Does a 7 o'clock date mean dinner to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well i asked him because he was asking for bar suggestions. but i can't drink and not eat. i guess i will order food anyways and he can offer to pay or not.

I just went out on a first date last weekend at a bar. We met at 5:30 (he was 20 mins late) and he said, "Let's sit at the bar." It was full so I said we should grab a table and he hesitated. I know he didn't want a table b/c then he would have to order food. I told him that I can't drink and not eat esp at dinnertime. I hate that guys have become so cheap.

You're lucky a shitbag like yourself was even taken out on a date. Listen to yourself. Why should any man date you? Why didn't you offer to pay for dinner at table?

You make me sick.

NP here. Listen to YOURSELF pp. Not appropriate. Calm down.

The angry "nice guy" is back again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't annoyed, I was planning to pay. I was more surprised that he let me. And remember he had an extra drink so we ate and drank up the same amount. In fact, he had a shot prior to dinner so I think his portion was actually more! And I forgot to mention that he commented on how he couldn't believe I ate all that I did! If I were insecure that really would have bothered me but instead I view it as a red flag.

Move on. He's cheap and not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So we met and I was famished. My plan was to eat and pay for myself so I opened the menu. He stated that he usually doesn't eat past 7 pm because he gets bad dreams..!?? He didn't appear to be joking. I ordered an entree and he had soup. We split chips and guac, I had one glass of wine, he too. Convo was okay, he's cute but I wasn't impressed that he kept his hat on the whole meai.. But that's certainly not a deal breaker. Well, the check came and I was talking so he picked it up and opened it. Since my plan all along was to pay for my own dinner I reached for my purse. He immediately stated, "Let's split it. I don't mind doing that, it's fine" (as if he was doing me a favor or something). Bill came to $52, we each put in $30. I mentioned how our server was excellent and maybe we should tip a bit more and he said, "well how do you want to do that?" I said maybe he could take the cash and put it on his card which he did. I was really only thinking a few more dollars but maybe that wasn't necessary. I was parked in a lot so he walked me to the garage (not the car) hugged me and left.

Clearly he's not interested but I wasn't impressed that he left with my $30 in his wallet. It just doesn't seem like a man who wants to impress me and put his best foot forward.

Would I go out with him again if he asked? Possibly but I wouldn't expect to pay.

Don't. Why waste your time?
He sounds like a younger version of my grandfather, who made my grandmother miserable until she died. Rigid, set in his ways, cheap and no filter (for rude comments).

[Anonymous]

Don't get your panties in a bunch. It didnt work out and whatever chemistry you were hoping for didnt happen. FOr ll you know he had expectations of sex in the parking lot.

Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So we met and I was famished. My plan was to eat and pay for myself so I opened the menu. He stated that he usually doesn't eat past 7 pm because he gets bad dreams..!?? He didn't appear to be joking. I ordered an entree and he had soup. We split chips and guac, I had one glass of wine, he too. Convo was okay, he's cute but I wasn't impressed that he kept his hat on the whole meai.. But that's certainly not a deal breaker. Well, the check came and I was talking so he picked it up and opened it. Since my plan all along was to pay for my own dinner I reached for my purse. He immediately stated, "Let's split it. I don't mind doing that, it's fine" (as if he was doing me a favor or something). Bill came to $52, we each put in $30. I mentioned how our server was excellent and maybe we should tip a bit more and he said, "well how do you want to do that?" I said maybe he could take the cash and put it on his card which he did. I was really only thinking a few more dollars but maybe that wasn't necessary. I was parked in a lot so he walked me to the garage (not the car) hugged me and left.

Clearly he's not interested but I wasn't impressed that he left with my $30 in his wallet. It just doesn't seem like a man who wants to impress me and put his best foot forward.

Would I go out with him again if he asked? Possibly but I wouldn't expect to pay.

I do think it was ridiculous that he explicitly said to eat before meeting up at 7pm. I think saying lets meet for drinks at 7 is enough and then you have to assume at most he may order a light appetizer and you eat before if you can't drink on any empty stomach or it would be too late for dinner afterwards. That said, once he explicitly said to have dinner before I think it was ridiculous that you planned to just eat there with him and "pay for your meal". You basically were giving him a choice of looking cheap if he agreed to split a check that included food he didn't intend to have or spending $50 plus dollars (I.e. You could put in the tip) to cover your meal when he only wanted to meet out for drinks. If you had eaten ahead, maybe he would have spent $30 to cover your drinks and not split the bill. You could have said that 7:30 or 8:00 would be more convenient meetup so you had time to stop home first or if the extra stop for food would have been too much for you, make the meetup time later and get and pay for your meal at the bar before he gets there. With my friends people have gotten someplace early if they want to eat there and the drinks only person comes later.

As a point of reference, DH didn't officially take me out to dinner until the 3rd time we met up. I refer to the first wo meetups as non-dates where we met up casually and it was easy for me to pay for myself (i.e. A place like La Madelaines, food court etc). At the time he actually didn't make a lot and was careful with his money but I noticed he was always thoughtful. He would open doors for me and both notice and hold it open for the person with the stroller two people behind us, he would compliment me but not in a cheesy sort of way, he would drive out my way to see me so I wouldn't be on the road if the weather was bad. He wasn't a lets spend $100 on dinner sort of guy I think back then because he didn't have that kind of money to spend and now because short of a special event that isn't who he is, but he will buy an expensive anniversary gift that he thinks I would love or stay at an expensive resort for our 10th anniversary. So I would say focus on thoughtful rather than how much he is willing to spend and allow him to be generous in a way that is comfortable for him in letting him pick the activity that he can afford to fully cover whether that be drinks at a bar or dinner at Friday's. Within that context, if you aren't feeling him because there is no chemistry, similar sense of humor, and conversation, cut him loose.

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and have done a fair amount of online dating over the past few years. This is way too complicated on your end to work out.

He's impolite -- either b/c he was telling you when to eat, not to order food if you wanted to, or because he made a rude comment about your food intake. A 50 yr old man with decent social graces would know that none of these scream "I'm a catch!" to a woman.

Then you have the whole hat on while eating, distance factor, I don't eat b/c I have bad dreams, thus you will not eat either stuff. Put the brakes on. You had to initiate this date and then this is what happened. He is not a keeper. Way too much time spent on this guy.

Next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't annoyed, I was planning to pay. I was more surprised that he let me. And remember he had an extra drink so we ate and drank up the same amount. In fact, he had a shot prior to dinner so I think his portion was actually more! [b]And I forgot to mention that he commented on how he couldn't believe I ate all that I did! [i]If I were insecure that really would have bothered me but instead I view it as a red flag.

now that you gave more details, I agree. I was the poster that mentioned looking at thoughtful versus money spent and the comment about what you ate, spending the same amount if not more yet begrudgingly splitting the check (if he was on a budget he could have just had 1 drink and the chips) , and not wanting to tip 20% for good service, plus not walking me to my car to make sure I got there safely would make me not go out on another date. Taking your money for half the check to me isn't the key thing, it's all the other details.

[Anonymous]

So I would say focus on thoughtful rather than how much he is willing to spend and allow him to be generous in a way that is comfortable for him in letting him pick the activity that he can afford to fully cover whether that be drinks at a bar or dinner at Friday's. Within that context, if you aren't feeling him because there is no chemistry, similar sense of humor, and conversation, cut him loose.

Let's see, he told her when to eat, criticized her for eating too much, and scheduled their meeting at an inconvenient time if he expected her to eat beforehand. I think he is a definite "no" under thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:43 yr old woman here. I'm going to make my husband a special dinner tonight. OP-- thank you for the glimpse into what it's like out there to date. I think I would be the worst date. I eat dinner at 5--some days at 4:30. By 9, I'm in bed. The idea of getting together for drinks with someone at 9-- they might as well be suggesting 3:30 in the morning.

And no, I won't serve DH dinner tonight at 4:30. Since its 8:30 now, I'll plan on a late breakfast, a late lunch, and then I can do a late dinner at 6:30. In case you're wondering, the kids are 4 and 7 and the 3 of us eat at 5. DH and I sit and talk when he eats dinner after the kids are in bed.

Thanks for sharing the fascinating details of your life.

LOL

+1

[Anonymous]

Omg, I met a guy once who behaved just like this. He was so cheap - put a list together of the cheapest restaurants in the area and texted it to me. His coworkers warned me about him being "frugal" but I didn't think a person could be that heap till I started seeing and hearing things that turned me off to the point that I could not talk to him at all. One of the episodes - he is ordering pizza on the phone "can I have this and that, how much is for everything? Is the delivery included? Oh ok. Then I don't have to tip the guy, right?"... I wanted to puke!!! He was starving but canceled the order because he didn't want to tip the guy. I never went out with him as I couldn't stand the idea of thinking about his cheap nature during dinner...
The man is in his mid 50's. Owns a company. Never been married - no surprise here! The interesting thing is that his brother is the total opposite and seems like his dad was a gentleman... His bookkeeper said that he actually gets off when saves a penny... Maybe that's the case but god it's so unattractive. How can he not see it???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, I met a guy once who behaved just like this. He was so cheap - put a list together of the cheapest restaurants in the area and texted it to me. His coworkers warned me about him being "frugal" but I didn't think a person could be that heap till I started seeing and hearing things that turned me off to the point that I could not talk to him at all. One of the episodes - he is ordering pizza on the phone "can I have this and that, how much is for everything? Is the delivery included? Oh ok. Then I don't have to tip the guy, right?"... I wanted to puke!!! He was starving but canceled the order because he didn't want to tip the guy. I never went out with him as I couldn't stand the idea of thinking about his cheap nature during dinner...
The man is in his mid 50's. Owns a company. Never been married - no surprise here! The interesting thing is that his brother is the total opposite and seems like his dad was a gentleman... His bookkeeper said that he actually gets off when saves a penny... Maybe that's the case but god it's so unattractive. How can he not see it???

There was some chemistry but it evaporated once I saw that ugly side of him.
I have always dated generous men and this was just way too shocking to me.

[Anonymous]

"I'm 42 and have done a fair amount of online dating over the past few years. This is way too complicated on your end to work out."

I'm a woman who's had a lot of first dates, and I think OP sounds inflexible and miserable. You're not going to get too far finding someone if you don't lighted up, OP. I think having a drink as a first date, without expecting to order food, is more than reasonable - I do that all the time, and I make sure that I eat something beforehand if I think I'll be hungry. The whole purpose of a first date is to start to see if you like each other, not to have a night out where everything is orchestrated your way. Go with the guy's plan, give him a chance to get to know you before you expect the sun, moon & stars, and don't try to be so controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm 42 and have done a fair amount of online dating over the past few years. This is way too complicated on your end to work out."

I'm a woman who's had a lot of first dates, and I think OP sounds inflexible and miserable. You're not going to get too far finding someone if you don't lighted up, OP. I think having a drink as a first date, without expecting to order food, is more than reasonable - I do that all the time, and I make sure that I eat something beforehand if I think I'll be hungry. The whole purpose of a first date is to start to see if you like each other, not to have a night out where everything is orchestrated your way. Go with the guy's plan, give him a chance to get to know you before you expect the sun, moon & stars, and don't try to be so controlling.

I agree. You should have just eaten beforehand, OP, as he requested and met him for drinks - for whatever reason, the guy didn't want to sit down to a meal. Getting there and ordering a meal, even if you planned to pay for it, just added a whole level of awkwardness and conflict right off the bat. That being said, it's no great loss because he doesn't sound like the guy for you anyway. Even if he wasn't "into you", he still should have taken off his hat and walked you to your car - that's just basic decency, even with a friend or colleague, let alone a date.

[Anonymous]

Go with the guy's plan, give him a chance to get to know you before you expect the sun, moon & stars, and don't try to be so controlling.

How is she being controlling when he is the one telling her when to eat? If he wants to do just drinks that is fine, meet either earlier or later. Also, if someone said they couldn't believe how much I ate, I'm not going to give them a chance to get to know me.

[Anonymous]

People do have a point when they say OP did not handle it well. Sorry OP. But he said "eat first" and maybe you should have made a decision there: either eat first, or push the time back. But not eat in front of him. That turned into a sort of power struggle. Who knows why he did not want to eat, but he did state it up front. Maybe ask him, what kind of meet up are you thinking? Just go to a bar? Feel things out in advance first. Maybe just go to a bar is a fine date --shorter, less expensive, ect.