Divorced women who upgraded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

[Anonymous]

^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

No therapist worth their salt would say that. Even if it has been their experience anecdotally.

Actually, mine said the same.

This is a very kind/good therapist. Probably has seen wave after wave of delusional clients who think they'll leave their husband and find "the one" only to discover that there is an extraordinarily small market for older women with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality.

[Anonymous]

And anyone who would use "market value" to describe another human being is either bitter towards women, insecure or has had a troubled dating/marital history themselves.

Yes, dating in middle age has its challenges and is harder than dating in your 20's-30's but the concept of market value is disgusting and skewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality.

You are wrong. Most men in their 40s are on the way down too. There are exceptions for both genders. And not that many "hot" 30 year olds want to date divorced 40 year old men with kids anyway.

And anyway, I think the premise of this is flawed. Women who divorce may stay single because they prefer it. I know that if I got divorced the LAST thing I would want is to jump into a new marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality. [/quote

Maybe not but they can still look great and there are men who don't have issue with dating women their own age. My mom is 72 and so many of her friends are widowed and coupled with men their own age - this has been occurring over the past 10-15 years. Of course, men tend to die younger than women so that's another thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality.

Are you male or female? Just wondering the gender of someone who would debate this fact.

[Anonymous]

I'm a female who has been divorced & knows full well how hard it is . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality.

You are wrong. Most men in their 40s are on the way down too. There are exceptions for both genders. And not that many "hot" 30 year olds want to date divorced 40 year old men with kids anyway.

And anyway, I think then premise of this is flawed. Women who divorce may stay single because they prefer it. I know that if I got divorced the LAST thing I would want is to jump into a new marriage.

I think that very handsome men get better looking with age. However, the average man ages just as poorly as the average woman. Take a look around at the 50 and 60 year old men in your office... Lots of bellies, balding and bad teeth.

[Anonymous]

I know that if my dad passes before my mom or were to leave her she would never remarry. Why would she? Remarrying for her generation means a man to cook and clean for. Sure, a man could gwp with household upkeep but she can simply hire someone to do that stuff. She will have plenty of money and for the first time in a long time be able to focus entirely on herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And anyone who would use "market value" to describe another human being is either bitter towards women, insecure or has had a troubled dating/marital history themselves.

Yes, dating in middle age has its challenges and is harder than dating in your 20's-30's but the concept of market value is disgusting and skewed.

It's just the wording. The concept of "value" is often used for lack of better terms. I guess you could say "popularity" or "success in attracting desirable partners," but "market value" is short and easily conveys the idea. I really don't think those who use it intend to convey negativity. If you have a better way to describe why some people are successful and others struggle, please share it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ women in their forties...what, PP? Finish your sentence.
Are washed up ugly old hags? Go to a high school reunion or two and you will see the opposite, more often than you are acknowledging.

You seem intent on overlooking the obvious. Women DONT get more attractive physically post 40. I think it's unfair and terrible, but that doesn't change reality.

You are wrong. Most men in their 40s are on the way down too. There are exceptions for both genders. And not that many "hot" 30 year olds want to date divorced 40 year old men with kids anyway.

And anyway, I think then premise of this is flawed. Women who divorce may stay single because they prefer it. I know that if I got divorced the LAST thing I would want is to jump into a new marriage.

I think that very handsome men get better looking with age. However, the average man ages just as poorly as the average woman. Take a look around at the 50 and 60 year old men in your office... Lots of bellies, balding and bad teeth.

Um... no. It's anecdotal of course, but I'd say older guys in my office would be much, much better off than older gals. FWIW, I'm a 40 y.o. female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.

You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.

Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.

Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who sort of upgraded. But she was a widow, and it took years after her husband passed away. I think the dynamic has lots to do with age. A 50-year-old woman, even if she is pretty, in great shape, and makes good money, is still... well, a mature woman. A handsome and successful 50-year-old guy can be a catch for a wide range of women. It is just not the same at, say, 30. Thirty-year-olds are still young and full of potential. I think for us ladies the real decline in prospects kicks in after mid-forties. Not so much for guys. This sucks, but what can you do?

But but but i thought it wasnt true that men age like wine while women age like milk!]