Argument with DH...left me in the car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My assumption is that you have crushed your DHs soul. Most DW are soul crushers. He saw a smiling,happy, attractive juice barista that was nice to him (her job, yes) and he felt alive for a fleeting moment. When he got back in the car, he was back in your soul crushing vise grip, his polarizing emotions caused a flight response for a different life.

I am a DW and that's how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ay yi yi. Married one month and fighting like this? Get counseling. You guys both need to be nicer to each other if you want this marriage to last.

+100 and DON'T have kids until you do

[Anonymous]

Married one month and pulling this crap? You both sound incredibly immature and are in for a tempestuous couple years.

Stop relying on drama and testing each other in order to feel loved. Be grown ups.

[Anonymous]

It is odd that he would tell you what he said to the barista. I could see a guy saying that to a beautiful woman just on the spur of the moment, flirting, but intending it to go nowhere. Whether that is right or wrong when he's married is not my point. Some guys will do that from time to time and not think about it first. What is odd is that most men wouldn't relay that to their wife, if even just out of respect for her feelings.

It is possible he wanted to make you jealous, or used it to start a fight when he's already unhappy about other things. I have another theory though. You said she called him out on flirting with her, essentially. That she said "isn't that your wife you're usually with", or something like that. If she went as far as to say that to him, he full-on flirted with her. He found out where she moved from, what her story was, her age, yadda yadda, AND said she was beautiful. She felt like she was being hit on, or at least strongly flirted with, and pointed out that he had a wife. I wonder if he then realized he went to far (perhaps not intending to), and then got worried that she would tell you next time you were in. Maybe he felt like it was safer to tell you himself than for you to hear it second hand. Just an idea, since you are still wondering why he'd bring it up at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My assumption is that you have crushed your DHs soul. Most DW are soul crushers. He saw a smiling,happy, attractive juice barista that was nice to him (her job, yes) and he felt alive for a fleeting moment. When he got back in the car, he was back in your soul crushing vise grip, his polarizing emotions caused a flight response for a different life.

amen brother.

probably after months of having sex once a month that he had to beg for.

but it was because he didn't communicate

sometimes it is better to pay for sex and not have to deal with the crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, wow. I am really sorry. Halfway through your story, I thought it sounded like he was baiting you into an argument, and by the end of your story it sounded even more like that. Sometimes people need to pick fights in order to get amped enough to deliver the REALLY bad news. I hate to say, it but that is what this sounds like to me. So he wants to separate? Maybe he needed the self-fulfilling prophecy of an argument between you, so he provoked a fight.

I guess all you can do right now is wait until he's calm, ask him again what his intentions are, and request counseling to talk through the issues. I wish you the best. That must have been a hell of a blindsiding.

And no, there is no conceivable good reason for flirting with the smoothie clerk and then telling you about it. WTF.

x2

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a complete asshole. Telling you about his weird little flirtation session with the barista (who, btw, is pretty much contractually obligated to be nice to him) and then leaving you in the car like that, in the middle of the night?

Honey, I would be done. So fucking fast.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you all have some issues. It seems WAY overdramatic to get out of a car in the middle of a thunderstorm and just like...sit on a bench outside in the rain waiting ito be found. It also seems weird that he would tell you about flirting with someone else, even though the being fliratious in and of itself probably wouldn't be a big deal.

Get thee to counseling. You all should still be in the happy butterfly stage. Have to say though, you must have contributed to the fact that the argument didn't even escalate, that he just up and abandoned the car. That (to me) signals that he's been struggling with some emotional issue with the marriage for awhile that is significant. To get that heated over some stupid jealousy argument is cray unless there's some history. Counseling or divorce...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I got into an argument the other night in the car during the bad thunderstorm. He got me a smoothie at our go to place while I was running errands that day. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I thought it was sweet. He started running through a conversation he had with the lady that works at the juice place - telling me a little bit about her, her age etc, and then how he told her she was beautiful. I asked why he would say such a thing, that if I would say the same thing to another man he would be upset. He said it wasn't meant to be a big deal, he was only trying to be funny and friendly. He also said he didn't find her to be attractive and that it wasn't a big deal. I told him how upset I am over this and how uncomfortable it made me feel, and I didn't even know what his intent was for even telling me this but to make me feel bad. He turned the car around and said "So I guess this means you don't want to have dinner." I just kept quiet. After we stopped at a red light at an intersection, he puts the car on park and leaves me in the car. It's raining hard. I don't know where he went And I'm just sitting in the car stranded. I tried to call him a few times but he won't answer his phone. I then go into the driver's seat and drive around looking for him. I go into two stores to see if they've seen him and finally I spot him walking outside the strip mall. I tell him to get in the car, get out of this bad weather and talk about this like adults. He said he's not ready to talk and needs his space. He tells me to go home. I told him I'm not going to just leave him here alone during this bad weather. After much coaxing, he finally gets into the car and we talk things out in the car. He tells me things haven't been good between us and he thinks it would be best if we take a break from each other. I haven't talked to him much over the weekend, trying to give him the space he needs but I'm also really upset and bothered that he would just leave me in the car in the middle of the road like that, and walk away just like that.
I don't know how to proceed.

I'm still struck that, after all this, OPs takeaway is "he left me stranded in the car." OP, that's not a top 5 of your problems here.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a complete asshole. Telling you about his weird little flirtation session with the barista (who, btw, is pretty much contractually obligated to be nice to him) and then leaving you in the car like that, in the middle of the night?

Honey, I would be done. So fucking fast.

it's easy to act tough and pretend to talk big on a discussion board

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a complete asshole. Telling you about his weird little flirtation session with the barista (who, btw, is pretty much contractually obligated to be nice to him) and then leaving you in the car like that, in the middle of the night?

Honey, I would be done. So fucking fast.

it's easy to act tough and pretend to talk big on a discussion board

Pp wouldn't have married your DH. Neither would I but I had a boyfriend like him and was lucky to get out of that relationship with some of my self-esteem intact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he was planning on having the separation conversation with you that night, and like PP said, he needed to psych himself up to do it.

+1 you judt gave him the opportunity sooner in the evening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, wow. I am really sorry. Halfway through your story, I thought it sounded like he was baiting you into an argument, and by the end of your story it sounded even more like that. Sometimes people need to pick fights in order to get amped enough to deliver the REALLY bad news. I hate to say, it but that is what this sounds like to me. So he wants to separate? Maybe he needed the self-fulfilling prophecy of an argument between you, so he provoked a fight.

I guess all you can do right now is wait until he's calm, ask him again what his intentions are, and request counseling to talk through the issues. I wish you the best. That must have been a hell of a blindsiding.

And no, there is no conceivable good reason for flirting with the smoothie clerk and then telling you about it. WTF.

x2

+1. He was looking to pick this fight, baited you with some BS hurtful comment then tried to flip the tables on you and then get to his real point (he's not marriage material and will blame you). Run.

[Anonymous]

The barista was beautiful because she was kind to him, and showed interested in conversation. She probably didn't tell him what to say, how to act or what to think.

Value your spouse as an individual or divorce. Trying to control them is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, but your husband had no business telling another woman she is beautiful. (Unless she is over 90). Why would he consider that to be "funny and friendly...??!"

If a married man told me I was beautiful, I would be creeped out. And I would also feel sorry for his wifey.

So inappropriate.

What I don't get is why he told you this. What is his motive? The incentive...???? It's like he was deliberately picking a fight with you for some odd reason. You didn't have a choice, he chose YOUR battle here.

I would try to figure this out because it sounds to me as if he wants a break, and decided to devise a plan on how to segue into getting it.

He didn't have to go through all the semantics first, you could have done without the dog and pony show. All he had to tell you was he wanted a break from you.

And he was totally disrespectful toward you by leaving you stranded in the car, without a clue what he would do next.

In all honesty, something weird is going on here regarding your man. Try to figure out what it is.

Good luck.