Reply to Does a 7 o'clock date mean dinner to you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. So we met and I was famished. My plan was to eat and pay for myself so I opened the menu. He stated that he usually doesn't eat past 7 pm because he gets bad dreams..!?? He didn't appear to be joking. I ordered an entree and he had soup. We split chips and guac, I had one glass of wine, he too. Convo was okay, he's cute but I wasn't impressed that he kept his hat on the whole meai.. But that's certainly not a deal breaker.  Well, the check came and I was talking so he picked it up and opened it. Since my plan all along was to pay for my own dinner I reached for my purse. He immediately stated, "Let's split it. I don't mind doing that, it's fine" (as if he was doing me a favor or something). Bill came to $52, we each put in $30. I mentioned how our server was excellent and maybe we should tip a bit more and he said, "well how do you want to do that?" I said maybe he could take the cash and put it on his card which he did. I was really only thinking a few more dollars but maybe that wasn't necessary. I was parked in a lot so he walked me to the garage (not the car) hugged me and left.

Clearly he's not interested but I wasn't impressed that he left with my $30 in his wallet. It just doesn't seem like a man who wants to impress me and put his best foot forward.

Would I go out with him again if he asked? Possibly but I wouldn't expect to pay.[/quote]

I do think it was ridiculous that he explicitly said to eat before meeting up at 7pm. I think saying lets meet for drinks at 7 is enough and then you have to assume at most he may order a light appetizer and you eat before if you can't drink on any empty stomach or it would be too late for dinner afterwards.  That said, once he explicitly said to have dinner before I think it was ridiculous that you planned to just eat there with him and "pay for your meal". You basically were giving him a choice of looking cheap if he agreed to split a check that included food he didn't intend to have or spending $50 plus dollars (I.e. You could put in the tip) to cover your meal when he only wanted to meet out for drinks. If you had eaten ahead, maybe he would have spent $30 to cover your drinks and not split the bill.  You could have said that 7:30 or 8:00 would be more convenient meetup so you had time to stop home first or if the extra stop for food would have been too much for you, make the meetup time later and get and pay for your meal at the bar before he gets there.  With my friends people have gotten someplace early if they want to eat there and the drinks only person comes later.

As a point of reference, DH didn't officially take me out to dinner until the 3rd time we met up.  I refer to the first wo meetups as non-dates where we met up casually and it was easy for me to pay for myself (i.e. A place like La Madelaines, food court etc).  At the time he actually didn't make a lot and was careful with his money but I noticed he was always thoughtful. He would open doors for me and both notice and hold it open for the person with the stroller two people behind us, he would compliment me but not in a cheesy sort of way, he would drive out my way to see me so I wouldn't be on the road if the weather was bad.  He wasn't a lets spend $100 on dinner sort of guy I think back then because he didn't have that kind of money to spend and now because short of a special event that isn't who he is, but he will buy an expensive anniversary gift that he thinks I would love or stay at an expensive resort for our 10th anniversary.  So I would say focus on thoughtful rather than how much he is willing to spend and allow him to be generous in a way that is comfortable for him in letting him pick the activity that he can afford to fully cover whether that be drinks at a bar or dinner at Friday's.  Within that context, if you aren't feeling him because there is no chemistry, similar sense of humor, and conversation, cut him loose.

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