Divorced women who upgraded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Very true which is why I never understand why a 30yr old woman would marry a 45yr old Man. That's when the penis starts to go downhill. Then she ends up 40, horny as hell and he's 55 and limp. I suppose that's when she starts fucking someone else and the cycle begins again

You must be very young. Most over 50 aren't necessarily "limp," and even if they were, Viagra's been around for 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

I think it's all relative.

Men tend to assume that women are like men and want to be with someone younger, but women aren't wired to be hung-up on that as much as men.

In a way, women have the edge, because a woman can marry someone older and still be attracted to him. Younger men find it difficult to be attracted to older women, so they biologically have no choice but to fight over younger women, which is why younger women get so much attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Very true which is why I never understand why a 30yr old woman would marry a 45yr old Man. That's when the penis starts to go downhill. Then she ends up 40, horny as hell and he's 55 and limp. I suppose that's when she starts fucking someone else and the cycle begins again

You must be very young. Most over 50 aren't necessarily "limp," and even if they were, Viagra's been around for 20+ years.

You must be male.

[Anonymous]

From age 50 upwards, the percentage of men reporting ED increased dramatically with 26 percent between the ages of 50 to 59, 40 percent aged 60 to 69 years and 61 percent for men older than 70 having experienced ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From age 50 upwards, the percentage of men reporting ED increased dramatically with 26 percent between the ages of 50 to 59, 40 percent aged 60 to 69 years and 61 percent for men older than 70 having experienced ED.

So, the vast majority of men from 50-59 do not report ED. And, I suspect that the ones that do have ED are probably suffering from noticeably healthy issues that would be apparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From age 50 upwards, the percentage of men reporting ED increased dramatically with 26 percent between the ages of 50 to 59, 40 percent aged 60 to 69 years and 61 percent for men older than 70 having experienced ED.

So, the vast majority of men from 50-59 do not report ED. And, I suspect that the ones that do have ED are probably suffering from noticeably healthy issues that would be apparent.

Actually I would be that the vast majority of men don't report ED anyways. Look at all the men who won't get help on these boards. I'm 37 and have a few friends who have married older men and most of them complain about the sex. It's a sad reality.

Don't be butt hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's all relative.

Men tend to assume that women are like men and want to be with someone younger, but women aren't wired to be hung-up on that as much as men.

In a way, women have the edge, because a woman can marry someone older and still be attracted to him. Younger men find it difficult to be attracted to older women, so they biologically have no choice but to fight over younger women, which is why younger women get so much attention.

Yep. And if you are willing to deal with a 30 year old, there are plenty of options for women, probably just as fit as a man the same age would find in younger women. (What I mean by that is that a 50 year old man can probably only get with a 6 or so 30 year old woman [on a scale of attractiveness/fitness 1-10] and a woman the same age can probably get the same, if not higher.) And the women arguably get the better deal because even if they go younger the man is still expected to contribute financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Nobody really knows if she means it. In my experience, no matter how bad the previous marriage was, if a girl sees a real catch... out goes her independence I am sure your friend does her best with what she's got. Doesn't mean she wouldn't make other choices if she had them.

Really?! I am a 26 year old woman, get hit on all the freaking time. I've had a guy spend thousands on dates, been propositioned by the hottest dudes, and I'm just not interested in a relationship currently. Believe it or not, saying "I dont want to settle down" is not just a lie women say because they can't get anyone. Which is why you see women like Rihanna, who could probably get anyone in the world, and who is happy to be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Nobody really knows if she means it. In my experience, no matter how bad the previous marriage was, if a girl sees a real catch... out goes her independence I am sure your friend does her best with what she's got. Doesn't mean she wouldn't make other choices if she had them.

Really?! I am a 26 year old woman, get hit on all the freaking time. I've had a guy spend thousands on dates, been propositioned by the hottest dudes, and I'm just not interested in a relationship currently. Believe it or not, saying "I dont want to settle down" is not just a lie women say because they can't get anyone. Which is why you see women like Rihanna, who could probably get anyone in the world, and who is happy to be single.

Hahahahha - another millennial POS. Go find another forum.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by this thread! I divorced, and remarried - and most definitely upgraded, although that was the furthest thing from my mind while I was leaving husband #1.

I got married the first time in my mid twenties. I married a fun guy who made me laugh, but who hid a serious anger issue and drug problem from me until things fell apart. I was devastated to get divorced, and never expected to be a single mom.

It took a few years before I was ready to date, but I dated for just a couple of years before meeting husband #2, who is about the best person I've ever known in life. He's a year younger than me, adorable, and super smart. He makes me laugh just as much as the first hubby, but he's also reliable and kind and fair and successful. He treats my daughter like his own, and we have two more kids together. Life is really, really good. He is a HUGE upgrade from my first husband - economically, physically, socially, everything.

ExH continues to struggle and flounder. He continues to be incredibly unmotivated work wise and has been arrested for domestic abuse. He has had a girlfriend for about five years now, but she is older and doesn't take great care of herself. I think she puts up with his crap better than I did, but she's not much of an upgrade in any other way.

So yes, women who divorce stand a fine chance of upgrading. I'm living proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Nobody really knows if she means it. In my experience, no matter how bad the previous marriage was, if a girl sees a real catch... out goes her independence I am sure your friend does her best with what she's got. Doesn't mean she wouldn't make other choices if she had them.

Really?! I am a 26 year old woman, get hit on all the freaking time. I've had a guy spend thousands on dates, been propositioned by the hottest dudes, and I'm just not interested in a relationship currently. Believe it or not, saying "I dont want to settle down" is not just a lie women say because they can't get anyone. Which is why you see women like Rihanna, who could probably get anyone in the world, and who is happy to be single.

Hahahahha - another millennial POS. Go find another forum.

LOL. Go away, old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by this thread! I divorced, and remarried - and most definitely upgraded, although that was the furthest thing from my mind while I was leaving husband #1.

I got married the first time in my mid twenties. I married a fun guy who made me laugh, but who hid a serious anger issue and drug problem from me until things fell apart. I was devastated to get divorced, and never expected to be a single mom.

It took a few years before I was ready to date, but I dated for just a couple of years before meeting husband #2, who is about the best person I've ever known in life. He's a year younger than me, adorable, and super smart. He makes me laugh just as much as the first hubby, but he's also reliable and kind and fair and successful. He treats my daughter like his own, and we have two more kids together. Life is really, really good. He is a HUGE upgrade from my first husband - economically, physically, socially, everything.

ExH continues to struggle and flounder. He continues to be incredibly unmotivated work wise and has been arrested for domestic abuse. He has had a girlfriend for about five years now, but she is older and doesn't take great care of herself. I think she puts up with his crap better than I did, but she's not much of an upgrade in any other way.

So yes, women who divorce stand a fine chance of upgrading. I'm living proof.

Good for you! Yes, this is generally the pattern I've seen. The dude finds someone weak/desperate enough to put up with his crap, who is a downgrade in every other way, but considers it to be an upgrade because now he gets to be a loser and not be called out for it. The woman generally realizes exactly what the danger of settling is and holds out for a better option without any serious deficiencies, generally resulting in a better partner who is an overall upgrade in every way.

[Anonymous]

Generalize anyone? How many people are going to get on DCUM and say, I remarried and this guy is even worse! I have seen it work both ways at all different extremes in terms of remarriage. If most remarriages were so great, why is the divorce rate higher the second time around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generalize anyone? How many people are going to get on DCUM and say, I remarried and this guy is even worse! I have seen it work both ways at all different extremes in terms of remarriage. If most remarriages were so great, why is the divorce rate higher the second time around?

Because often people's baggage they carry are what gets them divorced in the first place. They don't magically become better thr second time around.

If someone is verbally or emotionally abusive their first marriage, what makes you think that changes?

[Anonymous]

I laffed hard at the woman who says her 54 yo mom gets hit on "a lot."