Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't know what kind of surgery it was. She was home when I arrived, greeted me and saw DH carrying me upstairs. That's the last time I saw her. She then txted me to say she was going out of town.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP that you are going through this. I think moving forward you should review your expectations with this cousin. Personally I would not pay her directly for child care or house cleaning but I would give her an allowance every month depending on performance. I would request she helps for X hours weekly in exchange of room and board. Hosting an extra adult is very expensive. I can't believe she would be so unsympathetic. You need to sit her down the moment she walks that door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know what kind of surgery it was. She was home when I arrived, greeted me and saw DH carrying me upstairs. That's the last time I saw her. She then txted me to say she was going out of town.

You had a major surgery without mentioning any details and then expect her to hang around and help voluntarily? Not saying you needed to open up completely about such a personal event, but the first she sees of you is your husband carrying you and you expect her to care for you?

I would think you wanted privacy for some undisclosed procedure and get out of your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm can you not read PP??? Nanny knew since October vile OP was having surgery so she purposely planned to leave. If my boss was vile (like you, since we all know this is op sock puppeting) I wouldnt have offered to work one extra minute. Go team nanny!! You are horrible and deserve nothing.

Why am I vile?
We sponsored her student visa, she lives here rent free, we pay for her food and outings with our family, we pay her to clean and to watch te kids, we help her with homework.
Again, why am I vile?

So now you do pay her to watch the kids? I thought that was free childcare in lieu of rent?

Also, if you didn't tell her what kind of surgery you were having, how was she supposed to know that you would need help afterward? It sounds like you said nothing to her that would indicate help would be needed, let her go ahead and make travel plans for the weekend, and then expected her to cancel them at a moment's notice when she saw your husband carrying you up the stairs (which sounds awfully dramatic, you weren't capable of walking I question whether you should have been discharged from the hospital at all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knew about the surgery since I scheduled it in October. I even scheduled her to clean the house the day of the surgery so id come to a clean home. She knew for a long time I would be off this week.

So she should stay and cater to you, unpaid??? Very entitled. You may be a pill for her to live with...

NP. The girl gets free rent. She shouldn't be paid for occasional childcare. At least I wasn't when I lived rent free with a family after college in exchange for occasional babysitting.

Then those expectations need to be made clear as part of the agreement. Free rent in exchange for babysitting for X number of hours a week. Advanced notice is needed by both parties to change the arrangement, formally. Then, the OP would have needed to spell out that extra hours were needed this weekend. The babysitter/cousin would have needed to formally ask for the weekend off if that were during her expected hours.

The poor girl can't be expected to read minds.

"That poor girl"?? Are you f-ing kidding me?? She lives rent free and is paid extra for basically lifting a finger to contribute to the household. I am dumbfounded by the vitriol toward OP.

If I were a young student given free room and board by a very generous family member I wouldn't say "poor me" if the expected me to help out here and there. I Would go out of my way to be gracious and repay their kindness.

[Anonymous]

PP again. What a bunch of entitled people posting on here, ripping OP a new a-hole when she has been incredibly generous to this young woman, simply because she is a cousin, and a distant one at that.

[Anonymous]

Is the cousin a house guest? No, I would not expect her to stick around and help you without being asked especially since she had no idea what kind of surgery you were having or what kind of help you might need. A broken toe could have required surgery for all she knew.

Let it go, OP. You are walking/talking proof that "Nothing is as cold as charity". You are either generous or you're not. If you give, you must give with no expectation of getting anything in return.

[Anonymous]

I think when things get to this point it is time to move on. There is no relationship financially to cleaning once in awhile (we pay $300 month) and paying rent in the DC area. At least $1000 month. So she had her free ride for awhile, now its time for her to understand real life. As for helping you when you were sick, she just did not feel like it and that's fine. But she is getting a way good deal here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know what kind of surgery it was. She was home when I arrived, greeted me and saw DH carrying me upstairs. That's the last time I saw her. She then txted me to say she was going out of town.

You had a major surgery without mentioning any details and then expect her to hang around and help voluntarily? Not saying you needed to open up completely about such a personal event, but the first she sees of you is your husband carrying you and you expect her to care for you?

I would think you wanted privacy for some undisclosed procedure and get out of your way.

+1. If you have someone living in your house and you never mention that you are having surgery or what kind, most people would assume you want your privacy and not stick around. Why didn't you ask her to help you? I would not expect my own mother to offer to help unless she knew I needed and wanted help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious. What type of surgery did you have that you feel entitled to have her cancel her plans and stick around to help? Perhaps that is why she left, because she figured thats all she'd have to do all weekend.

I feel sorry for her.

I wonder why you're sorry for her. Is it for her living rent free? Is it for her not paying for food or utilities?
Is it for all the outings we take her with us? Is for the fact that she doesn't pay for tutors because we help her with her English lessons, homework and papers for school?

I cooked in advance and froze the food, paid her to clean the house so the only help I needed was someone to keep an eye on the kids so I could nap or take a shower while DH works. But I guess it's too much to ask for.

Honestly, if you're up and showering, you're probably not feeling all that bad.

Says the person who has never had open abdomen surgery.

+100 Two weeks in bed and 4 more weeks for total recovery.

[Anonymous]

Stop being a martyr, OP. You did not ask for any help and it sounds like you did not tell the cousin that you are have heavy duty surgery which will require a long time to recuperate.

As another poster said, you need to use your words instead of venting about what an ingrate the person is for living in your house rent free when you did not set any expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are more than overreacting - you are acting badly. Very spoiled and self-centered.

And you are morally bankrupt. In fact, you must be an angry troll, hating behind a keyboard. Off with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know what kind of surgery it was. She was home when I arrived, greeted me and saw DH carrying me upstairs. That's the last time I saw her. She then txted me to say she was going out of town.

For heaven's sake, get rid of this callous lump, and replace her with someone who exhibits charity in front of your children. She's teaching them it's OK to leave sick parents to fend for themselves. Please don't listen to these imbeciles who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Hugs, OP, please feel better soon.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how you can be mad about her not helping when you didn't ask. That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

The surgery was scheduled in October so you had all that time to ask her to help you. You said nothing but paid her to clean the house. She made plans for this weekend probably to give you privacy while you recover.

You need to better communicate what you want from people.