DH won't get a vasectomy

[MikeL]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Five words: "chronic scrotal and testicular pain"

???

Some guys have long term, sometimes permanent, pain in their testicles and scrotum after vasectomy.

"Some guys", eh?
How big a % are these "some guys"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for 3 years. I'm 33, he is 42.
We do not want children. We have never wavered on that.
I know that I won't change my mind down the road.
When we decided to be sexually exclusive prior to marriage, we decided that our birth control would be me taking the pill.
I was 100% fine with that, as I had never had any issues with hormonal birth control. In the last year, it has done a number on me.
My doctor has tried switching me to different birth control pills, IUD, Depo, etc.
I've had horrid side-effects with each one. I want to go off of all birth control all together.
I mentioned this to DH and suggested that he get a vasectomy. He told me that he doesn't want to go through a surgery.
I told him that the only other option was for me to get a tubal ligation, but I don't want to.
I've been poked and prodded so much this year, that the last thing I want to do is go through that. I also mentioned that condoms are an option and he scoffed at that too.
I can guarantee that DH isn't looking to have children down the road. He's just squeamish about anyone cutting him in such a delicate area.
I'm pretty pissed that he's not willing to go through with it, but would be fine with me going through it.
It shouldn't all be on me. Am I wrong here?

I'm just chiming in to support you OP. Lord know we have to deal with enough sh--. My husband hot one earlier this year and was LITERALLY riding his bike within 24 hours. Totally different ball of wax for him vs. you. I'd make this a thing. He absolutely should do this for you, or wear a condom every time.

[Anonymous]

I had a tubal when my 2nd baby was born. It's not that bad recovery wise and it was (and is) an enormous relief to have it done.

Vasectomies might have a quicker recovery on average but, as with all procedures, there can be complications. So I wouldn't push a guy to get one if he was feeling very skittish about it. It should be his decision.

Also, vasectomies can reverse. I personally know of 2 couples that this happened to - wound up with surprise babies. Tubals can also reverse but I think that's less likely.

[Anonymous]

MikeL wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Five words: "chronic scrotal and testicular pain"

???

Some guys have long term, sometimes permanent, pain in their testicles and scrotum after vasectomy.

"Some guys", eh?
How big a % are these "some guys"?

Depending on the level of pain, 2-15% according to these guys:
http://www.painaftervasectomy.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

MikeL wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Five words: "chronic scrotal and testicular pain"

???

Some guys have long term, sometimes permanent, pain in their testicles and scrotum after vasectomy.

"Some guys", eh?
How big a % are these "some guys"?

Depending on the level of pain, 2-15% according to these guys:
http://www.painaftervasectomy.org/

So what is your suggestion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a tubal when my 2nd baby was born. It's not that bad recovery wise and it was (and is) an enormous relief to have it done.

Vasectomies might have a quicker recovery on average but, as with all procedures, there can be complications. So I wouldn't push a guy to get one if he was feeling very skittish about it. It should be his decision.

Also, vasectomies can reverse. I personally know of 2 couples that this happened to - wound up with surprise babies. Tubals can also reverse but I think that's less likely.

The failure rate of a vasectomy depends on what type of vasectomy was done. Some doctors just snip the Vas deferens and leave it at that while others take a section out of each side. Some will also take a section out of each side and then clamp the ends, this version has a very very low failure rate but it is also very difficult to reverse.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like it's time for your DH to put his balls where his mouth is! Best of luck and I hope he gets sick of condoms soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like it's time for your DH to put his balls where his mouth is! Best of luck and I hope he gets sick of condoms soon.

Oh, I wished! Mine refused to get vasectomy and I didn't like to be on pills (I had two kids by age of 30, so it would be way too many years to take hormons). I didn't want surgery for myself either. So, more than 5 years, and he still didn't got sick of the condoms! I stopped insisting. I think we all have our fears, and if he doesn't feel comfortable, I am not going to force him

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I wouldn't be comfortable with condoms alone as birth control if I didn't want any kids. Failure rate on condoms is just too high - and then you'll be back in the position of you being in charge of birth control with something like Plan B or an abortion.

If he doesn't change his mind quick with the condoms (and I hope he does, a vasectomy is such a minor procedure), I would personally look into doing fertility awareness method + condoms. I'd avoid any fertile days plus use condoms the rest of the time to be extra sure.

FAM isn't the most convenient thing in the world, but if your cycles are pretty regular it becomes less of a pain after one or two cycles. FAM + condoms is wayyyyy more effective.

I think a child-free by choice couple is playing with fire to use condoms as the primary birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MikeL wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Five words: "chronic scrotal and testicular pain"

???

Some guys have long term, sometimes permanent, pain in their testicles and scrotum after vasectomy.

"Some guys", eh?
How big a % are these "some guys"?

Depending on the level of pain, 2-15% according to these guys:
http://www.painaftervasectomy.org/

So what is your suggestion?

Oh, I went ahead and got the vasectomy. I'm just saying that it's not without risk, and a wife shouldn't dismiss a husband as being a baby or whatever when he's concerned about getting one. Women who sneer about "man colds" and the like are *way* too cavalier about the issue.

[Anonymous]

I dont know how to tell you this ladies, but I have been married for almost 20 years. All of our friends had a vasectomy about 10 years ago.
He refused. I have asked him several times to no avail.
I brought it up again recently and he said I just want him to get it so I can then divorce him! wtf?
If I havent divorced this lunatic yet why would I if he had this done? I thought it would make sex more pleasurable.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well ladies and gentlemen...we went through the 3 pack I bought and before I bought more, DH got amorous. I refused because we didn't have any condoms and he relented and said he was "sick of using these bullshit condoms."
He's calling his MD tomorrow to schedule an appointment!
We had a long discussion and he told me that he agreed that it wasn't fair that the burden be placed on my body.
I definitely believe that no person should be pressured into anything. There has to be some compromise though between two married people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well ladies and gentlemen...we went through the 3 pack I bought and before I bought more, DH got amorous. I refused because we didn't have any condoms and he relented and said he was "sick of using these bullshit condoms."
He's calling his MD tomorrow to schedule an appointment!
We had a long discussion and he told me that he agreed that it wasn't fair that the burden be placed on my body.
I definitely believe that no person should be pressured into anything. There has to be some compromise though between two married people.

Yay!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for 3 years. I'm 33, he is 42.
We do not want children. We have never wavered on that.
I know that I won't change my mind down the road.
When we decided to be sexually exclusive prior to marriage, we decided that our birth control would be me taking the pill.
I was 100% fine with that, as I had never had any issues with hormonal birth control. In the last year, it has done a number on me.
My doctor has tried switching me to different birth control pills, IUD, Depo, etc.
I've had horrid side-effects with each one. I want to go off of all birth control all together.
I mentioned this to DH and suggested that he get a vasectomy. He told me that he doesn't want to go through a surgery.
I told him that the only other option was for me to get a tubal ligation, but I don't want to.
I've been poked and prodded so much this year, that the last thing I want to do is go through that. I also mentioned that condoms are an option and he scoffed at that too.
I can guarantee that DH isn't looking to have children down the road. He's just squeamish about anyone cutting him in such a delicate area.
I'm pretty pissed that he's not willing to go through with it, but would be fine with me going through it.
It shouldn't all be on me. Am I wrong here?

No, it shouldn't be, but the only way you know for sure if a procedure was carried out, it's if it's carried out on your body.

Have you talked to your doc about Essure? I'm currently single but that's what I'm getting when I'm in a serious relationship. No kids ever for me, and I want to be darn sure I don't get pregnant from a failed vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yea, a man over 45 having a baby is irresponsible and selfish. At 45 you should be helping your kids get ready for prom, not wiping shit out of the folds of baby legs.

Don't say that. Your current DH may drop dead tomorrow (assuming you are a woman) and you may end up remarrying 40-something man who wants to have a baby. You just never know.

I'm done having babies. When I'm 45 I'm going to be attending my kids HS graduation. Not changing diapers. No way in hell would I matry an old man who wanted babies.

Young and foolish, no doubt.

Um, I have a career and two healthy children who are in middle school. I SAH and raised babies for a few years. I'm not interested in doing it again. SO yes, maybe I am foolish to not consider the hypothetical if my DH were to die, I'd somehow get the burning desire to have kids in my 40s when I already have near grown children. Sounds delightful to stare my 50s and menopause with fieldtrips to Pumpkinville with the preschool class. In my 50s, I'm planning on playing a lot of golf, and do a lot of traveling....and Disney is not what I have in mind. I will save all of these middle aged men with baby fever for the rest of you...you all can have at them. Tare it up ladies!

This is one of the more bizarre and unnecessary exchanges I've seen in a while.

Lady, we get it. You're done with kids. Bully for you, but STFU about what anyone else should do. BE gone with you.