, but we don't want her to have to keep our "secret". I will probably come out to my parents in the next year or two. I have never been comfortable with the idea of pretending my boyfriend is just a friend. I feel like it'd be completely disrespectful to our relationship, and his status as a member of our family.

Good luck. I know this part can be hard. I hope your parents are more open minded than you expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.

I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.

She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.

did you two report your lifestyle on the SF86? sounds like a major opportunity for blackmail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

you might not be familiar with the reasoning, but the fact is that many many more people cheat than have polyamorous relationships. it could be that poly people are the ones who have really figured it out... or it could be that they are wackos who are either in denial of their own feelings (jealousy etc) or, worse yet, don't have them. in any case, this is a very mall fraction of the population that is perverted in the most fundamental sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

I see where she's coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

you might not be familiar with the reasoning, but the fact is that many many more people cheat than have polyamorous relationships. it could be that poly people are the ones who have really figured it out... or it could be that they are wackos who are either in denial of their own feelings (jealousy etc) or, worse yet, don't have them. in any case, this is a very mall fraction of the population that is perverted in the most fundamental sense.

Ok. Well, if my choice is between being a total perv and being lied to and played for a fool, then I guess I'll go with "perv."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

you might not be familiar with the reasoning, but the fact is that many many more people cheat than have polyamorous relationships. it could be that poly people are the ones who have really figured it out... or it could be that they are wackos who are either in denial of their own feelings (jealousy etc) or, worse yet, don't have them. in any case, this is a very mall fraction of the population that is perverted in the most fundamental sense.

Ok. Well, if my choice is between being a total perv and being lied to and played for a fool, then I guess I'll go with "perv."

most people don't know they have cheaters on their hands, while perverts actually choose other perverts. but even so, i would take a plain ol' cheater over an "enlightened" pervert any day of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

you might not be familiar with the reasoning, but the fact is that many many more people cheat than have polyamorous relationships. it could be that poly people are the ones who have really figured it out... or it could be that they are wackos who are either in denial of their own feelings (jealousy etc) or, worse yet, don't have them. in any case, this is a very mall fraction of the population that is perverted in the most fundamental sense.

Ok. Well, if my choice is between being a total perv and being lied to and played for a fool, then I guess I'll go with "perv."

most people don't know they have cheaters on their hands, while perverts actually choose other perverts. but even so, i would take a plain ol' cheater over an "enlightened" pervert any day of the year.

And in all likelihood that is exactly what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, before you start dating other people, you need to give your spouse the opportunity to veto or divorce.

+1

If it's not in the open and agreed upon, you're not poly, you're just cheating.

i would 100% prefer that my husband cheats on me vs. suggest we do "polyamory". cheating shows respect and also desire to preserve relationships as it is.

Whoa. That's a new one!

you might not be familiar with the reasoning, but the fact is that many many more people cheat than have polyamorous relationships. it could be that poly people are the ones who have really figured it out... or it could be that they are wackos who are either in denial of their own feelings (jealousy etc) or, worse yet, don't have them. in any case, this is a very mall fraction of the population that is perverted in the most fundamental sense.

Ok. Well, if my choice is between being a total perv and being lied to and played for a fool, then I guess I'll go with "perv."

+ 1 million

I'm surrounded by love and genuinely happy people, and I have a strong network of friends and family that I've chosen and will do anything they can to see me happy. My husband and I have the freedom to pursue the things and people that make us happy, and we can communicate openly on a level that most people will never understand. You can call me a perv or whatever you want. I'm too busy loving my life to care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you marrieds "out" as poly? Do your kids know? Or do people think your BF/GF is just a friend?

We are out-ish. We are completely out in our circle of friends, and to 2 sets of parents (Husband's and Boyfriend's). Telling my parents will likely mean the end of our relationship, and I haven't been able to pull the trigger just yet. Our one child is still a baby, but we don't want her to have to keep our "secret". I will probably come out to my parents in the next year or two. I have never been comfortable with the idea of pretending my boyfriend is just a friend. I feel like it'd be completely disrespectful to our relationship, and his status as a member of our family.

So who's the baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you marrieds "out" as poly? Do your kids know? Or do people think your BF/GF is just a friend?

We are out-ish. We are completely out in our circle of friends, and to 2 sets of parents (Husband's and Boyfriend's). Telling my parents will likely mean the end of our relationship, and I haven't been able to pull the trigger just yet. Our one child is still a baby, but we don't want her to have to keep our "secret". I will probably come out to my parents in the next year or two. I have never been comfortable with the idea of pretending my boyfriend is just a friend. I feel like it'd be completely disrespectful to our relationship, and his status as a member of our family.

So who's the baby daddy?

I'm going to assume your question is well intentioned. They are both her father. They were both with me through the pregnancy, they were both present at her birth, they have been there during the sleepless nights, and so on. We all know who contributed their genes, but it really doesn't matter. She has three parents and she is loved enormously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you marrieds "out" as poly? Do your kids know? Or do people think your BF/GF is just a friend?

We are out-ish. We are completely out in our circle of friends, and to 2 sets of parents (Husband's and Boyfriend's). Telling my parents will likely mean the end of our relationship, and I haven't been able to pull the trigger just yet. Our one child is still a baby, but we don't want her to have to keep our "secret". I will probably come out to my parents in the next year or two. I have never been comfortable with the idea of pretending my boyfriend is just a friend. I feel like it'd be completely disrespectful to our relationship, and his status as a member of our family.

So who's the baby daddy?

I'm going to assume your question is well intentioned. They are both her father. They were both with me through the pregnancy, they were both present at her birth, they have been there during the sleepless nights, and so on. We all know who contributed their genes, but it really doesn't matter. She has three parents and she is loved enormously.

and someone gave you clearance...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you marrieds "out" as poly? Do your kids know? Or do people think your BF/GF is just a friend?

We are out-ish. We are completely out in our circle of friends, and to 2 sets of parents (Husband's and Boyfriend's). Telling my parents will likely mean the end of our relationship, and I haven't been able to pull the trigger just yet. Our one child is still a baby, but we don't want her to have to keep our "secret". I will probably come out to my parents in the next year or two. I have never been comfortable with the idea of pretending my boyfriend is just a friend. I feel like it'd be completely disrespectful to our relationship, and his status as a member of our family.

So who's the baby daddy?

I'm going to assume your question is well intentioned. They are both her father. They were both with me through the pregnancy, they were both present at her birth, they have been there during the sleepless nights, and so on. We all know who contributed their genes, but it really doesn't matter. She has three parents and she is loved enormously.

No, she doesn't. No matter what you say. She has biological parents who have a screw loose, and a boarder who is along for the ride.