Interracial couples, is your spouse oblivious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know - but it may be a man/woman thing or it might just be your DH.

I am White and DH is AA. I am keenly aware of some of the issues that he and my bi-racial DS face. I have witnessed some personally.

My DH is LEO so he has a different perspective on some things and does not dwell on race generally. He feels that he is a big boy and can take care of himself. But even he agonizes about how our DS is perceived in the world. Being his mom, I feel it too.

How does it feel to have a kid who will never identify with you or anyone you're related to?

What are you talking about? My kid is bi-racial and is proud of his AA and White roots. He identifies with both and is close to both sides of his family. In fact, it is folks like you that characterize him as AA. If you asked him he would say he is bi-racial.

Your kid may identify as bi-racial, but unfortunately in the U.S. your son is black.

Pretty much. These desperate White chicks who like to separate the children by black men from black people are funny. If the police are looking for a black man, you had better keep your son indoors because they will snatch him and beat his black ass. He might as well be as black as Wesley Snipes in "one drop rule" America.

PP here. Not sure I even know how to deal with this statement other than to repeat what I said in my first post. That I am very aware of what my AA and bi-racial son deal with every day and I know how society perceives my son. I certainly do not try to separate him from Black people. Not at all. My son has a Black parent and a White parent, is well connected with both our familes and is comfortable with who he is. But you are proving the point that it is others, both Black and White, that are not comfortable. You have the one drop exactly right which is why I am aware of things.

These others are in the majority. As a parent of a biracial child, I have to say that it is dangerous to be a pollyanna about race in this country. Even if he walked around holding a "my mother is white" sign, it would do him no good. White privilege can't be passed to children who aren't 100% white. You need to prepare him for this reality even if he identifies with both sides of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know - but it may be a man/woman thing or it might just be your DH.

I am White and DH is AA. I am keenly aware of some of the issues that he and my bi-racial DS face. I have witnessed some personally.

My DH is LEO so he has a different perspective on some things and does not dwell on race generally. He feels that he is a big boy and can take care of himself. But even he agonizes about how our DS is perceived in the world. Being his mom, I feel it too.

How does it feel to have a kid who will never identify with you or anyone you're related to?

What are you talking about? My kid is bi-racial and is proud of his AA and White roots. He identifies with both and is close to both sides of his family. In fact, it is folks like you that characterize him as AA. If you asked him he would say he is bi-racial.

Your kid may identify as bi-racial, but unfortunately in the U.S. your son is black.

Pretty much. These desperate White chicks who like to separate the children by black men from black people are funny. If the police are looking for a black man, you had better keep your son indoors because they will snatch him and beat his black ass. He might as well be as black as Wesley Snipes in "one drop rule" America.

Wow. NP here. Some serious delusion and hatred here. You don't even know PP or her kids--you're clearly nuts.

You are the one who is nuts if you don't realize how black people are treated in this country. A black man was shot in Utah while holding a toy gun. His mother was white. Do you think that stopped the police from giving him the black treatment? Biracial is a fictional identity in this country because the one drop rule still holds.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Is the one drop rule still in effect for non-black mixed children? So if I have a half-Asian, half-white son, etc., would he still be considered by others to be Asian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Is the one drop rule still in effect for non-black mixed children? So if I have a half-Asian, half-white son, etc., would he still be considered by others to be Asian?

Honestly, people claim that the "one drop" rule is in effect, but it is really a "one look" rule. So, if your non-white ancestry can be discerned by looking at you, then you will more often than not be categorized as the non-white race, even if you are very light skinned and "almost" passable. This usually doesn't affect you much in day to day society, but every once in a while when white privilege would have otherwise come in handy, you will come up short. Stats show that bosses will offer you less in starting salary than they would a white person, the police will treat you more harshly, and you might have more dating difficulties.

For biracial people who are fully half "other", however, but do not look it at all, the one drop rule does not hold. No one can apply the rule to you if they don't know you have "other" admixture.

For instance, Obama is treated as black because his black blood is clear. Mariah Carey, on the other hand, was marketed as a white woman who could sing (and got heavy marketing accordingly) when she first came out. Only when she identified herself as black did anyone know the difference. Both Mariah Carey and Obama are fully half black. Kristin Kreuk often gets roles usually reserved for white actresses, but Russell Wong was cast virtually exclusively as the Asian guy (back when he had a career). So on and so forth. America goes by look and if America can discern any "other" in you, you will often get less than you should because America is still a very racist place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Is the one drop rule still in effect for non-black mixed children? So if I have a half-Asian, half-white son, etc., would he still be considered by others to be Asian?

Honestly, people claim that the "one drop" rule is in effect, but it is really a "one look" rule. So, if your non-white ancestry can be discerned by looking at you, then you will more often than not be categorized as the non-white race, even if you are very light skinned and "almost" passable. This usually doesn't affect you much in day to day society, but every once in a while when white privilege would have otherwise come in handy, you will come up short. Stats show that bosses will offer you less in starting salary than they would a white person, the police will treat you more harshly, and you might have more dating difficulties.

For biracial people who are fully half "other", however, but do not look it at all, the one drop rule does not hold. No one can apply the rule to you if they don't know you have "other" admixture.

For instance, Obama is treated as black because his black blood is clear. Mariah Carey, on the other hand, was marketed as a white woman who could sing (and got heavy marketing accordingly) when she first came out. Only when she identified herself as black did anyone know the difference. Both Mariah Carey and Obama are fully half black. Kristin Kreuk often gets roles usually reserved for white actresses, but Russell Wong was cast virtually exclusively as the Asian guy (back when he had a career). So on and so forth. America goes by look and if America can discern any "other" in you, you will often get less than you should because America is still a very racist place.

13:24 here. All of this is to say that it really depends on how your son looks. Are his eyes "slanted"? Does he have that bone-straight, dark Asian hair? Does he have the flatter facial bone structure? Even if it is a Caucasian version of an Asian look, if he looks Asian, he will be treated as Asian in society.

[Anonymous]

Interesting, 13:24, and thanks for responding. Another "white" actor comes to mind- Wentworth Miller.

I do indeed have an Asian-white kid and he looks of ambiguous ethnic origin. Will be interesting to see how he's identified by others; I have a feeling it will be white, as he definitely looks whiter than he does Asian, though as I said, it's hard to say what his ethnicity is if you didn't already know.

[Anonymous]

I'm the white person in an interracial couple and the big wake-up realizations I've had are with how people speak to and about my children. For the most part, I think most people think nothing of my children's racial make up, but I have heard things and received questions that just really shocked me, and stung. I think prior to it being my children, I was aware that racism still exists, but it's just different to hear a friend or some one on the news share his/her experience, than it is to hear some one say something ignorant about your child. The intense love and desire to protect your children just really ups the intensity of these exchanges for me. The first time some one said something racially charged about my child, I was just so shocked and appalled. I really didn't know what to say or how to respond. I wonder if maybe some one who's experienced this her whole life is less surprised, or better able to respond in the moment, even if it's just as awful.

[Anonymous]

If I see a while woman walking with a member of an invader tribe, I'll at least stare viciously, if not worse.

[Anonymous]

Mariah careys dad is actually a venezuelan black and mom is irish. Shes multiracial. If you need to see beautiful mixed people latinos are it. Adriana lima is african swedish native south american

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, 13:24, and thanks for responding. Another "white" actor comes to mind- Wentworth Miller.

I do indeed have an Asian-white kid and he looks of ambiguous ethnic origin. Will be interesting to see how he's identified by others; I have a feeling it will be white, as he definitely looks whiter than he does Asian, though as I said, it's hard to say what his ethnicity is if you didn't already know.

Yes, I am actually familiar with Wentworth's dad (black man) and Wentworth is definitely a good example of another biracial treated as white by society. People who say the one drop rule holds are not really aware of the millions of biracial people who they think are white and treat accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, 13:24, and thanks for responding. Another "white" actor comes to mind- Wentworth Miller.

I do indeed have an Asian-white kid and he looks of ambiguous ethnic origin. Will be interesting to see how he's identified by others; I have a feeling it will be white, as he definitely looks whiter than he does Asian, though as I said, it's hard to say what his ethnicity is if you didn't already know.

Yes, I am actually familiar with Wentworth's dad (black man) and Wentworth is definitely a good example of another biracial treated as white by society. People who say the one drop rule holds are not really aware of the millions of biracial people who they think are white and treat accordingly.

13:24 (and also 13:46) here. It will be interesting to see how your son is treated once his Asian parent is seen with him and people realize he is half-Asian. I had a "HaPa" friend in college who felt that, when he was growing up, his teachers would treat him differently after meeting his Asian mother at PTA meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mariah careys dad is actually a venezuelan black and mom is irish. Shes multiracial. If you need to see beautiful mixed people latinos are it. Adriana lima is african swedish native south american

Yes, Mariah Carey's dad is Venezuelan, but he looks unambiguously black. There are plenty of black Latinos who have almost full African blood, even more than many African Americans do. She once showed a photo of her dad on a show I was watching and no one would ever mistake him for anything other than black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know - but it may be a man/woman thing or it might just be your DH.

I am White and DH is AA. I am keenly aware of some of the issues that he and my bi-racial DS face. I have witnessed some personally.

My DH is LEO so he has a different perspective on some things and does not dwell on race generally. He feels that he is a big boy and can take care of himself. But even he agonizes about how our DS is perceived in the world. Being his mom, I feel it too.

How does it feel to have a kid who will never identify with you or anyone you're related to?

What are you talking about? My kid is bi-racial and is proud of his AA and White roots. He identifies with both and is close to both sides of his family. In fact, it is folks like you that characterize him as AA. If you asked him he would say he is bi-racial.

Your kid may identify as bi-racial, but unfortunately in the U.S. your son is black.

Pretty much. These desperate White chicks who like to separate the children by black men from black people are funny. If the police are looking for a black man, you had better keep your son indoors because they will snatch him and beat his black ass. He might as well be as black as Wesley Snipes in "one drop rule" America.

PP here. Not sure I even know how to deal with this statement other than to repeat what I said in my first post. That I am very aware of what my AA and bi-racial son deal with every day and I know how society perceives my son. I certainly do not try to separate him from Black people. Not at all. My son has a Black parent and a White parent, is well connected with both our familes and is comfortable with who he is. But you are proving the point that it is others, both Black and White, that are not comfortable. You have the one drop exactly right which is why I am aware of things.

These others are in the majority. As a parent of a biracial child, I have to say that it is dangerous to be a pollyanna about race in this country. Even if he walked around holding a "my mother is white" sign, it would do him no good. White privilege can't be passed to children who aren't 100% white. You need to prepare him for this reality even if he identifies with both sides of him.

Are you guyss actually reading my earlier posts?

[Anonymous]

if you look at the bls.gov stats it will tell you that asians and whites have higher pay vs blacks and hispanics despite them all having the same education and experience. There is definitely something wrong there. Because of that and more similar light skin and straight hair I think asian white couples are seen as more similar. Of course the high wages probably include darker south asians too but those and black white pairings and tanner hispanic pairings are seen more interracial because of physical differences. I was in another forum where a white guy said hed only date asian or white women but put down other races.

[Anonymous]

In about 20 years, our tribes will be at literal war with each other and your "mixed" turdkids will have no place to go.