Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged

[Anonymous]

1. If you were friends, he would share his engagement news.

2. If you didn't have feelings for him, you wouldn't be researching every wedding venue you could think of for proof of a registry.

3. I think you are mad that finance stole your ex-bf from under your nose, and you want to stir shit up by staying close to him, under the guise of a friendship.

He probably has feelings but this whole thing is unhealthy. 26 by default does not make a person inexperienced, but the more I hear, the more immature ALL of you sound. I suspected this at first read of "Facebook status".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun

The other posters are right: you're the other woman. As you said yourself, " If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice….I'm the first person he calls when he has a good day or a bad day or gets good news, etc." This is what his girlfriend/fiancée is for. If he doesn't want to turn to her for support, he shouldn't be with her. He is playing both of you, and you're a fool if you put up with it.

If you allow him to use your emotional energy as if you're his girlfriend/fiancée, you will not have any energy left for pursuing honest, supportive relationships, either with other friends or with a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's lying to you because he likes having your attention. He knows you still have feelings for him, it strokes his ego to have you waiting in the wings for him, and he knows that if he confirms they're engaged, you might cut off the "friendship." And he's getting mad because he has no real explanation/defense, so he's putting it back on you to make you feel crazy (ever heard of gas lighting?)/ If they had been engaged and called it off, he would have told you that. And if he was never engaged to her at all, do you really think he's going to keep dating someone who goes to such lengths to lie to the rest of the world about them being engaged?

Please end this friendship. It's only hurting you, and he wouldn't string you along like this if he really cared about you and respected you.

+1. There are a couple relationshio issues that I see flashbacks of a Julia Roberts movie and this is one of them. Classic "My best friend's wedding" where he is chasing after fiancé (because despite what he tells you, he left you for her and is now engaged to her he no matter how strong your friendship/she doesn't understand him the way you do/he is calling you three times a day), you are chasing after him in the sense of wondering why not you and not wanting to believe he is engaged, and as the character George so cuts thru the bs says "who's chasing you? Get it, there is your answer". So, it doesn't matter if he is engaged to her or not or gets upset that you are saying he is engaged or not, he has not chosen you over her and your time holding on to this relationship could very well stop you from meeting the guy that will chase you, chose you, be your best friend, be the way you go home to. No quality guy wants to chase a girl still hung up in her ex. Take back control of your happiness and do not give this guy any more power over you and your happiness. If you want to have a moment of wallowing, listen to that song "Congratulations" ( that song always brings me to tears) and get it out, and then dust yourself off and figure out how to cut ties.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1k55o_congratulations_music

[Anonymous]

PP here. Forgot to add that I used to be BFFs with someone that was a pathological liar. Even though she lied I tried to say, well she is the first person to call on my birthday, the first to write me when I did a study abroad etc. Then eventually, I saw how she would spin things so for example she would call me on my birthday but make it sound like to the group of friends that I called her and make it seem like out of all the friends I the group I had contacted her from overseas and she would share with them what was going on in my life. She wanted to own the narrative of our stories and be the center/go to person in the group. One day I woke up and realized all the things I thought she was doing in friendship that I was willing to give a pass for the blantant lying were really her manipulating me to get what she wanted I.e. Center of the social circle, and me allowing it. I also had to question why I was willing to accept a friendship that wasn't at its core a friendship where people could be honest for the illusion of someone being there for me. I had to be willing to cut ties and face perhaps not having someone that would call me on my birthday or that would reach out to me overseas etc to find real friendships I could depend on. It actually wasn't until I stop considering her a friend that I became closer to the other women in our group and have friends that I really can count on. So I am saying that although he seems like he is a good friend, that doesn't mean he isn't manipulating you. Deep down you have to be willing to have no one to turn to rather than the illusion of someone you can depend on/turn to if you ever want to find the real deal.

[Anonymous]

No offense OP + I truly hate snarky responses, but you sound very young and immature to me. This sounds like a post from someone in middle school/high school to me, but I am going to assume you are older since you did mention you were together for six years.

Anyway, if you are willing to take my advice the answer is clear as day.

Duh.

The guy is lying to you. It is as clear as day.

He is obviously playing around w/both you and this other girl.

I would tell him, "Silly Rabbit..Trix are made for kids" and kick his Sociopath ass to the curb.

Then move on. And away from his sorry self.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've had a similar friendship-except that we never dated.

He got with a girl a few years ago. I was thrilled and hoped me and dh could be couple-friends with them. I reached out, repeatedly...and got a cold shoulder. Which hurt me alot. I had been so supportive of them. Anyhow, we ceased contact for awhile but still had interactions at work.

So he got engaged and kept it a 'secret'. I actually knew about it as he did it, lol, but he thought he was keeping it from me. Why...I don't know! I never told him I knew, just asked him one day when the date was and what the colors/dress was going to be (the girly detail stuff us gals are interested in ). He almost choked LOL. I never congratulated him since he never saw fit to tell me.

In the end, I forgave a lot, including this-but at this point I'm no longer open to friendship with him. I think you may be near that point as well, judging from what you wrote. I also think his gf may pussy-whip him into ceasing contact, which is what happened in my case, regarding couple friendship. It's probably for your own best good if you beat him to it and end it on your terms.

And-you are NOT the other woman, despite what some posters here have said-it's an issue between friend and his gf, just like it was with my friend and his gf. It's not our problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

OP Here: He says that she knows we still talk but I don't believe him at all. He does talk to me when he's home but I know that's only when she's not around. Otherwise, he goes to the grocery store, etc. and we talk.

Why are you so close with A: a guy who cheated on you. B: a guy that continues to lie to you. C: CLEARLY has a #1 woman in his life--you're like his backup.

You make it sound like it's all him wanting to maintain this relationship: HE calls ME three times a day. Um, stop answering your effing phone!

OP Here: holy shit for the 5498609486 time. I don't give a shit if I am not his #1 or whatever you want to call it. I am not looking to be his number 1 at all. We are FRIENDS, that is IT. My whole reasoning for posting this was seeing what everyone thought about him lying about being engaged and why he would lie. I am not sitting here saying "omg I want him back so badly please help" because that is not the case. So you continuing to say "he has moved on" blah blah, really doesn't matter because I DONT CARE.

But you already know the answer to that question. He wants to maintain his engagement to her, and ultimately marry her, while he has you on the side.
It's very clear, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Oh and do you REALLY believe she knew he had a girlfriend when she pursued him, or that she was the pursuer at all? The source of this info is your lying ex, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and do you REALLY believe she knew he had a girlfriend when she pursued him, or that she was the pursuer at all? The source of this info is your lying ex, right?

OP here: yes she knew because I was the one to call her on the phone and tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer seems blatantly obvious to me. He lies because he knows he has an inmapriopriate relationship with you.

You are obsessed with the lie because you are having an emotional affair with him.

Eventually you will learn that as an adult there are no reasons to stay emotionally close to an ex.

+1

Why not out him to her, since you care so much about this inappropriate relationship? Take screen shots of your call history, as well as text history (especially the asking for pics part) and message them to her on FB?

If you are looking to stir the pot, there you go. Maybe she'll dump him and you can have him back. He sounds like such a great prize.

OP here: why would I do that? I feel like if she's ever going to find out, it'll happen on its on. Why would I purposely reach out to her and tell her everything? I'm sure at some point it will all come out but it won't be from me.

[Anonymous]

Did you get your question answered OP? Why would he lie? So he can leave the door open to have sex with you later. It's much easier to sleep with a guy with a girlfriend instead of a fiance. Why would he lie? Because you care more about treating your friends ethically and with respect than he does. So cheating, lying...it's just who he is. There. Are we done now?

[Anonymous]

We should just shut down this thread. OP has an excuse for everything and won't listen to the overwhelming advice to cut ties. It's getting boring and old. Good luck OP, you're going to need it.

[Anonymous]

OP - someday you will look back and realize you SHOULD have a BFF, a partner, husband...and this guy could NEVER be that for you.

If he's treating his g.f. this way (being two-faced, relying on another person to be his support system, etc) call him on it, if you are really his friend. I would tell my BFF if he or she was being unfair to their "loved ones".

You got some great advice on here. Truly. Life is too short to waste on this emotional vampire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer seems blatantly obvious to me. He lies because he knows he has an inmapriopriate relationship with you.

You are obsessed with the lie because you are having an emotional affair with him.

Eventually you will learn that as an adult there are no reasons to stay emotionally close to an ex.

+1

Why not out him to her, since you care so much about this inappropriate relationship? Take screen shots of your call history, as well as text history (especially the asking for pics part) and message them to her on FB?

If you are looking to stir the pot, there you go. Maybe she'll dump him and you can have him back. He sounds like such a great prize.

OP here: why would I do that? I feel like if she's ever going to find out, it'll happen on its on. Why would I purposely reach out to her and tell her everything? I'm sure at some point it will all come out but it won't be from me.

Did you not read? Specifically said, "if you want to stir the pot." It would force his lying hand, that's for sure. But it would also make clear that you are the OW. You know that is not how you want to be perceived. So clearly you have a shred of decency. Try to increase that amount by ending this emotional affair.