Divorced women who upgraded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I laffed hard at the woman who says her 54 yo mom gets hit on "a lot."

That's odd. Oh well, everyone has a different sense of humor...

[Anonymous]

Whether you are a man or woman has little to do with whether or not you upgrade after divorce. It's much more dependent on how you look (for women) how much money you make (for men) and how outgoing/friendly you are (for both).

Good looking, thin, friendly women always do just fine in the dating market. As do wealthy, friendly, caring men. If you are a divorced 40 something that finds the dating scene impossible, you are either ugly or broke, no matter your age.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.

She says she's not interested in long-term with anyone. Believe me, if you have a bad enough marriage it will turn you off of the whole concept. She's in her forties and dates guys in their thirties, mainly because they're fun and better in bed. That is one of the sad realities of older men - they may not be able to get it up.

Very true which is why I never understand why a 30yr old woman would marry a 45yr old Man. That's when the penis starts to go downhill. Then she ends up 40, horny as hell and he's 55 and limp. I suppose that's when she starts fucking someone else and the cycle begins again

You must be very young. Most over 50 aren't necessarily "limp," and even if they were, Viagra's been around for 20+ years.

Trust me, lots of men start having problems in their forties, either less erection or premature ejaculation. They probably don't talk about it much with their friends. It happens and Viagra is expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

That's interesting. The therapist said I would remarry! And that my loser ex-husband would not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like everyone is happy based on all these posts.

Lots of divorced women who are able to "upgrade" or are very happy single. And plenty of older men who seem to have no difficulty in getting a younger woman.

About the only exception based on this thread is my ex who is bitter years after our divorce because I left her for another woman. I guess there aren't men beating down her door although she is attractive, educated, well-employed and fairly well-off.

Oh I think bitterness towards the ex is an entirely separate beast. She needs to let go and move on.

'

Why do you believe such a mean and snide post? The poster sounds bitter - and mean. (And yes, I know I used that word twice. On purpose.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

No therapist worth their salt would say that. Even if it has been their experience anecdotally.

Actually, mine said the same.

This is a very kind/good therapist. Probably has seen wave after wave of delusional clients who think they'll leave their husband and find "the one" only to discover that there is an extraordinarily small market for older women with kids.

I think it depends on the patient, more than the therapist. Therapists have a good idea of who will remarry and who will not. I can see it myself amongst my divorced friends. The writing is on the wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that so many women in this thread define their new H as an upgrade because he is "taller" or "makes more money" or "treats me like a queen." Must be true love.

So we're supposed to think shorter, broker, and shittier is an upgrade? Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether you are a man or woman has little to do with whether or not you upgrade after divorce. It's much more dependent on how you look (for women) how much money you make (for men) and how outgoing/friendly you are (for both).

Good looking, thin, friendly women always do just fine in the dating market. As do wealthy, friendly, caring men. If you are a divorced 40 something that finds the dating scene impossible, you are either ugly or broke, no matter your age.

This is the absolute gospel truth. And for those contemplating a divorce, consider how this reality affects you.
If you're the woman and overweight, or the man and have a crappy job, then you have a zero percent chance of upgrade.
And (no coincide) the very things that would improve your odds for a post-divorce upgrade, are the very same things that would greatly improve, possibly even save, your current marriage. For women: be thin. For men: make money.

This is how it works for a thread topic of Upgrade.

[Anonymous]

I haven't noticed men in the forties to be, on average, better
Looking than 40-something women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you are a man or woman has little to do with whether or not you upgrade after divorce. It's much more dependent on how you look (for women) how much money you make (for men) and how outgoing/friendly you are (for both).

Good looking, thin, friendly women always do just fine in the dating market. As do wealthy, friendly, caring men. If you are a divorced 40 something that finds the dating scene impossible, you are either ugly or broke, no matter your age.

This is the absolute gospel truth. And for those contemplating a divorce, consider how this reality affects you.
If you're the woman and overweight, or the man and have a crappy job, then you have a zero percent chance of upgrade.
And (no coincide) the very things that would improve your odds for a post-divorce upgrade, are the very same things that would greatly improve, possibly even save, your current marriage. For women: be thin. For men: make money.

This is how it works for a thread topic of Upgrade.

+1

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I think it's all relative.

Men tend to assume that women are like men and want to be with someone younger, but women aren't wired to be hung-up on that as much as men.

In a way, women have the edge, because a woman can marry someone older and still be attracted to him. Younger men find it difficult to be attracted to older women, so they biologically have no choice but to fight over younger women, which is why younger women get so much attention.[/quote]

Newsflash: a younger woman is not attracted to an older man, she's reluctantly tolerating him and solely interested in his $ . . .the more you know.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's all relative.

Men tend to assume that women are like men and want to be with someone younger, but women aren't wired to be hung-up on that as much as men.

In a way, women have the edge, because a woman can marry someone older and still be attracted to him. Younger men find it difficult to be attracted to older women, so they biologically have no choice but to fight over younger women, which is why younger women get so much attention.[/quote]

Newsflash: a younger woman is not attracted to an older man, she's reluctantly tolerating him and solely interested in his $ . . .the more you know.[/quote]

Yup.

Signed,

A 25 year old woman who has dated older men, used them for their money, and laughed about them to my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you are a man or woman has little to do with whether or not you upgrade after divorce. It's much more dependent on how you look (for women) how much money you make (for men) and how outgoing/friendly you are (for both).

Good looking, thin, friendly women always do just fine in the dating market. As do wealthy, friendly, caring men. If you are a divorced 40 something that finds the dating scene impossible, you are either ugly or broke, no matter your age.

This is the absolute gospel truth. And for those contemplating a divorce, consider how this reality affects you.
If you're the woman and overweight, or the man and have a crappy job, then you have a zero percent chance of upgrade.
And (no coincide) the very things that would improve your odds for a post-divorce upgrade, are the very same things that would greatly improve, possibly even save, your current marriage. For women: be thin. For men: make money.

This is how it works for a thread topic of Upgrade.

+1

The unspoken reason I'm still married (true for both of us)

[Anonymous]

James Bond . 40's