Interracial couples, is your spouse oblivious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

Let me fix it for you - "Straight white males" are the people who exploited others to achieve their power and they like to take credit that they built every institution in this country

Partially true. Some did, and some were the founders and pioneers who did build this country's institutions and high standards of living.

Don't like it? Hey, with your US passport, the world is an oyster. Go find a better country to thrive and prosper:
http://www.globalallianz.org/visa-free-countries-for-us-citizens/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

Let me fix it for you - "Straight white males" are the people who exploited others to achieve their power and they like to take credit that they built every institution in this country

Partially true. Some did, and some were the founders and pioneers who did build this country's institutions and high standards of living.

Don't like it? Hey, with your US passport, the world is an oyster. Go find a better country to thrive and prosper:
http://www.globalallianz.org/visa-free-countries-for-us-citizens/

Nope. Why should I leave? The one great thing about being a citizen of this country is that I do not have to love everything about it and I can be critical of some aspects of its history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

Let me fix it for you - "Straight white males" are the people who exploited others to achieve their power and they like to take credit that they built every institution in this country

Partially true. Some did, and some were the founders and pioneers who did build this country's institutions and high standards of living.

Don't like it? Hey, with your US passport, the world is an oyster. Go find a better country to thrive and prosper:
http://www.globalallianz.org/visa-free-countries-for-us-citizens/

Defensive straight white male? Who the hell said anything about the founding fathers, god rest their slave owning, non-voting wife having, did it all by their lonesome, bootstrap pulling up, souls.

The point was, I imagine, that OP's spouse can be oblivious to systematic racism because he has the option to not see it, just like PP's spouse can chose not to see sexism in a film. Just like you can chose to derail a thread and ignore the topic at hand. Must be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

Let me fix it for you - "Straight white males" are the people who exploited others to achieve their power and they like to take credit that they built every institution in this country

Well said, by a feminist/third worlder who leeches off everything we built over 400 years and still can't shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

Let me fix it for you - "Straight white males" are the people who exploited others to achieve their power and they like to take credit that they built every institution in this country

Well said, by a feminist/third worlder who leeches off everything we built over 400 years and still can't shut up.

"We?" Were you around building things 400 years ago?

[Anonymous]

I am a mid westerner who has lived and worked in D.C. now for five years. Mount Vernon and the slave quarters were eye opening for me. Some of us with ancestors who are immigrants and settled in ethnic enclaves, do have a difficult time with this idea that as white people, we didn't personally build it ourselves. We did in fact lay the bricks and mortar of the streets, railroads, buildings in our cities. Unlike here in this region of the country, where slaves built it!

The South as a region of the country, really can say, "You didn't build that." They had slaves build it, and later black domestic help.

For other regions of the country farther north and west, immigrants who were poor and not slave owners, built it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mid westerner who has lived and worked in D.C. now for five years. Mount Vernon and the slave quarters were eye opening for me. Some of us with ancestors who are immigrants and settled in ethnic enclaves, do have a difficult time with this idea that as white people, we didn't personally build it ourselves. We did in fact lay the bricks and mortar of the streets, railroads, buildings in our cities. Unlike here in this region of the country, where slaves built it!

The South as a region of the country, really can say, "You didn't build that." They had slaves build it, and later black domestic help.

For other regions of the country farther north and west, immigrants who were poor and not slave owners, built it, too.

In the most prosperous states of the nation, there were no slaves, or blacks. There were crazy immigrants from all over the place, trying to build a better future for their families. And, often displacing if not fighting Native Americans. THEY are the ones who got a raw deal. And the crazy immigrants are the ones who built the country we have, and fought to liberate the slaves.

History is never pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a multicultural marriage but spouse is not AA. She's from Europe.

The only oblivious thing I can think of has to do with language. We are of course raising the kids to be bilingual - but she spoke German to the kids while we were in a bagel shop obviously run by orthodox folks.

They were clearly uncomfortable and I felt really awkward. She was just oblivious. There's a time and place for teaching the kids German, but this clearly wasn't it.

I lived in Israel and no one cared about German being spoken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

You mean how they built everything by using slaves to actually do the building, sharecroppers to farm, denied women and black folks the right to vote and participate in the political process?
Yep, the white man can have credit for all of that ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the white spouse, and I am not oblivious. I admired my black DH's ability to accept what he can't change in others' racism and to be the better person. He is so calm, cool, and collected, that if anyone displayed racism toward him, his coolness would be disarming. I would not have married him if he thought of himself as a victim of racism. He was born a free man, and his mind is not in chains.

What does this even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a multicultural marriage but spouse is not AA. She's from Europe.

The only oblivious thing I can think of has to do with language. We are of course raising the kids to be bilingual - but she spoke German to the kids while we were in a bagel shop obviously run by orthodox folks.

They were clearly uncomfortable and I felt really awkward. She was just oblivious. There's a time and place for teaching the kids German, but this clearly wasn't it.

I lived in Israel and no one cared about German being spoken.

If they were Orthodox and speak or understand Yiddish they might of been listening to see if they understood what was being said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a multicultural marriage but spouse is not AA. She's from Europe.

The only oblivious thing I can think of has to do with language. We are of course raising the kids to be bilingual - but she spoke German to the kids while we were in a bagel shop obviously run by orthodox folks.

They were clearly uncomfortable and I felt really awkward. She was just oblivious. There's a time and place for teaching the kids German, but this clearly wasn't it.

I lived in Israel and no one cared about German being spoken.

You mean there are orthodox folks there too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are the minority of the duo (ex. I'm black, dh is white), do you notice that your spouse does things that are racially unaware?

I briefly dated a black woman before (I am asian). I can tell you that you are treated differently. It was shameful and hurtful (to witness things that I never had done to me before). Despite the relationship not working out, I learned a new lesson that we are all people who want to be included, loved, and be treated with respect and fairness. Our breaking up had nothing to do with her being black. But to this day, it has taught me a very valuable lesson. I am glad that I had that opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

You mean how they built everything by using slaves to actually do the building, sharecroppers to farm, denied women and black folks the right to vote and participate in the political process?
Yep, the white man can have credit for all of that ignorance.

Anyone can pick cotton. European men created civilizations and empires. But that's ok. Africans have created many great nations of their own. I'll let other commenters name them...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both white, but it does drive me crazy that he doesn't or won't acknowledge systematic sexism and misogyny. He loves to play the devil's advocate on something like the lack of interesting roles for women in film, for example. It gets old. I think it stems from feeling defensive about being a privileged straight white guy in general. I'm not one of those guys so this doesn't really happen. It's annoying and diminishes my opinion of him, honestly.

"Straight white males" are the people who built every institution in this country, as well as your father, husband and any brothers you have. Start appreciating your husband and stop bothering him about worthless crap.

You mean how they built everything by using slaves to actually do the building, sharecroppers to farm, denied women and black folks the right to vote and participate in the political process?
Yep, the white man can have credit for all of that ignorance.

Anyone can pick cotton. European men created civilizations and empires. But that's ok. Africans have created many great nations of their own. I'll let other commenters name them...

Aksum.
Ghana.
Mali.
Songhai.
Ethiopia/Abyssinia.
Mossi.
Benin.
Egypt.

To name a few.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_kingdoms_in_pre-colonial_AfricaAfrica
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/africa/features/storyofafrica/index_section4.shtml

Shall we play Central & South America?
Asia?