Married coworkers want me but I'm to heavy for hubby

[Anonymous]

Saying that a 135 pound man is "gross" and "disgusting" seems like an awfully strong reaction. That's a fairly normal weight for a man who is a bit shorter than average.

Maybe some of you are reacting so strongly because skinny men make you unpleasantly aware of your own bovine proportions.

[Anonymous]

I'm always dumbfounded by threads like these. It's amazing to me that people can spout off numbers and formulas and such about weight. Here's what I do: eat right, work out, stay in my clothes. If my clothes don't fit right anymore, I don't buy new ones, I make changes to reestablish my fitness. I picture people going to the gym with calculators and spread sheets. I mean come on here. Some of you are really obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. But I think you're fudging things a bit. You are not "a few pounds" over your weight. 40 pounds is a LOT of weight. And at 150 pounds, you were not thin. I know that because I'm 5'10'', and 150 is my upper range weight. I'm not fat per se at 150 pounds, but not thin either, and if I kept up my gym routine, I'd never get beyond 145. What I'm saying is that you have a weight problem. You really do. Whether this is the reason your DH is turned off or not, we'll never know, but your weight is an issue. It's up to you whether to take care of that or not, but your weight is not normal.

I am not OP, but people have different body types. I am 5'11 and would have to lose a LOT of muscle (on purpose, which would be stupid) to get down to 150. I put on muscle easily.

Weight is meaningless without a body fat percentage. I posted above - at 205, I was 26% body fat. My ideal would be no lower than 190. I'd have to stop exercising entirely and severely limit calories to drop enough muscle to get down to 150. Anyone who is educated on exercise and body composition knows that you can't really tell if someone is "overweight" based on a number on the scale.

If at 5'10 you are 150 and not "thin" then you probably could do some work to improve your fitness and add some muscle. I wouldn't trade my body for yours, ever, even though given my numbers, you'd probably describe me as obese.

Yep. I am 5'5 and 140 and 22% body fat. I can't imagine that 150 and 5'5 would be "normal weight" and not thin...

My weightlifting partner is 5'3, size 2-4 and 140 lbs. She's super cut and everyone watches when she does pull ups with a 35 lb weight attached to a belt.

I'll go tell her that she is obese. I am really strong, too, but not quite as ripped as she is. The thought that I should weigh only 5 lbs more than her, when I am 8 inches taller, is hilarious.

As long as you are also size 2 to 4, you can weigh whatever you like.

YOU PEOPLE ARE TERRIFYING. And the one who thinks she needs to slice her flesh off if she's a certain weight??? YOU ARE BATSHIT CRAZY.

Not everyone is meant to be, or aspires to be, or wants to be size 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. But I think you're fudging things a bit. You are not "a few pounds" over your weight. 40 pounds is a LOT of weight. And at 150 pounds, you were not thin. I know that because I'm 5'10'', and 150 is my upper range weight. I'm not fat per se at 150 pounds, but not thin either, and if I kept up my gym routine, I'd never get beyond 145. What I'm saying is that you have a weight problem. You really do. Whether this is the reason your DH is turned off or not, we'll never know, but your weight is an issue. It's up to you whether to take care of that or not, but your weight is not normal.

I am not OP, but people have different body types. I am 5'11 and would have to lose a LOT of muscle (on purpose, which would be stupid) to get down to 150. I put on muscle easily.

Weight is meaningless without a body fat percentage. I posted above - at 205, I was 26% body fat. My ideal would be no lower than 190. I'd have to stop exercising entirely and severely limit calories to drop enough muscle to get down to 150. Anyone who is educated on exercise and body composition knows that you can't really tell if someone is "overweight" based on a number on the scale.

If at 5'10 you are 150 and not "thin" then you probably could do some work to improve your fitness and add some muscle. I wouldn't trade my body for yours, ever, even though given my numbers, you'd probably describe me as obese.

Since I know my body and you don't, it's meaningless for you to prescribe or diagnose my fitness level. But since you brought this up, here are the numbers.

I'm 5'10''. When I was at the gym four times a week kickboxing, stepping and lifting weight PLUS on the ice for six hours a week, I was 135 pounds and you could crack walnuts on my inner thighs. I had fabulous muscle tone all over. That schedule, though, wasn't realistic or sustainable for me beyond the two years I had it. With that, my ass and hips were still not model material since that's not the way I am built, and I'll always be slim on top and heavier on the bottom. Models my height are 115, 120 pounds. That's not achievable for me so I don't bother myself with it.

When I cut out the ice time, I settled at 140-145 pounds for the next six years. That is my target weight that takes some work to maintain because I eat out regularly and don't deny myself. And because I gain weight easily. At that weight, I am size six on bottom and potentially a four on top. That is healthy and fit but not in any way slim or thin. It's not a 2. It's not a double zero. It's a healthy, average, very average 4 to 6.

Post-baby 2, I couldn't work out as much as I could, or ever, and my weight rocketed to 152. At that point, I feel disgusted with myself. Currently pregnant with 2 and can't wait to shed it. Mind you, I know my body will change and I will never again be 135, or even potentially 140. But I know that at 190, I would be a buffalo.

So to an extent, you are right. You cannot tell whether someone is overweight or not based on numbers on a scale. But only up to a point. There is no way anyone who is 5'10'' be 300 pounds and NOT overweight. The not being able to tell thing works in a range of 10, 15, maybe 20 pounds. But not 40 pounds. Sorry.

And yes, I don't want your body. At 190 pounds, I'd want to take a knife and start slicing flesh off myself. The last thing I'd tell myself would be that this is normal, and hell, DH should desire me...just because he ought to! If that's your normal and you're happy, I'm happy for you. To me, that would be a freaking code triple red.

new poster here - you have MAJOR issues.

"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

[Anonymous]

I'm a pretty skinny guy, and I can swing 5 pounds one way or the other based on the day. Measuring yourself that minutely probably isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always dumbfounded by threads like these. It's amazing to me that people can spout off numbers and formulas and such about weight. Here's what I do: eat right, work out, stay in my clothes. If my clothes don't fit right anymore, I don't buy new ones, I make changes to reestablish my fitness. I picture people going to the gym with calculators and spread sheets. I mean come on here. Some of you are really obsessed.

If you add 40 pounds, your clothes won't fit right anymore.

[Anonymous]

I never cease to be amazed at how people who are overweight or obese look to rationalize their weight when they know perfectly well that they need to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not all just the simple math of (calories in through food) - (calories burned through exercise). I've watched my wife eat far less than me while exercising far more than me (as in, among other things, training for and running a marathon) and still struggle with her weight. So, if you believe it's that simple, then you're either stupid, naive, or willfully ignorant.

But it really is simple math. You are right in that different people have different caloric needs -- we all have those friends that eat TONS and weigh 120 lbs. Life is unfair in this respect. But you can lose weight if you simply expend more calories than you consume. Typically you do that through a combination of cutting calories (and very healthy eating) and exercise.

Losing weight isn't easy in the sense that being hungry all the time sucks. And unfortunately, that is what it takes. I lost 40 lbs in about 6 months and have kept it off. It wasn't easy for sure (I'm almost 40 yo and have had 3 kids). But it can be done if you commit to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

Therapists? You mean people who get paid by other people to make them feel like gaining 40 pounds is OK? No thank you.

Going from 140 to 150 is quite a change on MY body.

I don't know how you're built, and you don't know how I'm built, so your opinion doesn't mean very much. If size 12 is comfortable for you, good for you. My comfortable size, at which I am my comfortable, fit, toned best, is size 6. I don't go by what other people notice. I notice and that's enough. I don't tell you how much you should weigh so quit pretending you know what's right for other people.

There aren't words enough in the English language to make me believe going from 150 to 190 pound doesn't make one fat.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're in a workplace where co-workers (plural!) feel comfortable expressing sexual interest in you as a married woman, that's a bigger problem than the one you mentioned here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

Therapists? You mean people who get paid by other people to make them feel like gaining 40 pounds is OK? No thank you.

Going from 140 to 150 is quite a change on MY body.

I don't know how you're built, and you don't know how I'm built, so your opinion doesn't mean very much. If size 12 is comfortable for you, good for you. My comfortable size, at which I am my comfortable, fit, toned best, is size 6. I don't go by what other people notice. I notice and that's enough. I don't tell you how much you should weigh so quit pretending you know what's right for other people.

There aren't words enough in the English language to make me believe going from 150 to 190 pound doesn't make one fat.

New poster - are you denying that you have body image issues?
I don't think anyone is denying that OP is overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

Therapists? You mean people who get paid by other people to make them feel like gaining 40 pounds is OK? No thank you.

Going from 140 to 150 is quite a change on MY body.

I don't know how you're built, and you don't know how I'm built, so your opinion doesn't mean very much. If size 12 is comfortable for you, good for you. My comfortable size, at which I am my comfortable, fit, toned best, is size 6. I don't go by what other people notice. I notice and that's enough. I don't tell you how much you should weigh so quit pretending you know what's right for other people.

There aren't words enough in the English language to make me believe going from 150 to 190 pound doesn't make one fat.

New poster - are you denying that you have body image issues?
I don't think anyone is denying that OP is overweight.

You don't know me so it's silly to think you can diagnose anything. I know myself and what's best on me, and that's good enough. The PC brigade need not approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all just the simple math of (calories in through food) - (calories burned through exercise). I've watched my wife eat far less than me while exercising far more than me (as in, among other things, training for and running a marathon) and still struggle with her weight. So, if you believe it's that simple, then you're either stupid, naive, or willfully ignorant.

But it really is simple math. You are right in that different people have different caloric needs -- we all have those friends that eat TONS and weigh 120 lbs. Life is unfair in this respect. But you can lose weight if you simply expend more calories than you consume. Typically you do that through a combination of cutting calories (and very healthy eating) and exercise.

Losing weight isn't easy in the sense that being hungry all the time sucks. And unfortunately, that is what it takes. I lost 40 lbs in about 6 months and have kept it off. It wasn't easy for sure (I'm almost 40 yo and have had 3 kids). But it can be done if you commit to it.

Agree. It's undeniable that different people have different bodies and different caloric needs. But let's put it that way. If your wife ate more and exercised more, she would struggle with her weight a lot, a lot more. So the math does work in that no matter how you are built, it's calories in/calories out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

Therapists? You mean people who get paid by other people to make them feel like gaining 40 pounds is OK? No thank you.

Going from 140 to 150 is quite a change on MY body.

I don't know how you're built, and you don't know how I'm built, so your opinion doesn't mean very much. If size 12 is comfortable for you, good for you. My comfortable size, at which I am my comfortable, fit, toned best, is size 6. I don't go by what other people notice. I notice and that's enough. I don't tell you how much you should weigh so quit pretending you know what's right for other people.

There aren't words enough in the English language to make me believe going from 150 to 190 pound doesn't make one fat.

New poster - are you denying that you have body image issues?
I don't think anyone is denying that OP is overweight.

You don't know me so it's silly to think you can diagnose anything. I know myself and what's best on me, and that's good enough. The PC brigade need not approve.

You don't need to be "PC" to feel sorry for someone who thinks that a five pound weight gain on a 5'10" frame is disgusting. We're not talking about 40 lbs, which on YOUR frame might be too much.

But remember that this ridiculous comment line started when you insisted that OP was grossly overweight at 190, and you know that you should weigh only 145, suggesting that 145 is the ideal weight for every woman of your height. Now you are backpedaling and saying that you just want what you feel is best for YOUR body, but you used that arbitrary number to judge OP.

145 might be truly healthy for you. 190 is likely too much for OP, but it is foolish to suggest that because you feel you are disgusting at 150, OP should also feel disgusting at 150.

Your view toward your body is unhealthy. When I gain five pounds I don't feel disgusting. I make some minor tweaks in my diet if necessary and move a little more, appreciating that fluctuations in body weight are normal, and plod along happily. I don't start a downward spiral of self-loathing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"At 150 pounds, you were not thin." If this isn't some pro-ana BS, I don't know what is. PP, read what you wrote here to your therapist. Tell him or her that you were disgusted with yourself when you gained five pounds after having a child. At your height, you should barely notice five pounds. (I know this because I am your height, and I lost 40 lbs as an adult, and no one noticed. I dropped from a tight 14 to a comfortable 12. 5 lbs? I weigh five pounds more on Sunday if I had chinese on Saturday!)

Therapists? You mean people who get paid by other people to make them feel like gaining 40 pounds is OK? No thank you.

Going from 140 to 150 is quite a change on MY body.

I don't know how you're built, and you don't know how I'm built, so your opinion doesn't mean very much. If size 12 is comfortable for you, good for you. My comfortable size, at which I am my comfortable, fit, toned best, is size 6. I don't go by what other people notice. I notice and that's enough. I don't tell you how much you should weigh so quit pretending you know what's right for other people.

There aren't words enough in the English language to make me believe going from 150 to 190 pound doesn't make one fat.

LOL, you pretended to know what's right for other people by insisting that OP should be no more than 145 to begin with.