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The Stigma around AA parents adopting a white baby
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
This is the key thing. People, the reason AA families don't often adopt kids outside their race is that their are so many black kids who need to be adopted! |
Anonymous
Lol. Sounds like what my white friends would say. No matter how close you, as a white person, are to a black person as a friend, you will never be able to understand our experiences and thoughts as the underclass upon whom your privilege is constructed or how we feel about it. I don't even broach these topics with even white friends of over a decade. They will always feel closer to me than I do to them because they just don't get it. |
Anonymous
You are deranged. I have 2 biracial children who look completely like my husband, and yes, I have been mistaken for a nanny. I don't care, because I love my children, just as I love their father. The thought that you would be disgusted by your own children if they looked like your husband is appalling. Why did you marry a white person in the first place? |
Anonymous
What in the world are you blathering about? Where did I say I was disgusted by my own bio children? |
Anonymous
Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes? |
Anonymous
Does your husband "get it"? I really can't figure out why you married him. I'm not knocking you for feeling the way you feel, but why on earth marry a white guy? And set yourself up for having a child you'd be disgusted by to boot? |
Anonymous
You're a sad deranged person and also not an expert on "racial math". In your bigoted short-sighted world biracial children may be black. In my world they're biracial- just as God made them. Also, stop scapegoating black people by hiding behind that label. You want everyone to accept your mentally ill point of view as that of Black America. Sorry, I won't insult AAs that way. The Black people I know are courageous, dignified, smart and as equal to whites. They don't hate white babies because they don't have time for your sort of nonsense. What you really are is an inferior broken person. That's it. And you know it too. |
Anonymous
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Usually there's a presumption towards placing children within families of the same race. There are far more white families who want to adopt than there are available white infants. There are fewer black families who want to adopt then there are available black infants. I suspect that the prevalence of kinship adoption place in there to some extent. Anyway, it seems like a pretty simple numbers game to me.
And as for the white-kid-hating poster… I guess it's fair enough, she's had enough hate heaped upon her in her life that she feels like she needs to add to the hate pool. Sad, but understandable. |
Anonymous
But she married a WHITE MAN! It makes NO SENSE! |
Anonymous
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Its been a long standard protocol to try to match children to families of similar race, culture, religion, etc. The Association for Black Social Workers (or what ever they are called now - I forget) has always advocated against any interracial adoptions, even if it is in a situation like OP has stated where it is clearly in the child's bests interests. Reality is that practice is far easier on the children, especially if the parents choose not to live in a very diverse area. The problem is that there are not enough families that can match the criteria. In our area, there are far more African American children in foster care. In other areas, where there isn't as much diversity, there are significant numbers of white children.
There are significant difference in adopting from foster care from private/agency or international. For foster care, your home study and adoption costs are paid for. For many kids (basically all but white infants in less they have health or part of a sibling group) come with a stipend - in this area it is significant, in other areas, it is minimal, health care and in some states kids even get college tuition paid for, which makes it much more affordable for families who have the love to care for another child but no the financial means. (of course, this can create issues later on keeping kids in basically a foster care status and them realizing their parents are basically getting paid/stipend to raise them). For private, now no matter what race, its extremely costly except for a few agencies or a private adoption where birthparents are reasonable. Many families cannot afford it given the expectation is you pay cash up front or have access to loans, etc. Many African American's consider family to be very different than other cultures. They are much more willing to do an informal/kinship arrangement and may call it an adoption even though it wasn't a legal adoption. So, when it comes to foster-adopt placements, agencies will look at race and other factors when making a match. Generally they will only place a white child (and it does happen) in an AA or other family if no other white families are available (and this necessarily isn't best for the kids as just because your skin color is the same, it does not mean culturally, religiously or otherwise its the best fit). There are situations where if you have an open minded AA family who is accepting of race and culture, a white child would be far better off with them, than a white family of an opposite culture who will not support the child in their own culture, religion, etc. Unfortunately, race comes first. With private, obviously the birthparents can pick and while most go for a similar family as to their own, some purposely choose the opposite hoping to give their child a better life than what they had. One primary issue with foster-adopt that is often overlooked is that kids are removed for a reason - most of the families have significant mental health or substance abuse issues along with a poor childhood where they were never taught the things needed to be a successful adult. Many foster-adopt families are not equipped to deal with the abuse and neglect as well as other issues that come along with a child who may have a genetic predisposition to mental health or substance abuse issues even if they are showing no signs in childhood. Good for that family OP. They will probably give that child a wonderful life where he/she is loved, wanted and has a strong sense of identity. To the racist poster: Please do not have children with your white husband. Your children will be bi-racial and internalize your hate for whites. How do you think that will make them feel about themselves to have a mother who hates the skin color of her husband/their father and they are 1/2 that culture. And, do not adopt. You will not be able to love a child the way they need to be loved nor be willing to provide them their culture, religion, etc. in a way that is beneficial to them. Please use a sperm donor and keep your blood lines pure. And, the poster who made a comment about Jews not adopting German children - there are many Jews that were German - that makes no sense. Granted, most of the Jews were murdered. For Jews, it is not so much about the country, but culture and blood lines (or you need to convert your child if you are religious). |
Anonymous
My husband gets it as much as he possibly can. I broke up with him half a dozen times before we were married because I didn't feel up to the task of helping him get it. He refused to leave though and fought for our relationship. Even then, I don't think he truly got it until we had children and President Obama came to power. Seeing how that biracial man is crapped all over by white people made him realize that black is black is black no matter what percentage and white people will always have a problem with black people. If a biracial man with a Harvard law degree who was raised by white people and became *President* isn't good enough because of his black blood, that shows how deep this racial thing is in America. He also sees how people treat me as a black mother. I am attractive, well educated, well spoken and nice, but that doesn't matter because I belong to the much-maligned demographic known as black mothers. In short, the struggles that black people have are now personalized for him. Most white people will never have this daily front row seat, however, or the kind of skin the game that my husband does. |
Anonymous
Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that. |
Anonymous
Oh, okay. Since you say so. |
Anonymous
The truth is shocking, isn't it?! |