The Stigma around AA parents adopting a white baby

[Anonymous]

The legacy of slavery goes on and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

And the ignorance continues... For one, I'm not Caucasian. But, that's beside the point. You want affirmation from the parents who abandoned you and the white man who has exploited you. You could care a less about yellow-haired pink kids, except you desperately want to look like them. You can't and so you attack. That is how you've learned to cope. But, that sort of "coping" never produces longterm results. You remain empty inside and you seek whatever venue you can to feel a sense of worthiness. Today it's DCUM, tomorrow it'll be something else.

You write so eloquently about this because it is how you feel. You want to be white very badly, don't you?

I'm a sociologist of Asian descent and I'm incredibly proud of my heritage and glad to be surrounded by well-rounded confident content people of all races and backgrounds. We've gone far as a group because we're focused on ourselves and bettering the community around us. We don't blame others for our shortcomings or project hatred on others because of our lack of self-worth. I would love to be a white woman, or a black woman or whatever woman because I find them all beautiful. Alas, I'm especially grateful to be Asian and see our own unique beauty. It would be juvenile of me to describe women or children for that matter of other backgrounds as "ugly" or some other demeaning way. It would show how poorly I must feel about myself. That is what you've done here. You are unhappy in your own skin and until you confront that you'll be an empty person going through life aimlessly and miserably. Also, your husband sounds like an empty person as well. He's clinging to you, as you've described, to seek anything that will give him value. Mistakenly, he's sought that from someone who doesn't respect him or his heritage. You all have a very sick relationship indeed. Best of luck you!

As a sociologist myself, I'm disappointed to see you deliver this psychological analysis of a person whom you don't even know except through a few posts on this thread. You don't have sufficient data to make these assertions about her. I imagine you don't care about my opinion but I don't want the other readers of this thread to assume that this is the kind of thing sociologists normally do. That is, we don't psychoanalyze people, and we especially don't do it based on such flimsy data.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, there's a psychologist that can make me stop feeling the effects of racism? Will they make my white neighbors acknowledge me and my child and stop avoiding us on the playground? Will they stop the white salespeople from following me around in the store? Will they stop the police officers that harass me for simply existing? Will I finally be able to catch a cab now?

You're projecting again. And it's hurting you more than the white people you hate. Instead of spending time on them, focus on yourself. Make yourself the most stellar "you" you can be. This nonsense about catching cabs and police is just a smokescreen. You're trying to find a way to blame others for your life. Scapegoating white infants is especially pathetic. I encourage you, spend one half hour with an AA female psychologist. Most I know offer a free introductory session. You'll leave at least knowing that your abhorrence of white children is just a cover for the deep-seated pain you have for being black in America. That pain has made you as bad as the people who have been prejudiced against you. Bigotry and racism are always the anomaly. We treat them as the norm, but that's the ill within our culture based upon centuries of racism. Actually bigots and racists are mentally unstable. With your hatred of white children, you're right along with them. The good news is, that can all be changed with the right mental health help.

I am a AA female psychologist.

NP. If I needed a psychologist, I would not want you. I am the poster who said I feel inferior to no one. I am not the poster who does not want to raise white children. I have white people in y family. But you are way off the reservation if you think that Black women feel or are inferior to anyone. As I said earlier, speak for your damn self. You state that you are A female AA. And you state that AA women feel inferior. Who in the hell would seek professional help from someone as screwed up as you. Not to mention that just about everything you said is psycho babble bullshit that a,outs to nothing.

You would only want a psychologist who would tell you what you want to hear? There's many who will take your money for just that. Where does that leave you, though. A little more broke in the wallet and still emotionally broken. A lose-lose. Instead of knee-jerk reacting and pulling out all of your defensive stops, why don't you slow down and ingest things for a minute. I think you'd agree that many Black women are broken due to the racist ills of society- lack of standing, running homes without father figures to rely on, job market discrimination, etc... The toll this takes is manifest in anger. But, the anger destroys the Black woman more than the oppressive forces. And as the anger ensues and marinates, hatred results. When you pull back the layers, you'll find that Black women have largely internalized the sense of inferiority placed upon them. If you didn't feel inferior, you would have zero interest in furthering a conversation about objectifying white infants. Any adult, regardless of color, would naturally be repulsed by a discussion of scapegoating any child period. Yet, many posters find this behavior okay. Those women feel inferior and so they are taking it out on the most vulnerable of our species- children. So, perhaps you feel as equal to white people as they feel about themselves. I do as well. I'm perfectly content in my own skin and love all people. Am I perfect, of course not. But, I'm perfectly happy and would embrace any child or any background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Noone has ever suggested that to me, but I do suggest you fly home if you can't handle the reality of living in this country. The situation between black and white people has been going on for centuries long before you or your parents volunteered to come over here. You or your family chose to come here, no one asked you too. And since you're first generation you shouldn't have too much problem going back.

Well, let me suggest it to you. I handle myself quite well in this country and have nothing to complain about, because I don't tend to blame my shortcomings on history long gone. This is the most tolerant society in the world. Perhaps, if you traveled, you'd have more perspective. Keep on hatin', and I'll keep enjoying my privileged life

[Anonymous]

If there is a GOD, she will look down upon this mother and this family with grace and deem that they have done good and helped a poor child in need, who had no one in this world. this child will be raised with an unusual perspective and develop a keen intelligence and empathy to others from different backgrounds. Adoption is a gift, and I hope this family is able to filter out the comments and enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Your comparison of yourself to a slave is what is absurd here.

If I post a picture of a rape victim, does it make sense to say, "why would any woman want to have sex again? do you think the woman in this picture liked being penetrated against her will?"

If I post a picture of Sally Hemmings, whom genetics has proven bore children to Thomas Jefferson, does it make sense for me to say, "how could any black woman choose to have sex with a white man after so many white slave owners used and abused (and raped) their slaves?"

How does it make any sense that you married a white man, who is identical in so many respects to the worst of your oppressors, past and present?

You're arguing with someone who is damaged. Moot at best. This poster has the corrupted notion that she's avenging AA slaves by espousing bigoted views of white children. She's really doing a disservice to both. Also, I have to comment on the picture that PP posted. What I see is a strong black woman in that photo rising above the denigration of her breast being exposed. Somewhat like Sojourner Truth in "Ain't I a Woman". This black woman is so much more woman than all of us. And if we could speak to her I doubt she'd place blame on the infant. The strength of these women is unparalleled and our 1st world problems don't compare. Ironically, you have this obviously weak poor excuse for a woman, purporting to be black, attempting to so-called avenge black women slaves. What a joke! Lady, you don't deserve to breathe the same air as them. You're much to weak to represent them. And a disgrace. How cheap to belittle white babies to make yourself feel better. You're just sad and an embarrassment to all of the strong black women who show us what real strength and power are. Hating children doesn't apply.

I never once said that I hate white children. I'm sure that I could be fond of someone else's white child, but I could never love one as my own.

Different poster here. Yes, I'm finding this quite bizarre. There's at least one and probably more posters who are trying to portray this poster (maybe you, pp?) as some kind of monster who hates white children. That is a heavily distorted cartoon version of what the poster said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

So sleeping with your husband doesn't remind you too much of playing whore to a lazy slave owner?

I really hope the poster comes back to answer this...I REALLY would love to hear her response! Good question pp!

+1 and what if one of your kids looks just like his father? Can you not take care of your child because because he looks white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am black and don't believe any of the crap you just spewed, especially about being a black person. Nutty troll!

+1. Another +1. This troll definitely does not represent Black women.

If someone feels that way, instead of commenting, go adopt. Its easy to proclaim that white have no business adopting blacks, but reality is these kids need homes and if no one else is available its better for a different race vs. a child growing up in foster care or group home.
Wow, some of you work really hard on being obtuse! No one is telling the psycho troll to adopt a white baby. She's being told that judging others for doing so on the basis of children's skin tone is twisted. Not everybody is interested in adoption of any babies, stop changing the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who are invoking biracial children must be facetious. You know full well that white + black = black. Your white kids have nothing to do with my black kids of mixed parentage.

not true. did you just wake up from the 60s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comparison of yourself to a slave is what is absurd here.

If I post a picture of a rape victim, does it make sense to say, "why would any woman want to have sex again? do you think the woman in this picture liked being penetrated against her will?"

If I post a picture of Sally Hemmings, whom genetics has proven bore children to Thomas Jefferson, does it make sense for me to say, "how could any black woman choose to have sex with a white man after so many white slave owners used and abused (and raped) their slaves?"

How does it make any sense that you married a white man, who is identical in so many respects to the worst of your oppressors, past and present?

You're arguing with someone who is damaged. Moot at best. This poster has the corrupted notion that she's avenging AA slaves by espousing bigoted views of white children. She's really doing a disservice to both. Also, I have to comment on the picture that PP posted. What I see is a strong black woman in that photo rising above the denigration of her breast being exposed. Somewhat like Sojourner Truth in "Ain't I a Woman". This black woman is so much more woman than all of us. And if we could speak to her I doubt she'd place blame on the infant. The strength of these women is unparalleled and our 1st world problems don't compare. Ironically, you have this obviously weak poor excuse for a woman, purporting to be black, attempting to so-called avenge black women slaves. What a joke! Lady, you don't deserve to breathe the same air as them. You're much to weak to represent them. And a disgrace. How cheap to belittle white babies to make yourself feel better. You're just sad and an embarrassment to all of the strong black women who show us what real strength and power are. Hating children doesn't apply.

I never once said that I hate white children. I'm sure that I could be fond of someone else's white child, but I could never love one as my own.

Different poster here. Yes, I'm finding this quite bizarre. There's at least one and probably more posters who are trying to portray this poster (maybe you, pp?) as some kind of monster who hates white children. That is a heavily distorted cartoon version of what the poster said.

She referred to white children as spoiled and then commented on their hair and skin color in a demeaning manner. Try reading before you start shit-stirring.

[Anonymous]

OK, funny story. My mother is also a psychologist, and she does think black Americans have somewhat of an inferiority complex. So I totally buy what people say on this thread. Apparently, this opinion does exist. The strong reaction to it suggests there must be at least some truth to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Noone has ever suggested that to me, but I do suggest you fly home if you can't handle the reality of living in this country. The situation between black and white people has been going on for centuries long before you or your parents volunteered to come over here. You or your family chose to come here, no one asked you too. And since you're first generation you shouldn't have too much problem going back.

Well, let me suggest it to you. I handle myself quite well in this country and have nothing to complain about, because I don't tend to blame my shortcomings on history long gone. This is the most tolerant society in the world. Perhaps, if you traveled, you'd have more perspective. Keep on hatin', and I'll keep enjoying my privileged life

This is why African immigrants continue to do much better than African Americans. African Americans have too much baggage and always blame their shortcomings on slavery. It's pathetic. Black Africans come over, stick together, acquire jobs, develop skills and better their families- all without the chip on their shoulder. AAs should try to learn from them vs. hating them!

Ha ha ha! I'm one of the posters who wouldn't adopt a white child. I am an African immigrant. That's probably why my biracial child looks completely Black.

I'm more tolerant than most of my family. They're traditional, and would never consider marrying a white person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who are invoking biracial children must be facetious. You know full well that white + black = black. Your white kids have nothing to do with my black kids of mixed parentage.

not true. did you just wake up from the 60s?

Well, I sure as hell hope my "white" and asian kids don't have anything to do with YOUR kids (my guess you have instilled such bigotry and hatred into them that they wouldn't want to hang out with my "privileged" children so it is most likely moot), but they sure have fun inviting their friends of all races over to our house most weekends. Lady you reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You're reporting the legacy of slavery to the admin?

Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes?

Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that.

Okay, so that's not particularly attractive, I see your point. But given what it's like to grow up AA in this country, I totally understand why she would feel that way. Plus she's talking in the abstract. It doesn't seem to be a factor in her relationship with her family members.

For example, I was born in the 50s and when I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I wanted a boy. Even though my kid was born in the 90s, I didn't know if I could be fair to a boy who would come into the world with a lot more advantages just due to his gender and because when I was young, being a girl was like a punishment. (Didn't watch Madmen for years because I didn't want to be reminded of that.) I had a girl so the point is moot but I'm sure that if I'd had a boy I'd get over my concern and love that kid with all my heart. But I could see saying something negative about baby boys in the abstract, given my history. That's how I view the pp's assertion about white children.

I don't think some people realize the damage that was done to a lot of people over the years having to grow up in a world that systematically provides advantages to people of a certain racial/ethnic background (and class as well but we'll stick with race/ethnicity here). Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that all that is in the past now. I can understand why she would still be angry.

I'm the PP who reported the bitch. AA in this country need to remember that not everybody's ancestors here had something to do with the legacy of slavery. Yes, surprise-surprise, diversity goes both ways. Many ways, actually. I'm a first generation immigrant, and I--don't--want--to--hear--about--any--slavery--shit--EVER. Keep it for old money folks in Virginia.

Slavery is the history and legacy of this country. If you cannot handle it, then you should return to wherever you came from. You have no right to tell people whose families have been in this country farrrr longer than yours that we should simply not speak of what happened to our ancestors. You and your family chose to come over here, that's not our problem.

+1 . How can you be so ignorant to dismiss the history of this country as irrelevant to current affairs ?
and I'm an immigrant myself, BTW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comparison of yourself to a slave is what is absurd here.

If I post a picture of a rape victim, does it make sense to say, "why would any woman want to have sex again? do you think the woman in this picture liked being penetrated against her will?"

If I post a picture of Sally Hemmings, whom genetics has proven bore children to Thomas Jefferson, does it make sense for me to say, "how could any black woman choose to have sex with a white man after so many white slave owners used and abused (and raped) their slaves?"

How does it make any sense that you married a white man, who is identical in so many respects to the worst of your oppressors, past and present?

You're arguing with someone who is damaged. Moot at best. This poster has the corrupted notion that she's avenging AA slaves by espousing bigoted views of white children. She's really doing a disservice to both. Also, I have to comment on the picture that PP posted. What I see is a strong black woman in that photo rising above the denigration of her breast being exposed. Somewhat like Sojourner Truth in "Ain't I a Woman". This black woman is so much more woman than all of us. And if we could speak to her I doubt she'd place blame on the infant. The strength of these women is unparalleled and our 1st world problems don't compare. Ironically, you have this obviously weak poor excuse for a woman, purporting to be black, attempting to so-called avenge black women slaves. What a joke! Lady, you don't deserve to breathe the same air as them. You're much to weak to represent them. And a disgrace. How cheap to belittle white babies to make yourself feel better. You're just sad and an embarrassment to all of the strong black women who show us what real strength and power are. Hating children doesn't apply.

I never once said that I hate white children. I'm sure that I could be fond of someone else's white child, but I could never love one as my own.

Different poster here. Yes, I'm finding this quite bizarre. There's at least one and probably more posters who are trying to portray this poster (maybe you, pp?) as some kind of monster who hates white children. That is a heavily distorted cartoon version of what the poster said.

She referred to white children as spoiled and then commented on their hair and skin color in a demeaning manner. Try reading before you start shit-stirring.

I did read that. I still didn't see a monster who hates white children.