The Stigma around AA parents adopting a white baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You can report me if you want. It does not change anything. Believe it or not, but black people see how white people treat us and our children in this country and it affects how we feel about you and your children. Deal with it.

Thankfully, I deal with enough black people to know better. I'm sorry you were abused and decided to take it out on others. You are a very sad human being indeed.

Lol. Sounds like what my white friends would say. No matter how close you, as a white person, are to a black person as a friend, you will never be able to understand our experiences and thoughts as the underclass upon whom your privilege is constructed or how we feel about it. I don't even broach these topics with even white friends of over a decade. They will always feel closer to me than I do to them because they just don't get it.

You are deranged. I have 2 biracial children who look completely like my husband, and yes, I have been mistaken for a nanny. I don't care, because I love my children, just as I love their father. The thought that you would be disgusted by your own children if they looked like your husband is appalling. Why did you marry a white person in the first place?

What in the world are you blathering about? Where did I say I was disgusted by my own bio children?

You said you would be if they looked white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine adopted a white infant. She and her husband are both black, and they have two biological children. She hadn't planned on adopting but she ended up in a situation where the baby practically fell into her lap and she obviously got attached. Parental ties were cut, and she legally adopted the child right before her first birthday.

I knew it wasn't common, but was surprised at the shitstorm it caused from the white and black community. She's some some nastiness in a "progressive" area. She said she hasn't found a single other black family who has adopted, let alone a child not within their own rase.

Why is this so unheard of? I know some people have issues with anyone adopting outside their race, or adoption in general but this is an entirely different level of ridiculousness she's faced.

I can see people pushing back on it for a couple of reasons. 1) White babies are hard to come by and many white families would have liked to have that baby. Jealousy makes people nasty. 2) There are many AA children who languish in foster care and need adoptive parents. If AA families don't adopt them, who will?

That said... fuck it. Your friend loves her child and there is no reason to apologize to anybody for anything. The two reasons I listed don't take into account your friend's particular circumstances. Life takes strange turns and she doesn't have to explain this turn to anybody but her baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You can report me if you want. It does not change anything. Believe it or not, but black people see how white people treat us and our children in this country and it affects how we feel about you and your children. Deal with it.

Thankfully, I deal with enough black people to know better. I'm sorry you were abused and decided to take it out on others. You are a very sad human being indeed.

Lol. Sounds like what my white friends would say. No matter how close you, as a white person, are to a black person as a friend, you will never be able to understand our experiences and thoughts as the underclass upon whom your privilege is constructed or how we feel about it. I don't even broach these topics with even white friends of over a decade. They will always feel closer to me than I do to them because they just don't get it.

You are deranged. I have 2 biracial children who look completely like my husband, and yes, I have been mistaken for a nanny. I don't care, because I love my children, just as I love their father. The thought that you would be disgusted by your own children if they looked like your husband is appalling. Why did you marry a white person in the first place?

What in the world are you blathering about? Where did I say I was disgusted by my own bio children?

You said you would be if they looked white.

Sheesh, keep your posters straight, lol. One of my children does look white. Doesn't matter because she is first and foremost MINE. Someone else's white kid can kick rocks, however.

[Anonymous]

Bigoted lady, is this lady black enough for you? What is she, a normal human being since she's obviously black, or evil because she is German?

http://www.haaretz.com/jewish-world/jewish-world-features/1.640997

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

[Anonymous]

I did know a young bi-racial woman who was 'returned' from a pending adoption by a white family, because her skin was darkening. She ended up with another white family that adored and raised her well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine adopted a white infant. She and her husband are both black, and they have two biological children. She hadn't planned on adopting but she ended up in a situation where the baby practically fell into her lap and she obviously got attached. Parental ties were cut, and she legally adopted the child right before her first birthday.

I knew it wasn't common, but was surprised at the shitstorm it caused from the white and black community. She's some some nastiness in a "progressive" area. She said she hasn't found a single other black family who has adopted, let alone a child not within their own rase.

Why is this so unheard of? I know some people have issues with anyone adopting outside their race, or adoption in general but this is an entirely different level of ridiculousness she's faced.

I can see people pushing back on it for a couple of reasons. 1) White babies are hard to come by and many white families would have liked to have that baby. Jealousy makes people nasty. 2) There are many AA children who languish in foster care and need adoptive parents. If AA families don't adopt them, who will?

That said... fuck it. Your friend loves her child and there is no reason to apologize to anybody for anything. The two reasons I listed don't take into account your friend's particular circumstances. Life takes strange turns and she doesn't have to explain this turn to anybody but her baby.

It not so much the race on why kids languish but their special needs - mental health, health, academics, attitude, etc. Very few families are really equipped financially and emotionally to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

My husband gets it as much as he possibly can. I broke up with him half a dozen times before we were married because I didn't feel up to the task of helping him get it. He refused to leave though and fought for our relationship. Even then, I don't think he truly got it until we had children and President Obama came to power. Seeing how that biracial man is crapped all over by white people made him realize that black is black is black no matter what percentage and white people will always have a problem with black people. If a biracial man with a Harvard law degree who was raised by white people and became *President* isn't good enough because of his black blood, that shows how deep this racial thing is in America. He also sees how people treat me as a black mother. I am attractive, well educated, well spoken and nice, but that doesn't matter because I belong to the much-maligned demographic known as black mothers. In short, the struggles that black people have are now personalized for him. Most white people will never have this daily front row seat, however, or the kind of skin the game that my husband does.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Those people are Aholes. You do realize that many other white people voted for and respect the POTUS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

You are welcome to find any children unattractive -- although it's usually not considered polite to say so. If your DH is fine with your attitude, great! But please give serious consideration to these feelings before having children with him. If one or more of your children ends up looking unattractive, will you be able to see beyond that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

You don't think white babies are cute but you think white men are cute, considering you married one of them? When you look at your husband's childhood photos, are you thinking "boy, what an ugly baby!"?!?!

It's actually funny you ask this because DH's mother is always carrying on about what a cute kid DH was. I feel nothing when I look at the baby photos she is always thrusting at me though. Neither DH nor his siblings are even one third as cute as the kids in my family. White adults are better than white kids IMO, although I don't particularly like white adults either. I love DH and the white men I dated before him were great, but my feeling is not extended to the rest of the race.

Damn, Gina. I actually was seeing your point til this comment.

Holy shit. I know who posted the white hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

What is scary is even if you are not for real, there are plenty of people who feel the way you do and how tragic for your kids. Very few white kids are natural blonds or pink. And, hair and eye color can change. My child had blue eyes for 3 years and then they changed to brown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My husband gets it as much as he possibly can. I broke up with him half a dozen times before we were married because I didn't feel up to the task of helping him get it. He refused to leave though and fought for our relationship. Even then, I don't think he truly got it until we had children and President Obama came to power. Seeing how that biracial man is crapped all over by white people made him realize that black is black is black no matter what percentage and white people will always have a problem with black people. If a biracial man with a Harvard law degree who was raised by white people and became *President* isn't good enough because of his black blood, that shows how deep this racial thing is in America. He also sees how people treat me as a black mother. I am attractive, well educated, well spoken and nice, but that doesn't matter because I belong to the much-maligned demographic known as black mothers. In short, the struggles that black people have are now personalized for him. Most white people will never have this daily front row seat, however, or the kind of skin the game that my husband does.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Those people are Aholes. You do realize that many other white people voted for and respect the POTUS?

President Obama would not be president if all white people were that racist. Your posts logically make no sense. Maybe people look at you funny because of what you saw and who you are rather than the color of your skin. I can't imagine why your husband would put up with that non-sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

You don't think white babies are cute but you think white men are cute, considering you married one of them? When you look at your husband's childhood photos, are you thinking "boy, what an ugly baby!"?!?!

It's actually funny you ask this because DH's mother is always carrying on about what a cute kid DH was. I feel nothing when I look at the baby photos she is always thrusting at me though. Neither DH nor his siblings are even one third as cute as the kids in my family. White adults are better than white kids IMO, although I don't particularly like white adults either. I love DH and the white men I dated before him were great, but my feeling is not extended to the rest of the race.

Damn, Gina. I actually was seeing your point til this comment.

Holy shit. I know who posted the white hate.

Which one? I count at least three white hating posters. I am keeping track of them according to their kids ha ha. One has tan kids, one has a white-looking kid, there is one who hasn't said anything about his/her kids yet.

[Anonymous]

We are white and have an adopted black daughter. When we were in our parenting class with our adoption agency there were 2 other black couples that were adopting.
We are in touch with 1 of them and they have a blk/hisp daughter.
I think black people probably adopt more than we think, but because they adopt black kids its less obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did know a young bi-racial woman who was 'returned' from a pending adoption by a white family, because her skin was darkening. She ended up with another white family that adored and raised her well.

It goes both ways. I know a couple who initially refused an African American child because they were worried he'd be too dark skinned. Fortunately, they came to their senses and adopted him. Birth mom was adamant she wanted an African American couple and it was amazing how the agency claimed they could not find any for a healthy, cute kid who had a decent family background. It worked out very well. Child is thriving in their home and parents are great parents.