Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with all the posters who are saying you need to detach from him. I understand you feel very close to him due to your history, but consider the facts ..

He's lied to you
He is pretty obviously engaged in an emotional affair, about which he's lying to his fiancée,
You have an unhealthy amount of communication especially considering he is an ex

You are both seriously co-dependent in a very unhealthy way. How do you imagine this "friendship" will continue, once he is married, and you're clear you want nothing to do with the wife? Peoples lives change. This relationship is not healthy for you, and it is incredibly manipulative for him.

I don't like to call troll, but I do not understand how anyone can be this naive and in denial.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you disgusted by his behavior. He is engaged, but asking you what you are wearing and to send nude pics.

It is time to disengage. If he calls/texts don't answer right away. He will get the message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and do you REALLY believe she knew he had a girlfriend when she pursued him, or that she was the pursuer at all? The source of this info is your lying ex, right?

OP here: yes she knew because I was the one to call her on the phone and tell her.

And he told her that you were his crazy ex gf calling that won't let go. She believed him. Just like you did.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are young. This is all immature.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you don't like what people are telling you, and you are frustrated with what you see as snarkiness. What you don't understand is that you come across as someone unwilling to see the truth about the situation that's clear as day to anyone who a) isn't you, and b) a little older, which is most of DCUM posters.

Yes I know, you like this guy, he's really special, best friend what not. You are asking a very specific question: why would he lie? Be reasonable. Think back to any time in your life when you lied. It was only for one reason and one reason only: you didn't want the person you lied to to know the truth. That's the sum of it all, the rest is just embellishment. Do you think there's any reason out there that can make you slap your head and go yesss, I get it now. THAT'S why he lied to me. Of COURSE that's perfectly fine. That reason doesn't exist, assuming he's really engaged.

The second issue is that you are inappropriately close to someone who a) isn't your SO, and b) is involved with someone else. Think about it. If you had a boyfriend and discovered he was talking to his ex three times a day, what would that tell you about that person? It's not complicated. You still see this man as yours, and you are upset someone is encroaching on your territory. You are NOT just friends, regardless of what you are telling yourself. It's OK to have friends and it's OK to be in touch with exes, but frequent, flirtatious contact is not OK when it comes to you, and it's not OK when it comes to his gf.

He's not doing right by you, and he's not doing right by his partner. He is also lying to you. There is no reason in the world that would make this behavior appropriate or right, so stop looking for one. Accept what everyone is telling you: this man does not have your best interest in mind, and extricate yourself from this drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and do you REALLY believe she knew he had a girlfriend when she pursued him, or that she was the pursuer at all? The source of this info is your lying ex, right?

OP here: yes she knew because I was the one to call her on the phone and tell her.

And he told her that you were his crazy ex gf calling that won't let go. She believed him. Just like you did.

OP Here: No, she knew definitely knew I was his girlfriend and not his "crazy ex". She tried calling him 3 times one day when I was at his house and I answered his phone and told her to stop calling.

[Anonymous]

OP Here: Thank you for all the responses. I am done responding to comments because as usual, DCUM snarkiness comes out in full force. It's amazing that a bunch of 35+ year old mom's can act like children in high school. I appreciate the actual advice that I got and it has made me open my eyes a bit and consider a lot. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Page 2, second post , line 16

[Anonymous]

OP-- print this thread out and read it in 10-15 years. You'll see what we meant when we said you're a bit immature. You can't see that right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and do you REALLY believe she knew he had a girlfriend when she pursued him, or that she was the pursuer at all? The source of this info is your lying ex, right?

OP here: yes she knew because I was the one to call her on the phone and tell her.

And he told her that you were his crazy ex gf calling that won't let go. She believed him. Just like you did.

OP Here: No, she knew definitely knew I was his girlfriend and not his "crazy ex". She tried calling him 3 times one day when I was at his house and I answered his phone and told her to stop calling.

Well she didn't stop calling, did she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This man is your ex for a reason. He has moved on and now has a fiancé. He doesn't owe you any type of explanation. I'm worried why you care that this ex ( who you broke up with) is engaged to someone else. Honestly you sound obsessed and I think he is trying to be private. It isn't any of your business and he doesn't need to tell you anything. Please move on and leave this man alone.

OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.

Well, honestly you don't talk about everything if he won't even admit that he is engaged to you. You are fooling yourself.

OP here: I know that which is why I posted asking for advice. I'm not fooling myself at all because I KNOW he is lying. I am not sitting here saying that I don't think he is engaged because I KNOW he is. My issue is not knowing why he is lying to me about it. He knows that eventually the truth will come out if he keeps lying but he swears up and down that he isn't engaged and that he is just focused on his new career and that I "need" to believe him.

Why does it matter why? He is lying to you. That's all you need to know. Are you hoping for a reconciliation?

OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.

Here you go OP!! The post where YOU said he asks for pictures and YOU go along with it b/c it's FUN! Please, seek that psychiatric help you so desperately need

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

Posted above. As you requested. You crazy bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This man is your ex for a reason. He has moved on and now has a fiancé. He doesn't owe you any type of explanation. I'm worried why you care that this ex ( who you broke up with) is engaged to someone else. Honestly you sound obsessed and I think he is trying to be private. It isn't any of your business and he doesn't need to tell you anything. Please move on and leave this man alone.

OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.

Well, honestly you don't talk about everything if he won't even admit that he is engaged to you. You are fooling yourself.

OP here: I know that which is why I posted asking for advice. I'm not fooling myself at all because I KNOW he is lying. I am not sitting here saying that I don't think he is engaged because I KNOW he is. My issue is not knowing why he is lying to me about it. He knows that eventually the truth will come out if he keeps lying but he swears up and down that he isn't engaged and that he is just focused on his new career and that I "need" to believe him.

Why does it matter why? He is lying to you. That's all you need to know. Are you hoping for a reconciliation?

OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.

Here you go OP!! The post where YOU said he asks for pictures and YOU go along with it b/c it's FUN! Please, seek that psychiatric help you so desperately need

Oh I will totally take the advice of some middle age mother on DCUM. I REALLY appreciate your advice.